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The Search For A Life Mate

Updated on April 10, 2014

What experience is behind a tune?

Do you ever wonder why it is that there's so many love songs about heartbreak and longing for "the one" and so few that can inspire us to the ideal of how great it can be, when a monogamous relationship actually works because you're too busy loving the one you're with to worry about the one that got away?

A Dear Ron Letter

Dear Ron. Where are you now? I know you slipped into my daughter's dream and told her to kiss her mom for you, but I still don't know if you're dead or alive.

At the time we were together you told me you were dying then and that was many years ago.

I thank you very much for the kiss; it made me feel very good that our relationship was not a total loss, nor a waste of time if you would take the time to express the sentiment within your spirit body. The whole episode redeems you in my eyes and now I can think of you fondly instead of with regret.

I know you tried your best to apologize for dancing with your blonde while pretending I had not just arrived even though my eyes bored a hole right through you. You had called me to come and visit you in this singles bar. For some reason I thought you might have had something important to say, so I let myself be persuaded to come, even though we were broken up.

When the blond noticed me staring at the two of you, she inquired were you and I together? I could see the sheepish look on your face. I often wondered if this was a set up, so that two women might fight over you. You were a good looking man, dying or not, it sure seemed like a set up. Actually I was never upset that you found someone new, but I was upset that you ignored me, like I hadn't been called by you just moments before to drive over there, despite I had told you, I don't hang out in singles bars, looking for love. Not my style. But for you, yes, I would come. I would give love one more chance to blossom.

I have no idea how you got out of that mess. I sometimes wish I had not been so passive about this incident. Whatever you said to her about my presence there she believed. She looked so smitten with you, I dared not dash my sister's dreams. Maybe you made up some story that I was chasing you or that I just happened to come into that bar. She must have believed you as the two of you continued dancing song after song, entwined in each other arms. It surely looked promising. Maybe if you and her had sat down I would have been able to come and speak the truth, that I hadn't wanted to come, but you had called me sounding like you needed a friend. I would have found a way to ease the situation for you, but perhaps you didn't believe I'd be so magnanimous.

Water Under the Bridge

Author in an earlier day
Author in an earlier day

Fleeing for my Life

After all this time I still remember how painful it was to walk out of there knowing I'd not even get a thank you for coming. The hungry eyes of the men were looking me up and down. I felt like a piece of meat. I wondered if that's all I was to you, somebody who was too kind, who would understand you had someone new. Later I realized I was glad for you. I truly didn't want to mess up your good thing. I was only upset, and yes, angry, that you couldn't say hello, sorry I persuaded you to come by, would you like to meet so and so? I might even have pretended it was an accidental meeting, for your sake. However, I didn't get the chance. I would just wonder Who oh Who would be there for you and why must we search the world over for love yet never find what we seek? For all too soon, your fling would be over and you'd come crawling back to me.

I got over it. But by the time your romance was over and you came back to finally apologize I had no more feelings left for you and you left, I thought for the last time. You would sometimes drop by unannounced. I had not much to say, nor did I know why you continued to visit me. I just knew you couldn't love me and do what you did that day in the bar. Finally one day you huffed away never to be seen again since the spark of love and trust had died, and you blamed me as it was more convenient that way.

That's ok but I still wished I'd of been able to express my grievances, just so you'd know, the hurt went way deep, like you'd thrown me to the wolves that day in the bar.

Instead of expressing all this to you, I wrote a song called Who. For as I looked at your present life of going from woman to woman, perhaps looking for the one person who could make you happy, I came up with these lyrics, after discovering I too, had gone from man to man, looking for love and happiness and not found it.

I feel we could have listened better to one another, just like my lyrics say; we could have listened from the heart and spoken from the heart as well and maybe things would have turned out much better then the angry way you left that last day I saw you, when I couldn't express how painful it was about what had occurred.

I have you to thank for the creation of this song as I think it's a beautifully worded melody about us, about all of humanity searching for the right person to love and be loved by. At worst you might have been manipulating the whole scene trying to have 2 women vying for your attention. At best you may have been just thoughtless about my feelings.

At any rate, there you came again, into my daughter's dream to deliver the message you'd like to kiss me one last time. I know this sounds trite, but thanks for the memories, I really mean it. I have quite a few precious memories of you and I, and how we were together for awhile, both of us playing the game of love, both of us losing the objective, but gaining the sweet memories of love's first flush, for such a short time we were young again, and filled with hope. Now we are wiser. I just know we are.

© 2014 Alysia McAlister


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