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The Struggle Of Marrying Young

Updated on November 7, 2015

Young Love

You see it in movies, romantic novels. The childhood lovers, the high school sweet hearts, it is the people that meet super young and stay together forever and ever. Some just date for obsurde amounts of time. They chase dreams they love, they experience life without the absolute commitment. Some move in together, share bills, experience life and each other. Then there are those who get married really young, to face their lives together, experience life as one. Some judge those young lovers marrying young. Others find it absolutely adorable, while others just think they are going down a path of pain. Some people believe that when you marry so young you are just destined to fail, fall, get divorced, or just regret all your decisions.

There are those who fail and succed. Sometimes they married so young because they were young and in love. Sometimes it is a heat of the moment, filled with lust and love all at the same time. It can be a mistake sometimes, it honestly can. There are those that actually fall in love young, not saying the others don't but sometimes you just know, sometimes you realize it was a mistake the day after, but sometimes it just is actual love and you know it is going to work. Those young lovers that work, stick together through thick and thin and love each other no matter what, those people will more than likely go through struggles. They will choose a marrriage before college, wait for the other to go to the same school and move in. Sometimes one will have money for college and the other doeesn't. Sacrifies need to be made for eaach other, and who knows how long any trials, tribulations, or problems will last. Nobody knows. Sometimes you'll get lucky and sometimess you won't.

I am one of these such young lovers. I met my fiancee in 2012. I knew her sister before that but didn't meet my fiancee until half way through my 11th grade year in 2012. Now I hadn't dated muuch before so I was pretty bad at it.

Prepare for Criticism

Back in the day people married much younger. For different reasons, life expectancy, easier to find jobs, any reason really. It used to be much easier to get up and get married. However that was a time for our grandparents and their parentss before them and on back. Something changed with our parents, or just with in the last 20 to 30 years. People waited longer to get married. Focused on themselves, what they want to do, their careers. Dating much longer and long engagments became the norm. That resinates through us now. We are having these thoughts of waiting much longer to settle down. Even those truly in love are picking careers, life, or just experience, over marrying and starting a family or even experiencing life together. There are a lot of people afraid of commitment. Maybe this fear of commitment and settling down comes from the mistakes of thee previous generation. When there was a large spike of divorces, it came from our parents. Maybe there was a cynical attitude towards marriage that our parents developed and taught to us. That can create a very scared, cynical attitude for marriage. This is where the critisism will come from.

Many of the older people I talk to (50+) are very supportive of my decision to get married sooner,and at the age of 19 and my fiancee at 18, rather than later. However the people that we get criticism from is friends or people of the same age, and parents of those friends alike. There is often times remarks of praise, immediatly followed and revoked with back handed comments. We will get remarks like, "I hope you last.", or even "Are you sure this is the best path?" It is one thing when a person is curios, or is honest in knoowing your surety about this choice. However it is completely different when someone is just ignorant to your decisions, or don't respect them.

With any big choice there will be preponantes. You will have people that disagree, or think you are stupid even. When people think this about your decisions, and it will happen, you need to stay strong no matter what. Now if you have doubts, that is one thing. If you aren't in the right state of mind, or even if you are absolutely not prepared or ready, that is a completely different thing as well. However if all things are apropriate, and you are absolutely positive about your decision, then people should be respecting that. However they won't, some just will not at all. Some people will have their doubts and think you're stupid. When such a situation arises you need to steadfast, keep your head held high, and keep chugging forward dispite who may be the onne doubting you. Anybody could do it, even those extremely important to you like a mother father or even close friends. No matter who the doubters are you need to stay strong in the face of adversity, because those people will come no matter what you do or try. As long as evverything is fine, and you are perfectly sure and it is true love, then don't give up.

The Rough Road Ahead

When you marry young, and I connsider young anywhere from 18-22. Many of the people in this age range are either straight out of high school, working through college, or saving up for college. Most people this age getting married are the high school sweet heart lovers, or dating through college. When people marry this young they aren't very likely to be on their feet yet. They might not be on their own yet, or have a stable high paying job. It will get tough, especially if paying for the wedding themselves. If it is hard before the wedding it'll be hard for some time after.

Be prepared to make the sacrifices necessary for each other. No matter what you are a team and always have each other. You guys are on a journey for your lives together. Along that path there will be bumps in the road. Together you get through the trials of life together and you need to have each otherss back at all times. One person may need to work full time while the other works part time in college to get a better job for the other to get to school. The blls can be high, and the paychecks minimal. If you are in this situation you need to stay together and work together. Always communicate, never give up, and most importantly never blame each other. You work together, you fight together, you float or sink together. If it is true love you can't just give up and run away from the problems.

Be prepared for issues. Work through the issues. They will come, just like critisism. This is the same for all relationships, new long, young and old, no matter what you need to be a team. However this team isn't a 50/50 split. It is a 100/100 split, requiring your all, all the time. The ups the downs and the swings of life come and go in every relationship and over coming them is how you grow with each other and learn together. You must always be prepared for the worse, and even then be prepared to fail. It can happen, everything can crumble and you can't lose control. Because as long as you have each other you never will truly fail. It is when you give up on each other, that is when you truly fail.

Any realtionship can and will have the rough patches. However like I said when you are young, not really stable, and building your life, it can and will be even rough. Just always be prepared for the worse, and stiick together. Take the good as it comes, and always be willing and ready to sacrifice all you have for each other, especially if you start having kids young too.

Don't Live in the Past

When you are young anything can happen. Situations can com up, mistakes can be made, and challenges can be faced. No matter what happens just don't dwell on the past. Everybody makes mistakes it happens. Although people can really do something wrong, something extremely damaging, you need to learn to forgive and forget. This can be anything, someone being unfaithful, someone making the wrong choice or investment, someone lossing their job. It can be anything and it can happen to anybody, young or old. Some have the wrong intuitions, intentions, or sucumb to the wrong temptations. This is one of the struggles that can happen, one of the rough patches you can hit. It ca crumble your world, and it can be extremely hard to forgive, but sometimes you have to.

It all depends on the person you are, or your spouse is. When you are older though you should be more mature, sometimes be smarter or wiser, at the very least learn from your previous mistakes. So when somebody is married older you expect them to be more seasoned with a better understandng of life and the way the world works. However they can make mistakes too. But when you are much younger, you are still learning the world and making the mistakes you need to learn. It happens and no matter the mistake, if you truly love than you need to help each other and work through them. Now this can be different for each person. You may be forgiving if your spouse cheats on you, you may not. It all depends on you and if the person has a history of it, or if you completely lose trust. If that sort of thing happens, you need to really think about stuff, and communicate. However there are people that move on, forgiving or not. However in the future, if your spouse made previous mistakes, you can't keep bringing it up in fightss or letting it keep you up at night. If you truly forgive you need to move on and forget. If you can't then maybe take awhile to think, talk to your love and figure things out. Just know if you are young you are likely to make some mistakes down the road. The only way to forget is to forgive, and the only way to truly forgive is to forget.

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