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The Single Life is Not a Choice

Updated on October 10, 2017

I don't know why I'm single, but I know why I'm single

The single life is not a choice but a matter of multiple layers of conscious and sub-conscious factors that have dictated the lives of millions from the past to the present, and even into the future. Focus on one individual that you know of in your life that is single. Now, if you were able to compare this individuals relationship status of "singleness" to the type of life said individual has lived from childhood to adulthood, it could be inferred that there may be trend as to why they are currently single. This idea is based off the nature vs nurture theory, but both those sides play a role in developing the individuals success towards establishing a successful relationship versus remaining single.

Nurture and the Associated Environment

The life of someone who has been established as single can blame their upbringing, if only partially. Nurture or the environment. As an impressionable child, being exposed to non-beneficial elements of the world can deeply impact a child's psyche and how they will grow in the future. There are cases where children have grown up in single households, never knowing the true value of a complete home lifestyle. Other cases maybe subtle, there may situations where children are raised in over protective households and have difficulty functioning independently later on in life. Regardless, these environments ,no matter how scalable the intensity of a situation, may be a key factor in how they are developing their romantic relationships later on in life. I personally know of someone that as a child was exposed to the sexual material and gained an unhealthy view of what real relationships look like and has had difficulty establishing those romantic relationships even though they truly want one. The correctly nurtured child and the correct environment in which that child is nurtured is in my greatest opinion deterrent to singles who can't establish those essential relationships.

Nature Dictates Potential Relationships

The nature of the individual is just as important. The experiences in life are what develop the personalities of people. From childhood into adulthood, experiences continue to occur and continue shape and mold ones' nature. However one wishes to define it; the nature, personality, character, persona, or makeup. The temperament is crucial in why people stay single. How many people do you know go in and out of relationships and can't seem to keep a steady relationship? It may be that there is an actual mental block so to say, because their nature dictates in the sub-conscious mind what they truly want. The sub-conscious mind dictates what a single individual may truly want versus what the conscious mind tells them they need. Their nature in unaligned with their sub-conscious and conscious mind. I compare it to a teeter-totter that sways back and forth never on an even plain of balance.

Choices Based off of Lifestlyes

Now look at the caption attached to the picture in this post. It states " You don't know why, but you know why." This portion will tend to be more subjective because it is on an individual case by case basis. I made the argument earlier that it is not a choice to be single. Well, that is partially true. The question "Why are you still single?", it is such a question that how many answers to give. Given that each individual has some answer to this question, whether it be that they are fine where they are at in life or if they are too focused on their life at the moment for a relationship. These are answers based upon how life has built up over the years for each of them.These responses are based upon how they have perceived, interpreted, and adapted to their life. They didn't have a choice in how they got to this point and how they came to this conclusion because the conclusion is derived from their own life. The choice cannot come to fruition without the proper sequence to allow for the choice to be made.

The Choices made, Based off the Life Lived

The main argument states that the single life is not a choice, but a series of factors that build up over time creating unique experiences for each individual. They continue to develop and continue influence the sub-conscious and conscious mind and as a result the single lifestyle and the choice to remain single are not truly a choice but an outcome. The outcome is defined up until to the current moment of everyone's' life. The outcome is not set in stone though, it is always changing and as the nature and environment changes so will the experiences, persona, and personality. Eventually, the outcome can result in a stable, satisfying relationship or it can continue on as single.

© 2017 Robert Beach


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    • profile imageAUTHOR

      Robert Beach 

      13 months ago

      Awesome response, definitely agree. My article focuses on a specific outlook and then tries to rationalize the thought process. Choices are always made ,but the reason behind it (the why) is the life you have chosen to live. To choose whatever choices are presented before you at any moment of your current life. To choose to kill oneself maybe an outcome because of the lifestlye they have experienced so far. People can always choose but the experiences from their life will dictate the choices they decide to make. Humans may be irrational creatures but even irrational actions can follow a trend and if analyzed can follow a rational process.

      Thanks for the awesome comment. Continue to let me know what you all think.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      13 months ago

      In a world with over (7 Billion) other people it's fairly easy to get into a relationship. It would almost be like saying having no friends is not a choice.

      Nothing happens until you say: "yes".

      Granted everyone has their own mate selection process and "must haves list" but those are choices in themselves.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Whenever you reject someone or place them in your "friend zone" clearly those are choices.

      " Everyone can choose to pursue a romantic relationship or choose to stay single." That maybe true but at the same time the choice is not just a choice, the choice is a lifestyle."

      The bottom line is dating, relationships, and marriage are all life style (choices). If you have the option to say "yes" or "no" to anything it means you have a choice.

      Truth be told we have a choice as to whether to kill ourselves or not every single day! People who don't believe they have choices are really good at telling you (why) they can't take steps to get what they want.

      If you want something bad enough you will find a way and if you don't you will find an excuse.

      Dating and marriage are not some impossible challenge. In the U.S. alone 2.3 million weddings take place each year.

      If you can (choose) not to kill yourself you can also choose to get out in the world make friends, go out on dates, and enter in relationships. Just because something doesn't come easy for you doesn't make it unavailable to you. One must be willing to learn!

      The world may not owe you anything but you owe yourself the world! Learning to overcome fear and rejection are the key.

      Some people would rather attempt to change the world than to change themselves! When we change our circumstances change.


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