- Gender and Relationships
The Women You Should Not Befriend
The Company You Keep
Sisterhood, Merrian-Webster defines it as the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns. How can we operate or get through life without our girlfriends? Our girlfriends that give us advice, sit with us and cry when breakups happen, or hang out with us when we want to spend time painting the town red? Women need women that love and encourage each other to be successful.
There are some women that you should really consider if you should include in your life as a close friend. Remember the old saying, you are the company that you keep? When you spend time around women that practice behavior not in line with your core values you need to really examine how much time you spend with such women. Avoid these women if you are interested in conducting yourself with integrity planning to live your life like a good woman.
Types to Avoid Part 1
“Comparison is the thief of joy”-Theodore Roosevelt / Dwight Edwards
Childish women spend their time measuring others looks, beauty, bank accounts, or achievements. A woman whole and complete within herself need not size every woman up upon meeting them. Every woman is responsible for where they are in life so if you choose not to believe in yourself or reach for your goals you should take personal responsibility for that decision. It’s not another woman’s job to make you feel ok about your life nor pacify your insecurities. Good quality women don’t run around stressed about what another woman might have because they are too focused on their own goals. If you feel inferior to others in some way then one has to look inside and determine what makes you feel this way. Do you carry yourself on a low-level, are you lacking in social graces, do you read enough to increase your vocabulary so your speech matches your intelligence level? Whatever the situation, no one is responsible for making you feel good about yourself, that must come from within. Spending time around such catty women you may be influenced to conduct yourself similarly.
‘Stop Hanging Around Promiscuous Women’ – Lenon Honors
Every woman must decide how to conduct, present, and honor herself in a way that reflects her truth. While that is an individual decision one must live with if you want to be considered a quality woman prepared for meaningful relationships that may lead to marriage stop being associated with the Saturday Night Special. The truth is your girlfriends are a reflection of you so if you are a quality woman that is careful and selective regarding your intimate partners yet your girlfriends are all over the place, a man will question and decide you must be like your friends. If you didn’t have anything in common with such women you wouldn’t find fellowship with them other than perhaps a mentor role for a youth program (commendable). None of us like to listen to our mother’s advice, right? Our mothers-the women who with one glance could tell you exactly what your friends were about and be 100% right every time. Remember your mom is not the only one that can see through your friends. How can two walk together unless they are in agreement? (bible) Remember momma always said they won’t say “she”, they’ll say “they” when it comes to your reputation and behavior. If you want to be respected and viewed as a wife or a quality woman then conduct yourself as such before marriage.
I learned the truth of this statement when a great guy I knew made it clear the woman I was hanging out with “wasn’t me.” He encouraged me to reconsider who I spend my time with because in his wisdom he knew a good girl and a loose woman should not have much in common. He was right.
The Gold-Digger and User
She can’t wait to eat for free or drink for free. Everything is about her “come up” and never giving to others. She may be the one to suddenly invite a male friend to hang out with you so he could pick up your tab. She may be the one who is offering for men to take her places for free. She’s the one who always wants to hang out but suddenly you end up paying more for her than she pays for herself. She’s your favorite girlfriend as long as you’re buying her business products, candles, or Avon. Trust and believe with this type of female something is always in it for her. It’s not a good idea to keep such company as your behavior could be influenced by her actions and you can be labeled by association, given a reputation by association that you didn’t earn. It’s terrible to be with people that have a negative reputation. Here are you are meeting business associates or socializing and people have that fake smile when you’re introducing your friend because her reputation proceeds her therefore questions are placed on your intentions as well. This is not a good look. Such women are never capable of being true friends because by nature everything is about them and what they can get.
Women That Want You To Fail/Sabotage Your Success
This is a tricky one to address. There are some women that appear to be in your corner but they really want you a step lower than them so they can feel better about themselves. They will rear their ugliness when you decide to start pushing for your dreams, attending conferences, surrounding yourself with upwardly mobile people prepared to learn, creating meaningful alliances. Suddenly they want to encourage you to party and drink the night before a big event or interview. Suddenly your girlfriend wants to club and hang out when you’re focused on more positive activities. Every now and then if you pay attention you’ll catch her sizing you up out of the corner of your eye and reminding you of past mistakes. She will do anything to keep you around her level or below because she doesn’t want to deal with her failure to reach her own potential. If you pay attention that girlfriend you love will despise you and move away because you have the nerve to do better for yourself when they want you to stay losing, failing to obtain a better status in life. You’ll know it when she runs another woman down in front of you for no reason other than the woman achieving success and carrying herself in a positive manner. They can’t hold in their jealously and contempt for other’s success – stay away from such a girlfriend. When you discuss moving forward and the conversation suddenly turns into an explanation as to why they choose not to move forward beware.
Types to Avoid Part 2
Be Lonely Like Me / I Love My Single Life (30+)
When it comes to love no one has all the answers right? Some people do their research to uncover issues and understand the opposite sex as well as relationship patters which is cool. Such people are making the effort to do better and can give advice even if they haven’t witnessed healthy stable relationships or stable home-life. Such behavior is commendable to seek knowledge and information to grow however one must be careful of people with no relationship reference that seem to tell you how to be unloving, selfish, or “act like a man” unattached to your feelings because that’s weakness. You are not a man, you are a woman. As April Mason would say, you are not independent, you’re self-sufficient. As a woman you were made to hug, love, care, nurture, support, and be devoted to a man -most of us at least. There is nothing wrong with trying to find love or be loved, that doesn’t make you weak it makes you strong. Most people don’t want to live their entire life at the club or revolving sex partners 24-7 with nothing to show for it. Reality hits when others have dates for the holiday party, get married and start families, or you witness those with a supportive partner that helps them to grow in life. We are here for each other not to hold up a shield of independence acting like we don’t need anyone for anything. Most of the twists and turns of life are unexpected like a cancer diagnosis, car accident, losing a leg, having a heart attack, or losing your job. When you’re all by yourself, you are by yourself for all of these events, alone. Your casual sex buddies aren’t going to pick you up from cancer treatments or help you use the bathroom if you can’t accomplish this by yourself. When the family reunions come and you see people extending their family but you’re still the bachelorette for life it seems kind of sad. What happens if your mind isn’t strong and you have no one to help you? The funny thing about being self-sufficient is if you really are self-sufficient you need not broadcast it or prevent anyone else from being there for you to prove you don’t need anyone. Everyone needs someone, we were not made to be on this earth alone. If you want to have healthy loving interaction stop taking advice from people that deny needing others or love.
Women that don’t stand for anything
50,000 photos and no opinion women. Their entire life is built on their wardrobe, make-up, accessories and finding the right guy to support them. Notice they aren’t interested in true love just financial backing with someone that’s handsome. They keep many friends because they bend and fold to whatever is popular to keep alliances. Beware of women that seem to twist and turn with the wind to accommodate other people. When you are determined to be the best woman you can be you need to surround yourself with people that really stand for something. As you mature, life throws may curveballs and you need women around you that believe in a truth or something of substance. You don’t need people waiving with the wind afraid not to go along to get along so they stand for nothing. You need a group of women around you that keep focused on what’s important in life and stand for something. Even if you don’t agree you know who that person is and where they’re coming from without question. You know these women because if you ask them a direct question they either dance around a response or choose a response that they believe reflects your opinion. “Iron sharpens iron.”
Liars and Manipulators
Women that are deceitful, constantly working people like pawns on a chessboard in order to accomplish individual goals. Everything and everyone must be worked in a way that meets their objectives while they play innocent and sweet. Guessing wrong information so you can clarify and give them the information they seek. Arriving late to meetings to make sure everything is set once they walk into the door. Talking about people behind their back but smiling and hugging the person every moment they can speaks of poor character. You know women that have financial problems but get around others and she’s on top of the world attempting to keep up with others using her last money on her credit card to play rich. These women are also known as the “me too” girl, if you go to church so do they, if you volunteer so do they, if you are not promiscuous they aren’t either, and if you are interested in investments guess who is as well? They use you as their eyes, legs, or personal assistant to do their bidding. These women are constantly working people and although being confident and achievement is admirable, manipulating others to accomplish your objectives does not seem to follow people with good morals. What good woman spends time with liars as friends?
Jail House Rock
While you keep it classy this female is constantly in a state of fighting. She is surrounded by drama, anger, and fights. A night on the town can almost certainly end up with red and blue lights flashing. A woman that can’t control her temper or resolve conflict without resorting to violence immediately not only makes you look bad, it can bring unnecessary drama to your life for no reason. Anyone who’s anger presents them from thinking logically certainly will not only cause problems for them but will result in problems for you as well. Everywhere you go they have a problem with another female and if there’s no problem they will certainly create one. This type of female is angry due to other issues: poverty, poor home life, or other psychological trauma. Leave this type of female along, you can’t spend all your savings posting bail money for her continuously.
You are a unique and wonderful woman. The Creator made you special so own that destiny. While you seek to be your best self and have an amazing life remember to surround yourself with people that truly love you and want the best for you. Surround yourself with women that will speak truth to you and help you to develop into a wonderful person. Surround yourself with women that reflect your beliefs, values, and character. You rarely see successful people spending time with people that do not reflect their values and beliefs unless then are mentoring for the greater good. If you are a good woman then your friends at the core should reflect your goodness. You can’t spend your time with charlatan’s, hustlers, con-artists, good-time girls, and thieves not expecting to be labeled as such or develop their behaviors. Your life will be enriched by women that love you like sisters, are authentic, and really care about you.