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The clear factor

Updated on July 9, 2010

A relationship is a job by itself. After all the excitement of a new love has died down, that's when we start to see people for whom they really are...from the habits that we find appalling to their strengths and weakness that make us imagine a future with them.

However, when it’s all said and done, problems in a relationship begin when we start forgetting what brought the two people together because, all of a sudden we are doing the same things while my eccentric nature might have been what complimented your cool calm and collected self.

Living like you are still single is also a cause of problems because, by virtue of not including your partner whether its in sulking, making disappearing acts instead of just spilling your guts out over how bad a day you had or how plans you had backfired is a cause for alarm.

This is especially more so when you anticipate that he or she could be the one or worse still if you married to them and yet they don't consult you when they make decisions such as financial ones like taking a second mortgage against the house to help out a family member when you are counting pennies stuck between the cushions in the couch to help make ends meet.

There is also the issue of kids getting in the way of enjoying each other. Many are the times we forget that before the kids made an appearance it was just the two us. All of a sudden, everything goes out the window, from the cute little black dress that revealed enough to get the juices going yet leaving a lot to imagination and right into baggy sweats because suddenly, you you no longer have time to clean up and look good for your man to no more sex because the kids are sleeping in the next room. .

As for guys the act goes out the window and you are back to living like a bachelor from leaving dishes in the sink even when your lady is out of town, to socks lying around because you finally have someone to collect and clean after you and yet expect her to still have the energy to get her groove on when the kids are tucked in,

Then there is the ever there dreams that you think are more important than your partner yet there was enough time to chase after them because once upon a time you believed they were the love of your life and the job would still be there tomorrow while they might not be.

It's even worse when you propose to them to consider taking time off and become a stay at home parent because you can afford to take care of them and then you think they have changed because at the end of the day there is nothing inspiring to talk about besides household stuff and suddenly you are looking sideways to get you intellectual high going.

In some cases not celebrating in the successes of your partner such as when they make partner at the firm or the fact that they cinched the deep pockets clients meaning more income for them than you.

All I am trying to point out is this, hooking up means making things work while still enjoying the little things that make you, you things like:

• Still having that boys night out or the girls day out

• Shipping the kids off to grandma for a week or two vacation to give the two of you some alone time

• The "I love you we are in this together....please talk to me" moments

• Accompanying them to the company bash and showing your support with a more of “this is my man/woman doesn’t he/she look fine eat your heart out” attitude rather than “this is my husband/wife keep your hands off I am watching you like a hawk” attitude

• "even though we both have careers we will try to work around them and have time for each other regardless of how demanding" commitments 

• and the "while I do understand your money is your money, we are a family and I don’t dispute that you need your own cash, but for things that could affect us as a family, please have a care a discuss them with me"

Just thinking out loud….

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