- Gender and Relationships
The Truth About Affairs The Real Reason Why They Cheat!
Ssssshhh! She's got a Secret!
So much advice on the Internet. Why he cheats, why she has a one night stand and can they ever get over it? There are too many so called experts out there who decide that in their wisdom they are trying to help you.
Marriage guidance? Yes that's a great idea, sit down and chat for an hour with a complete stranger, after a few sessions you can work it out, and go onto have a wonderful marriage. What a crock!
I have even seen articles that state, 'My marriage is so much better now he has had an affair'!
Are you sure? Who is kidding who? Are you telling me that you can look at your husband, or wife, and categorically say that yes all is forgiven?
You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but?
Let's Get One Thing Out of the Way First Shall We?
Women have affairs for different reasons to men!
Now let's debunk this stupid idea for a start. Who came up with that idea? A man? Yes, I thought so.
And I can tell you why. Men want to believe that their women could not possibly have an affair purely for the physical side of the relationship.
According to guys women have to be loved, cherished and totally number one in their eyes and if that falls flat then the woman will turn to comfort from someone else.
Why do they believe this? It's because men think they are the physical embodiment of sexual Adonis Syndrome. Only they can love unconditionally and still cheat. They believe that they can separate the two feelings and keep them apart.
Love the wife. Have an affair. Simple as that.
Well let me tell you, that's not purely a man's domain.
Let's break that myth now. Throw it down the pan. Yes. Women can feel the same way too!
Sorry to burst your bubble guys!
Why did you think any different? Pride? Oh dear!
An innocent night out? Maybe.
Okay There Are Many Reasons For Affairs But..
At the end of the day whatever the reason, they have still cheated. To be fair, if someone is in a relationship that is slowly unraveling then an affair can be a cry for help. But this counts for the guys as well as the girls.
If your partner doesn't get near you, goes out all the time with their friends and treats you badly of course you will want to find comfort somewhere else. That much is obvious. We would all do it wouldn't we? If we had the chance and the confidence we would be out that door trying to find someone who would tell us we are still attractive, make us feel like a real woman. Or man.
But this isn't about those circumstances. We are talking about a strong marriage, a happy family life with two kids, a dog, and a cat that always curls up on your lap in the evening while the TV is on and the dinner is cooking.
Giacomo Casanova The Most Famous of Flirts!
Who Cheats The Most?
So Why Cheat If You Have All That?
Because its in us. Because the guy you married has always had a wandering eye for the ladies. The woman you love so much has always been a flirt.
But we disguise it. And most of the time we fool ourselves. We get married because we do fall in love. And yes this love can last for many years without us wanting to dip our toe in another man's pond so to speak.
I call it the 'One foot out the door' Syndrome.
The fact of the matter is whether you are a girl or a guy, if you are a the sort of person who gets twitchy feet, finds other people attractive and really can't help yourself then one day it will happen.
You will have an affair. Or maybe more than one. Fact.
Excuses Excuses Excuses!
You will of course always find an excuse. It makes you feel better. You feel totally entitled to have an affair purely because your wife/husband has argued with you, shown you up in front of your friends, kept you out the marriage bed for a few nights and so on.
There will always be a reason. Real or not. You have been waiting for it, tell the truth now.
If you have read this far you are probably feeling either indignant or totally depressed by now.
But be honest. didn't you know? Really? The person who you married was an innocent before you got together? Honestly? No, didn't think so.
You met them because they were vibrant and fun, the life and soul of the party. They made you laugh, they made you feel so special that you were the only one in the room, heck, the whole planet!
So how did they learn to do that if they hadn't had practice? Think about it.
Be Honest, Do You Really Feel Guilty?!
So, Now We Get to the Crunch!
You have found out that he/she has cheated. What do you do?
Well this is when the so called experts jump into action. They tell you to see a councilor. They make you sit there for hours talking to a complete stranger.
The advice comes thick and fast.
Why did he do it? Does he feel guilty? And so on.
Of course he/she feels guilty! They told you that didn't they?
How does it go?
I am so sorry, I don't know what happened. I was feeling down, they made me feel special again. Do you know how many years its been since I felt attractive? They got me at a weak point in my life, I swear, totally, that it will never ever happen again. I am gutted, I love you so much, nothing in the world matters to me more than you.
Please forgive me!
Look I Said I Was Sorry! Jeez! What More Do You Want?
Now Let's Translate That Shall We?
They will sit looking downright sheepish, staring at the floor, fiddling with their hands and totally downcast.
Whether at home or at the councilors they will show so much remorse that it tugs at your heart and makes you, yes you, feel guilty! Why are you putting them through this? Surely we can fix it on our own?
But what's going on in their heads?
'What the hell am I doing here? How did this happen? I have said I am sorry, what more does he/she want for goodness sake? Yes I cheated, yes I asked for forgiveness, get over it will ya?
Do I feel guilty? Yes of course, guilty because I was stupid enough to get caught! Why the hell didn't I see that coming?
If I have to bow and scrape to them one more minute I am going to go mad! I can't keep this face up much longer. I just want a drink, go out with my mates and relax.
Oh for goodness sake, who is this silly cow of a councilor? What the hell is she going on about? what does she know? Has she cheated? Has her husband? No, I bet not! Or maybe he has but she doesn't know, ha, now that would be funny! Keep my head down, this will go away, she/he will forgive me, just get on with it!
I want to get to the club and see that lovely guy/girl that's just started there. But this time I will be careful!'
Now do you get it? Now do you understand?
There is no guilt. There is only stupidity for getting caught.
Now its up to you.
Keep them or leave? Do you want to go through the same thing again? No? thought not.
100% Cheat Catcher!
- Has My Partner Cheated On Me? Secret Signs To Watch ...
Want to know if your partner has cheated on you? Sometimes the signs are just not that obvious. Proven ways to find out! Start investigating and find those secrets, they may be right under your nose!
Want To Know If They Are Telling You The Truth?
There are a few secret ways to tell if your partner is really telling the truth. Whether its because they have had an affair and feel guilty, or even if you suspect they are cheating.
- Cuddle them. Put your ear to their chest then ask them that question. If you are clever you will be able to tell if their heart beats really fast. It's a dead give away!
- Wait till they are nearly asleep. Then get up and look in their jacket pockets/trousers. Make sure they are still awake. If they jump up in bed and demand, 'What the hell are you doing?' You know they are up to something. Being half asleep will lower their defences! Of course if they just mumble 'Come to bed' Then you should be fine!
- Don't be scared to call in at their work. Make out you are in town and want to meet them for lunch. This will do one of two things. Make them jumpy because they were going to meet the other man/woman or scared that their friends will say something to make you suspicious.
- Follow them. Simple as that!
Sometimes Its Best To Just Walk Away.
Does The Truth Hurt?
Yes it does. Sorry about that. The fact is, the guy or girl who has cheated will always find an excuse. The sad thing is that sometimes they even believe it themselves. But the truth is, if you are the sort of person who cannot stay faithful, gets itchy feet five, ten even fifteen years into your marriage then that feeling has always been there.
They have just not acted on it yet. But they will. Believe me. And after they have done it once, its easier to do it twice or three times. Bit like jumping that first hurdle on a horse.
Remember, men are not complicated. They do what they do because they can. But now we know, so do women.
How do I know? Well, I will let you figure that one out for yourself!
© 2014 Nell Rose