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The Truth About Sex Outside of Marriage

Updated on June 16, 2011
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What does God Say?

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4)

As a counselor for young women in crisis pregnancies I have found that most of the women who come to me for help have had little or no religious upbringing. They are young adults of the “New Millennium”. They have grown up hearing about “Safe Sex” on TV. Many have parents who have never actually been married to each other. They have brothers and sisters with a different mother or father. Their family members have several different last names. They have heard about abortion since they were small children and our government says that abortion is legal, so why not?

How can a child growing up in that kind of environment possibly know that sex outside of marriage is a sin? All the people they look up to do it. How can they make the right decision for themselves and their unborn child when an unexpected pregnancy occurs because of it? Our government says it is okay to abort babies who are not wanted or who may not be born “physically perfect”.

These facts make my job as a counselor very difficult at times. The counseling center I work for is an outreach of the WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod). Our purpose is not only to save the lives of the unborn for time (the here and now), but more importantly for eternity.

It is very difficult to tell these girls that they are sinning and that they need to change their lifestyle when that is the only lifestyle they know. I try to explain to them in a loving way that this is not the way God meant for His people to live. Sex outside of marriage and unwanted children were not part of His plan for us. Rather sex was meant to be a blessing to married couples - a way for them to show their love for each other with the end result being a precious child to love - a way to become one, heart and soul.

22Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man. 24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2: 22-25)

Several years ago a young woman who did have a Christian background came to me for a pregnancy test. She had gone to a Lutheran school for all of her elementary years. I did not know her personally, but having had attended Lutheran schools myself my entire life; I knew she had been taught the truth. She knew what God expected of her. My exact words to her were; I know that you did not learn at St. Marks that sex outside of marriage is okay. It wasn’t a reminder she wanted to hear, but at the same time she knew I was right.

The bottom line is that young people need to hear the truth. As God’s representative it is my duty to tell them the truth. If they have grown up with the truth, then it is my duty to remind them in no uncertain terms that they are sinning. If they have not, they need to be told in a loving way what God’s will is for them. They need to know how they can change things for the better and they need help and encouragement to take the first step in the right direction.

It is a great privilege to be in a position where I am able to reach out to those who don’t know and have never been taught the truth. Many times the truth is not welcomed, but at least I have done my duty toward them. The rest is in the Lord’s hands. It is always my prayer that God will give them His Holy Spirit so that the seeds of faith planted in their hearts will grow and change their lives and the lives of their children, not only for time , but also for eternity .

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head that is Christ. (Ephesians 4:14,15)

By Kristeen – To God be the Glory!



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    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan

      There is a type "o" in the above comment. "I give YOU women", should read "I give YOUNG women" :( Sorry

    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan


      I think you should go back and read my hub again. You missed a very important part of the story. The part where we speak the truth in LOVE. We are there to offer emotional and spiritual support and practical help. When I counsel, I give you women alternatives to abortion and help each of them to make a good choice for herself and for her baby.

      I am not a licensed counselor. I am a volunteer and we are supported by the (WELS) Lutheran church. We explain this to each young woman who comes to us before we begin the counseling session and if they don't want to stay and hear what we have to say, they can leave at any time. I have never had anyone get up and leave yet. They most often come back to talk more.

      I do proclaim that life and giving life is beautiful. It is a gift from God to be treasured and protected.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Hi, I stumbled across your site while trying to find pictures of a 15 week fetus and I felt like I needed to say this.

      While I understand it is your right to have your opinion I just wanted to ask what kind of councillor are you? I am currently studying to become a councillor and I work as a community service worker working mostly with young parents. From what I have learnt so far that it is not the job of the councillor to impose your personal views or beliefs upon your clients. You have come across as somewhat judgemental and I feel this is not right. Your clients have come to you in a bad emotional state (feeling frightened and unsure of what to do) and what if they take what you say about their "sin" literally then off they go for an abortion? That doesn't seem very christian of you.

      I am a Catholic and I don't attend church nearly as often as I should but I was under the impression that God was forgiving? Oh I should of mentioned one reason I have taken offence to this is because I am 23, I had my son at 21 and I am now 15 weeks pregnant with number 2. I am engaged to my partner but I have no intention of getting married anytime soon. And you know what, I am sick and tired of having to justify my life and my life choices.

      I feel as someone in your position, you should really get with the times and instead of making scared expectant mothers terrified about God's wrath, wouldn't your time be better spent getting over yourself and helping these people be the best parents they can be without judgement?

      Here is a truth for you to proclaim, life and giving life is beautiful and yes while some people may or may not be in the most desirable situations, God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY.

    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan

      Unfortunately Jason, most of the hubs I write will be read mostly by the older crowd. The young people are often to busy to think about eternity. They feel invincible. It is very difficult for young people today to not follow the crowd. They are faced with sex at every turn from the time they are very little. Most five year olds today know more about sex than I did when I started high school, but we still need to proclaim the truth and not give up. Thanks for your comments.

    • Jason R. Manning profile image

      Jason R. Manning 

      8 years ago from Sacramento, California


      How very good of you to write about this, unfortunately, it may very well be read by only the older crowd. I say this from sadness and not from disagreement. As a young male, I knew the easy temptation our American high schools and colleges bring. I knew that I had to find someone special and not look to the ocean like an endless charter trip. There still are a handful of us left, but we need the 60’s generation to wake up to the destruction their loose ways ushered in the “me now” generation. Young Christians are like Salmon swimming against the current, each year there are less of us.

      God Bless.

    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you James. I value your opinion.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      This article is utterly fantastic. I agree with you wholeheartedly. God Bless You for the work you do.

    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan

      A M Werner,

      I thank you for your comments and especially for your prayers. I hope and pray also that your daughters continue in their commitment to purity. It is very hard for young people in the world we live in, but it can be done. Unfortunately my daughters didn't make it into adulthood although they had good intentions. Both had a baby in high school. As always though these babies are still gifts and blessings from God and with the support of family they made it through. I have always taught my children that even when we do make mistakes and bad choices if we go to the Lord in prayer and ask his forgiveness and trust in Him, He will bless us and He certainly has. Our grandchildren are of course very precious to us and we are very proud of each of our daughters and how they handled the situation.

      God Bless!

    • A M Werner profile image

      Allen Werner 

      8 years ago from West Allis

      Kristeen, excellent and to the point. Sometimes being straightforward is what the world needs. Everything else comes at children without any sugarcoating, and yet Christianity often feels it has to mince words and go down easy. The truth is already known in the heart and in the Spirit. People know it when they hear it. We have one daughter who is 25 - no kids, still looking for the right man to come into her life. We also have daughters that are 15 and 13 and they chose to buy and wear purity rings. Not everyone is blessed to have heard the message all their life, but some do hear the message and don't accept it. I am thankful my girls have accepted the message with vigor. They have influenced some of their friends to also get purity rings and take vows of chastity. I have heard of the WELS and will pray you have continued success in your outreach. Peace.

    • Kristeen profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Michigan


      Again thank you for your comments. You are so right about the many misconceptions concerning what the Bible says about sex and marriage. I do see many young women who are active in their church and are living with a man they are not married to and their church is fine with it. That opens a whole new can of worms so to speak. The issue I touched on in this article is only the tip of the iceberg.

      One thing I do warn the girls about also is the fact that getting pregnant is not the worst that can happen to them. HIV kills and STD's can damage for life and all of it can be passed on to the next partner. It is very sad.

      God bless DeBorrah. It is wonderful to know that others out there believe God's word as it is written.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 

      8 years ago

      Kristeen, Very good informative and helpful hub! You are so right! There are many that do not realize what the Bible has to say about sex outside of marriage! As you say: “They are young adults of the “New Millennium”. They have grown up hearing about “Safe Sex.”

      Christian Counseling is and can be very rewarding when you know that your intentions are to help others become better acquainted with the Lord, and His principles for life and living. It can also be very difficult as well! There are many that do not know, nor are they interested in knowing what God has to say. You are right again about "The Truth" not being welcomed! Finding a healthy balance is what is important. You really have to rely on the Lord….

      There so many misconceptions about what the Bible has to say about having sex. You have done a great job explaining on a level many can understand! The Truth is that many within the Church embrace the world’s concept of sex outside of marriage.

      There is a lot more that takes place during sex that many are not emotionally prepared for… It is really quite serious the number abortions, STD’s. as well as HIV on the rise. Although it is an everyday occurrence there is always a possibility of a child being born as well as emotional attachments being formed…. Great prebirth models! These are a few of the reasons the Lord has told us that “marriage” is the relationship that He sanctions sex! "The marriage bed is "undefiled!"

      Thank you for sharing, In His Love, Peace & Blessings!


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