How to understand Jealousy and naturally heal.
What is jealousy if it is not a reflection of your own failures and insecurities?
What is it?
Check for where it comes from:
Do you feel inferior because of your: look, money, job, experiences, etc?
Thing he/she said, did or has done in the past, that makes you think/feel he/she is not reliable.
Is it a trait of your personality? or is it because of your partner behavior?
Lack of Communication
Are you afraid to speak up about your needs? or You do not know how to speak out?
Do you feel safer wondering about what is going on, or really knowing what is going on by simply asking?
They say that the relationship that you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship that you have in your life, be it love relationship, friendships, etc. Jealousy feeds on your insecurities, the comparison you make with others, and scarcity too. You may feel confident, or at least act like it, but real confidence is when you enter a room and you do not compare yourself to others.
How jealousy finds its way to your heart.
Most of the jealousy in a couple's relationship is seen as a jealousy toward somebody else that might become a third wheel.
However, jealousy comes in many forms:
- He/she just got a work promotion, and you have not gotten one for years
- He/she earns much more than you, or you don't even have a job
- He/she has more friends and connections
- He/she has more experiences in different stuff, be it: lovers, friendships, traveling
- He/she is paying more attention to someone else, or is doing more for them
- People seem to love being around them a lot
If you think you have only jealousy to heal, think again. All these issues are linked one to the other, and they create the big problems in your relationship, those kind of problems that tear everyone apart. You should start working on these. Don't you feel ashamed of yourself that you express insecurity in so many ways? If it is the way he/she treats you that disturbs your dreams, consider that you are the one who teaches people how to treat you by what you accept, what you allow, what you accept, what you reinforce.
It always requires a leap of faith when you love someone. You never know if you will fall hard or not, but that's the beauty of it all. If it is about another man/woman, do not forget that you are the one giving them the power to make you jealous. You are insecure only when you are afraid that someone else, be him/her whomever, will treat your lover better than you are. Be careful what you put in your head, because you will never ever to get it out.
If your jealousy is about his/her success, you do not have to be. You only have to work harder, to become better. Imagine the best version of yourself and be that. Do not hate on their success, you have the same 24 hours. Be proud of them and make yourself and your lover proud of you too. When you know you are great, you have no reason to be jealous of somebody else.
If it is about his/her experiences without you, or with other lovers before you, try to share those experiences with each-other. It will be like they cherished those moments with you.
You have to find the one that feels like you do, loves like you do.
Jealousy counseling: How to put a Stop to your jealousy.
The first step is admitting, of course. If you are not true to yourself, you will never be to anyone else. So, Admit the feeling to start the process of healing. Acting like you do not care is not the solution, it does not mean that you really do not. Jealousy eats you up, it eats your beauty up.
Second: Think about why are you having those kind of feelings? You can find an answer to the jealousy forms I mentioned above, but the real reason: only you know this. Maybe you want him to pay more attention to you and has nothing to do with how he behaves with others. Maybe you want him to take you somewhere, to make you unexpected presents, etc. Well, if he doesn't understand this by himself, ask him. If your reasons raise because of your insecurities, you have to work on yourself.
Third: the insecurity issues mean that you do not think highly of yourself. If you are happy with yourself, you won't have reason to compare with others, you won't have reasons to be jealous or mean, because you are happy with who you are.
Fourth: Turn your energy to expressing gratitude. Thank your lover for any small or big thing he/she does for you. Do not count what you do for them, because this will lead to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointment. What ruins us most in life is the picture we paint in our head of how a relationship or lover has to be. The more you try to control things, the more they control you. That's right, just let them be. Think of a flower you love. If you cut it, you will 'kill' it. You just have to let it be. Love is not about possession, but it is about appreciation. If you feel like you have to force anything, just leave it alone. It was not meant to last.
Fifth: You can use some psychological tricks. Imagine jealousy like a wave coming toward you, but you are a surfer, a great surfer!
What love is not: hitting, mind games, put downs, stalking, jealousy, controlling...
Sometimes, people change and they do not talk it out with each other, they 'forget' to tell their other half. Feelings don't die easily, mostly because you feed them with memories and partially because the other person keeps feeding them while they do not feel the same. But your feelings are only yours, you can always change them. In this case, communication is key. You have to talk with your partner to always know where you two stand, if you are on the same page or not, if you both are still willing to be together no matter what.
However, it comes the moment when it is all said and done, the moment when maybe it is time for you to move on. Remember that your value will not decrease because somebody can not see your worth. Remember that you are not looking for that kind of love. You need that kind of love that makes you feel your best, not the kind that forces you to prove your worth! But if you choose to forget, you must be ready to be forgotten.
© 2017 Enchi