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How to Spot a Narcissist in Any Relationship.

Updated on May 14, 2017

The real truth about being in a relationship with a narcissist

How do you know for sure if you or someone you know is involved with a narcissist. First you must get familiar with what the term actually means.

  • A person who suffers from Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) is an individual who displays patterns of manipulative, deviant behavior that can create carnage for those around them including harming siblings, colleagues, children, spouses, peers and even pets.
  • Initial Narcissist abuse starts out with disguised playful belittling, and often reaches to ignoring behavior, sabotage, physical abuse and more often than not, adultery.
  • Narcissists are rather notorious for carefully planning out their every move when in a relationship with someone.
  • They could care less about sparing their partner's feelings. They don't care about anyone because they're extremely self absorbed and can't see past their fake persona.

Does any of this ring a bell? The story below will help you recognize patterns and red flags. It should shed some light as well as hit the nail on the head for you so that you no longer have to wonder.

Sometimes the relationship turns you into someone that you're not.


Here's when the relationship spirals out of control

You met during the peak of your life. You couldn’t stop smiling at each other, finishing each other’s sentences, posting selfies all over social media, twinning, hanging out all day everyday together and taking up most, if not all of one another’s time together.

You were the couple that seemed inseparable. The ones who others were lowkey jealous of what you had because they longed for a love like what you two shared. You loved this person more than life itself, and couldn’t see yourself with anyone else. Ever. Ya’ll appeared to be super freaking awesome from afar. Or so you thought…

There was just a piece of reality that was missing. From the outside looking in, friends and family saw the red flags you were constantly overlooking. So, you avoided it and them all for the sake of staying happy and in love. What was it going to take for the truth to set in? How long would it take? What would you do in the mean time? It was only a matter of time before the walls came crumbling down and getting out and moving on would be a choice to decipher through.

After several months things noticeably started to take a turn for the worst. He would not come straight home after work. Started hanging out with friends (Or at least that was his story and he definitely, was sticking to it). Night after night you’d sit home on the phone talking to your bestie because you were left home alone many, many nights.

Even though it started to happen very often, you didn’t realize the ongoing pattern that was now being formed right before your very eyes. Were you to blame? How did you not see what was happening?

Narcissists blame everything that they do on the other person. Nothing is ever their fault.


How could this be?

The man you so blatantly loved, isn’t reciprocating half of what you are effortlessly giving to the relationship you're in. All that he is doing is taking from you, what you are so freely offering.

But how could this be when you always were basically the model couple who appeared to be so in love and joined at the hip once upon a time?

All you start to think to yourself is, "where did you're beautiful union take a left turn"?

Finally, with all the pain and heartache you endured and countless outsiders preaching to you to help you see what was going on, you free yourself. And you find the courage to walk away from the one thing that was tearing you apart within and bringing you down.

Even though it may have been extremely hard to give up, you know that this was something that you had to do for the benefit of your survival. Give yourself credit for beginning to love yourself more than settling for abuse, disrespect and also mistreatment. You definitely will come out stronger after it’s all said and done, and at the end of the day a very valuable and most certainly tangible lesson was learned. So, it becomes a win-win situation.

Sometimes you must walk on eggshells and steer clear from them.
Sometimes you must walk on eggshells and steer clear from them. | Source

The red flags pop up more frequently

As the months continued to come and go he began openly using more drugs, alcohol and other coping mechanisms to deal with issues he dared not to tell anyone about so he kept it in, all while turning you into the scapegoat and taking out his deep inner demons on you.

This new behavior he displayed was rather frightening and maybe even downright alarming but it made you want to stay with him and fight for what you had together. You thought, “If I show him how to fix himself and his issues, everything will eventually get better and work itself out, then we can get back to how we were in our happier times.”

As your love for him increased, the respect that he once had for you and your relationship suddenly made a dramatic decrease and took on a whole new direction that you never saw coming.

Suddenly the abuse started to form in every area. It began emotionally, and mentally, then carried out all the way until it began to be physically. Yet it wasn’t enough to leave it all behind. Your mind was really screwed by this time. He preyed on the little self-worth you had left and made you think that you were worthless. Yet you translated it into,” I can’t leave him, he needs me to get better” When you were actually contributing to the spiral you were now facing.

Often what happens is that many tend to think that they are “helping” and may go and try and talk with him in an effort to get him to change, in their own attempt to help salvage the already crumbling relationship and if that happens, now he knows that you know, and then it could get worse on many levels.

Love is not always as black and white as one might think it is. Sometimes there's deeper issues that are underneath.
Love is not always as black and white as one might think it is. Sometimes there's deeper issues that are underneath. | Source

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