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The Struggles of Coming Out

Updated on September 17, 2017

10 Tips That May Help You

"Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24. The rate of suicide attempts is 4 times greater for LGB youth and 2 times greater for questioning youth than that of straight youth."

Don't be afraid to look for advice and help when contemplating hurting yourself or suicide. Its never the answer- believe me.

1. Accept yourself. Don't try to hide away what you feel based on the fact that it's not the norm. If it's how you feel and it's not unwillingly physically hurting anyone, then go for it.

2. Do some research. This is especially important if you identify as transgender. And there's nothing wrong with looking up ways to come out to friends and family or just for advice (like this article ^-^).

3. Understand yourself. Sometimes not everyone will accept you as you are. They may say "You're young, you don't understand what's going on with your body." Or "It's just a stage, you'll get over it." Most of the time, these people are wrong. Which is why it's important to not only accept yourself, but to do research. Sometimes you may believe yourself to be one thing when it's actually another.

4. Don't come out to your family or friends if you believe they'll harm you. Many times I have seen friends come out to friends and family only to be meted with disgust and then violence. Ranging from being beaten to being thrown out of their home. Better to wait and be safe than to come out and be harmed. You should never put yourself at risk.

5. Never harm yourself. If you came out and are meeted with disgust and accusations of "You're tearing apart this family!" and "That's completely disgusting!" or "You're just weird and gross.", never think about suicide or self-harm. Not everyone will understand you. And you're not the one tearing apart your family- they are. If someone loves you, they accept you for you. They may not agree with you, but they are supposed to be there for you. To love and support you because coming out if hard and having someone by your side makes it much easier. Which is why, hurting yourself because of their words is never worth it.

6. Someone out there understands you. They may not be nearby, or in your home, but they exist. Sometimes they're on websites (like Tumblr :3), sometimes they're in school, sometimes they're even down your street, but they're there. And if you feel like you can't find anyone, I'm here and I'll continue to try and advise you and reach you through articles.

7. Ignore bullies. Anyone who makes fun of who you are- not worth your time. Like I said before, there's always going to be someone who disagrees with you. Best to ignore their stupidity. If they're harming you or harassing you, don't be afraid to make a big deal of the situation. Don't be afraid to draw light to it. It's completely illegal to bully someone (in the United States anyways), so hey if they're bullying you and hurting you, you're not the one who can go to jail.

8. Love yourself. Accepting yourself and loving yourself may sound similar, but aren't. It's one thing to accept yourself and hate yourself because you wish you weren't this way so you could have your family's love again (if they don't accept you), or so you won't be bullied (because they don't accept you). But it's important to love yourself because there's no one more you than you. And in the words of the Doctor, " 900 years of time and space, and I've never met anyone who wasn't important."

9. Talk to someone. If you can't talk to your family or friends, find someone to talk to. It's important to not bottle everything up inside. It's not healthy.

10. Once you've accepted, loved, and understand yourself, don't forget to help others in your situation. This isn't like with snowflakes, believe me when I say someone will be in your shoes. Don't forget what you went through during this process and lend an ear to their troubles and give advice to the vest of your ability.

Personal Experience

Now, you may be saying "What does this person know about any of this? They wouldn't understand." Im sorry, but you're wrong.

When I was 9 years old, I was wondering about myself. Was I gay, straight, transgender? Something didn't feel right with me. But I kept it to myself.

For years.

I had read the Bible, grown up in a religious household. I knew the only thing that my family would tell me was that I was going to burn in Hell or call me disgusting- a "pervert". Couple years later I realized that because of being afraid of my family for being myself, I not only developed depression, anxiety, and became suicidal, but also became aromantic. I said I never wanted to marry and have kids all because of fear my family wouldn't accept me.

I had done a hypothetical with my Mother and asked her what would she do if I was bisexual. She said she would be very sad and pray for me. Not accept me or support me. Just be disappointed. I didn't even have to ask my dad. I knew he'd just be outraged. So when I went to high school, I made friends. Some were gay, Muslim, straight, transgender. Basically a Skittles pack of variety. And I felt like I belonged. This is the reason why I'm writing what I'm writing. Because I know keeping it inside, feeling like you don't belong... it kills you after a while. And no one deserves that.


© 2017 Aerdna Zednanreh

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