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The Trauma Of Abuse

Updated on September 12, 2012

As a victim of child abuse I walk alone in an uncaring world. A world that is ignorant to just how deep the the scars go. Abuse is forever; and no medicine or psychiatric care can erase it. You never forget.

Coming to grips with everything is different for each victim of abuse. I'm coming to grips with it. The nightmares are beginning to cease; and the flashbacks are easing. I still flinch at a raised voice or hand, but I don't cower. I've stopped crying like a baby. I'm beginning to build trust. I've even allowed myself to love. I deserve to be loved. I first had to learn to love myself.

Loving the unlovable is hard to do. As a victim of child abuse the abuser will first tear you down and make you believe and feel that you are unlovable. You believe that something is wrong with you and God and the world has it in for you. The more severe the abuse is the harder you have to work.

Brain-washing is the abusers first tactic they play on your mind to get you under their control. Once they have control of your mind, then you will believe anything they say. You believe that only they will love you. Then they will use power to break your spirit. They will use different forms of it or a combination of hittting, yelling, belittling, or sex. It is to gain control of you. Sometimes the victim will stay with the abuser, believing only they love them, and the rest of the world is out to do them harm.

The cycle begins with mind control, total control of the spirit, and has periods of time when everything seems good, then goes back to control. For some victims, it will end in death by the abuser. Some victims commit suicide. And, if it continues over into the outside world, then it is the beginning of addictions, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.For me it was alcohol and drugs. I even battled with suicide, almost succeeding. I also battled eating disorders and depression. I've also had to deal with abuse at school, bullies, and in serious relationships.

I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder, which is a result of this abuse. But the diagnoses is not me. This is a tragic result. Defining me is not my diagnoses, but is a beautiful, loveable, smart, caring individual that is unique and has a lot to offer. I have to fight on a daily basis to stay alive; but I do it for me.

Abuse is a cycle that can be broken, and it starts with one person. The victim. Every day, every second you make choices. You choose that anger, through thoughts, actions, and words.

To have a happier world begins with each of us, realizing the effects you have on another. For me, I choose to love. I'm against abuse. Which way do you choose?

Shelly Shields


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    • profile image

      mours sshields 2 years ago from Elwood, Indiana

      Thanks everyone for your kind comments!

    • Hankscita profile image

      Sandy 3 years ago from Florida

      This was beautifully written, and I was touched by your story. The question is often asked, "In the face of adversity, why do some people thrive and others despair?" As you continue on your journey, healing more and more and choosing love, it seems obvious to me that you will continue to thrive.

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 3 years ago from the short journey

      Many victims struggle to some degree for a lifetime. Looking at how some people have grown and gained real victories over their past is hugely helpful. One of the most crushing thoughts for a victim is that their abuse was worse than anyone else's, so facing the abuse for what it is and communicating about victories over the effects is important.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 3 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Because of the actions of some NFL football players this subject of abuse is much in the news of late. So sorry that you suffered abuse but glad to hear that you are tackling each day as it comes and are a survivor letting the world know that it is possible. God bless you! Sharing this post of yours so that others can learn from it.