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Are You Being Used By Your Someone?

Updated on March 16, 2018
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Brittney is a licensed professional counselor and a certified rehabilitation counselor. She has a Master's in counseling.

Dating and the Beginning of Relationships

In the beginning stages of a relationship, many people question whether or not the other actually has feelings for them or if they're just using them for sex, money or something else. There are times where you may be unsure because one day your partner is sweet and seems genuine and the next day they are completely standoffish and distant.

It is totally normal to question things in the beginning of dating or a relationship. No one wants to be used anymore than the next person, right? You may be questioning whether or not you're being used because of something that happened in your past. Regardless of the reason, just know it is okay to question someone's motive.

It is important to note that you have some sort of doubt or intuition that is making you feel confused. Listen to your gut. Did the person say or do something that didn't sit right with you? Are they extremely unpredictable? Don't completely ignore the reasoning you are feeling a certain way just because you fear you'll mess something up before it even started. Trust your intuition. It's giving you signs to make you aware of something that may be off or not right.

So, how can you tell if someone is using you? It differs from person to person in the presentation of their behaviors and actions, but the overall picture is very similar. There are tell-tale signs to watch out for that could help guide your decision as to whether or not you're being used.


Avoids Talking About Commitment

If a person avoids or refuses to have a discussion on where they see the relationship in the near future, there's an issue. You both spend a lot of time together and get to know one another and it is absolutely fair that you want to know what direction the relationship is headed in. It is also important for you to know where the relationship stands so that you can make the decision of how much physical and emotional investment you want to put into the relationship. Someone who is using another, regardless of the reason for using a person, will avoid talking about the future like the plague.

Your Partner Makes Things Uncomfortable

Relationships are not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable or insecure. They shouldn't be chaotic or go from one extreme to the other. Balance is key in relationships. If your relationship doesn't have balance or you feel like you're putting in more effort and investing more in the relationship, it's time to evaluate the relationship for what it really is and not what you want it to be.


Doesn't Introduce You to Friends

Let's be real here. Many people who are dating or starting a relationship introduce them to their friends because usually the opinions of friends matter. Friends are your eyes and ears when you're not around or when you're not listening. They are able to see things that you might not see because of your relationship with your partner. If it's been a while and you haven't met their friends, you should start questioning why and possibly bring it up to your partner.


Lack of Affection

Affection is critical in relationships as it provides people with a sense of security and trust. If your partner is using you, there won't be much affection even while having sex or engaging in sexual acts. It can almost be as if your partner has detached emotionally from their body and is only physically present. The mind is elsewhere. You'll be able to tell this by lack of hand holding and eye contact. If your partner is using you,


Doesn't Focus on You

This is a hard one to digest because for some reason, many people automatically think it's something they did rather than their partner. There needs to be some sort of reciprocity because if there isn't, why should you put in more of an effort to focus on their needs and wants and allow the other to ignore yours? That isn't fair to you or the relationship and should raise some red flags as to what your partner's purpose or role is in the relationship.


You Both Don't Really Know Each Other

When you are together, you barely talk about each other. Your partner probably doesn't know what your favorite color or food is and you probably don't know the same about your partner. When someone is using you, there is minimal to no emotional investment on the user's part so they don't find it necessary to divulge information about themselves. Make sure you start to think about how much you really know about your partner and if there have ever been times your partner has dodged questions regarding important aspects of themselves.


No one deserves to be used by another person. It's an awful feeling and more often than not, you're the one left wondering where you went wrong. Try and remember that you didn't do anything wrong and that your partner had a plan and their own reasons for using you. That is NOT a reflection on your character and that's what matters.

Don't think of it as a negative. Think of it as a good thing there is no longer a negative and selfish person in your life. It's a new beginning. Try to see the positive in the situation and be thankful the relationship didn't go any further. The pain would have intensified the longer it went on. You'll find the right one. Just be patient.

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© 2018 Brittney Lindstrom


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