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The Three Big Red Flags To Look Out For When Dating

Updated on July 7, 2013

What has been your dating Foux Pas?

What was the worst thing you noticed about your dating interest?

  1. He or she was still dependent on their parents.
  2. He or she was emotionally shut off/unstable.
  3. He or she was immature with no hope in site of becoming a complete adult?

If you experienced any of the above, was it an immediate deal-breaker for you, or did you hold out that he/she would change? Share your story!


Worst Choice For Dating Is...

I bet that if you knew someone was emotionally scarred, you'd stop dating them immediately. Or let's just say, if he or she had a scarlet letter of dysfunctional behavior stamped on their forehead, you would never accept a single date, right?

Neither would I.

We are all allowed to make our faux pas when it comes to dating. After all, if you're optimistic, you wish for the best, right? Goodness knows I've had my share of bloopers, blurbs and mishaps I'd like to accept for a lifetime.

But there's hope. I know because I've read books about it.

Here are the three major blunders about a person's upbringing that you should consider when you start dating someone:

  1. The perpetual child. For women, they would call him a "man-boy" or "Peter Pan." For men, they'd call her a "drama-queen" or "daddy's girl." All in all, it's the same concept: someone who never grew up emotionally. He or she never crossed over from "Neverland" to take on adult responsibilities. Men with this affliction may be adventurous, playful and immature, but the childish qualities will come to a bitter end when you expect him to make adult decisions when your future is at stake.The women who are stuck in child-mode are going to be drama queens, have temper tantrums when they don't have their way, and expect you to fill in the fun times their daddy never filled in for them. It's a lose-lose situation. Either way, they're not complete people.
  2. The broken wing. This man or woman was forced in their childhood to deal with adult situations, decisions or responsibilities, well before their emotional maturity was ready to handle it. For instance, it could be a man who was forced to be the "man of the house" when he was ten, because his father left the home then. Or, it may be a woman who is forever scarred by being sexually abused by someone she trusted as a child. No matter what the circumstance was, broken wing children grow up to become adults who were forced into adult situations they weren't ready for. Their adult relationships will reflect this and suffer because of it. They need to go back to the childlike state of innocence and deal with what hurt them before they can move forward in life.
  3. The movie lover. This is not reflective of your choice in entertainment. This involves men and women who because of their dramatic childhood choose partners in life that depict their accustomed characters, like in a cinema of their lives. It's what you feel when deja vous creeps into your life, leaving you with the sinking feeling that you've been there, done that, and you can't seem to move on from an issue, regardless of the promises from your significant other of "changing." Until he or she makes a breakthrough of self-reflection of what steers them astray from healthy relationships and makes a conscious effort to change, you won't see any difference in your movie choices. Drama 101 will play out day after day.

If you would like to learn more about relationship dysfunction or how to improve your love life, stay in tune to my site to learn new and provocative material. Share what you know, and I'll share it in my next Hub. Thanks for reading, and happy loving in your life!

Love hurts when you choose the wrong partner.
Love hurts when you choose the wrong partner. | Source
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What mask is your partner wearing? | Source
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Fool's Journey. Yeah, more than likely, you've come in contact with at least one fool. | Source

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 years ago

      I think you are right about that woman feeling jaded. She proably was also too young/immature to appreicate a man who makes his children the priority in his life. I personally would think a man who (never) acknowledges or spends time with his kids would be the "red flag"! LOL!

      As I said we're all entitled to have our (own) "wants" and "red flag" list. :-)

    • wonderful1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Sheila Varga Szabo 

      5 years ago from Southern California

      Writer Fox: there definitely is any number of red flags-- too many to list in just one hub! What I listed briefly here are the markings of emotionally problematic people who won't change during the relationship. It sort of simplifies relationship-ready individuals vs. codependent/unhealthy people. Thanks for commenting!

      Kevin: thanks so much for stopping by. As always, you leave inspiring thoughts on the subject. The hub you mention sounds like a woman who was never married and felt jaded by an experience with a divorced man. I actually feel the opposite: if a guy hasn't tried to make the best of a relationship (but it ended in divorce), I'm skeptical about dating. I just had an example of this. The guy was 40, never married and no kids. Longest relationship was two years. My red flag radar was going off the charts, and he revealed some private information about himself that made everything crystal clear. I know I've been the rescuer for too long in my life to not spot signs of these types. I no longer take in the stray dog and try to nurse it to health. My minimum requirement for men I date is to be healthy, complete people by the time I date them. Thanks again, and good luck with the book!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 years ago

      Very interesting hub!

      Ironically people who fit these three characteristics tend to have (no problem) attracting mates! For example lots of women are infatuated with "The perpetual child". He is seen as fun and a escape from their normal life. "The broken wing" attracts the "nurturer trait" in a lot of women. They want to make a difference in his life. Some men when they meet a woman who is a "broken wing" they want to be "her hero" and rescue her. "The movie lover" is seen as a (passionate and romantic) person. Very much like "The perpetual child" in that they initially provide an escape for their mates from their regular lives. Drama is never boring! lol! All three types appear to be captivating initially.

      I'm starting to look at "Red Flags" in the same way I look at "Must have" trait lists people compile. There really is no "universal" list. For example someone who needs to (feel) "needed" in a relationship will probably seek out "the broken wing" for the rest of their lives in one form or another.

      Just recently I came a cross a hub titled: Seven Reasons You Should Never Date a Divorced Man. The reasons this woman gave included he is likely to have had children whom are his priority, his ex-wife will be permanently in his life. If you meet his family and friends you will be viewed as "the other woman" in their eyes even if you did not meet him until after they were divorced....and so on. Clearly all of this be applied to dating divorced women as well. We live in a time where the divorce rate is around 50% and if being divorced is now considered a "red flag" I think we have gone too far. LOL! A divorce when it is all said done is nothing more than a public admission that a mistake was made. Someone felt they had chosen the wrong mate for themselves. Having said that I believe we are entitled to have our own "red flag" and "must have" lists. :-)

    • Writer Fox profile image

      Writer Fox 

      5 years ago from the wadi near the little river

      There are certainly many red flags to look out for. You could probably list 100 of them!

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