- Gender and Relationships»
Head Over Your Heart
Putting your head over your heart can be a great dilemma but can be done nevertheless. Loving less the hurt is what we all want to do. How great it can be to love and not to deal with an ugly heart break afterwards. The world will be a much better place without many people hurting. People would be more productive and happier if only this is so. Is it a possibility? Yes, definitely. It only takes a few realizations to achieve this state.
When you think TOO MUCH of yourself
People hurt because they tend to think too much of themselves. A person may think that he is too hot, too smart, too important, too successful, to get hurt and get dumped by another. If you have the same line of thinking, you are in a lot of trouble. Expect to get hurt for the most part of your relationships. Indeed, thinking too highly of yourself is the best way to self-inflicted hurt.
After a relationship ends, you like to hang on and linger. Inside your mind, you think 'How could this person leave me when I am this great, this good, this successful, this pretty, etc.?' More likely, you like to put the blame on the other person. You also get angry at the time the scene is getting angry. You often question 'How dare him reject me, when I'm the best one he could ever have? How could he or she missed that?
In effect, when you think too highly of yourself, the tendency is to shift the blame on the other person. This is counterproductive as it leaves you bitter and hurt as a result. Learning how to change this line of thinking will do you a great favor.
Reality check: More often than not, a person ends a relationship mainly for his own selfish reasons and not because he thinks your are less important. Rarely will you be part of the consideration. It all goes down to the "Me, Myself, and I". He dumps you because HE is not happy, HE is not satisfied, or that HE found someone else.
Too put it bluntly, that other person has a set of requirements that you don't meet. He is looking for a blue shirt, unfortunately, you are not that kind of blue. It is that simple. And certainly, you cannot blame another person for his preference. That is beyond your control. So why would you want to transform into someone you are not just to conform to another's standards? This should never be the case.
When you think LESS of yourself.
This is the exact opposite of thinking too much of yourself. When you think less of yourself, in the same manner, you are 100% bound to get hurt. More often, blaming yourself why things did not work out is your best preoccupation. You would often think that you are not pretty enough, not successful, not smart, not wealthy, not loving, or a combination of any or all these. You like to justify to your self that because you are less of a person, this other person left you.
The problem with this kind of thinking is you put yourself down and belittle your worth. It is not your fault that he does not like you. It could be that this person has a set of expectations that did not meet your qualities. More importantly, understand that it is not your job to meet his expectations.
If he does not like you that much, then so be it. That is that person's problem. Going to great lengths to change yourself to satisfy these people will only backfire. Tell yourself that it is simply a case of mismatch that's all.
The secret is finding a middle ground.
Think of yourself as someone great, period. Think of yourself as this great person, capable of doing positive things and worthy of loving. You know that you are worth more to the people who matter to you most like your friends and family. Create a self-image of confidence for your own sake. What if this other person rejects you, you have this firm belief in your charm and know that there are others to find.
Each one is a unique person and you are bound to meet someone who will have respect and appreciation of you as a person. Here is a simple analogy. Imagine a situation in an appliance store. A sales clerk offers the latest TV (like a Samsung Smart Tv) with all the great features to someone who enters the store. Indeed, that television is great, but you don't know if that shopper is looking for that. It could be that he onl as all he needs is a reliable TV, with none of the fancy stuff. And so he refused.
Think of yourself as that Samsung Smart TV and the shopper as the person who ended the relationship. Just because he does not want a SmartTV does not mean it is less of a great television. His perception about it will never make it a less of a high-tech TV. He has his own reasons which can be valid or not. Maybe he just can't handle such a technologically-advanced TV, or could be that he just cannot afford it.
When you think of yourself in the proper way, it is much easier for you to move on. Dismiss another relationship end as part of the business. Get past the hurt easily and ultimately move on with your life anticipating the next love adventure you have.