In Africa especially in Nigeria, Virginity is a very serious issue. Although nowadays, it doesn't quite look like it, it actually is a thing of pride to get married as a virgin. It is one of the major cultural values that are inculcated to a Nigerian girl child.
Virginity is not just a norm for females only but for the males as well. The only thing is that, there is no definite procedure to figure out if a male is a virgin or not. The focus is therefore left to the girl child because, it is possible for her husband to tell if she is a virgin or not.
It is just surprising that most girls lose their virginities before marriage. It is sad, very sad. But does not mean that it was the girl's fault. Sometimes, it is and other times it is not. It will be hypocritical if judge girls who lose their virginities. There are very many reasons that could lead to that. It is proper that before pointing accusing fingers, proper investigation should be done.
Below are a few reasons why most Nigerian girls lose their virginities
Reasons why Nigerian girls lose their virginities
When you ask any girl who has lost her virginity, she is going to give you one of these reasons, either directly or indirectly.
1. Lack of proper home training
In a proper Nigerian home setting, the parents, especially the mother, inculcates the culture and traditions of the land. One of the major cultural values a mother specifically tells her child is that she should herself for her husband. It is believed that when a girl marries as a virgin, she has a sense of worth before your husband. Her husband will respect her because he knows that she is not loose and that she respected yourself enough to have waited till she got married. Another reason Nigerian mothers give their daughters is that, when they experience child-bearing complications (such as barrenness and miscarriages), the girl is not accused of unjustly. The major reason a Nigerian mother gives her daughter is that, it will present her a good relationship with God. This is because, God says in this word that women should be "...like polished pillars and walls" and not "...like doors" according to The Bible in the book of Songs of Solomon. Although some girls don't listen to their mothers, they later regret that decisions later in life.
Ignorance is not an excuse to lose of virginity. Although many Nigerian girls give a lot of flimsy excuses for losing their virginities. Ignorance is not really the issue, it is lack of self-worth. Any girl that sells herself for money is not ignorant, but lacks respect for her own self. It is true that there are very many sex worker and most of them started out as virgins. This may have been as a result of keeping the wrong company. In the aspect of ignorance, many girls fail to understand that there is a special bond between your sexual partners and yourself. They just got into the market and sell themselves for money that they don't always enjoy because of illnesses or even death.
3. Peer pressure
This is the greatest reason many Nigerian girls lose their virginity. Right after they leave the protective coverage of the home and get into the society, there is little the family especially a mother can do. The company a girl keeps can either make or break her. When a young girl walks in the company of girls who have low moral standards, the chances of her becoming morally loose are high. Keeping bad company would affect any good manners that a girl may have learnt at home. When the girls in her circle are doing a particular thing, the chances that she will do the same is very high. Smoking, using hard drugs, drinking, stealing, these are all characters that can easily be gotten form keeping the wrong crowd. So also, a circle of girls who go around sleeping with men who are not their husbands, will affect any other girl who had not been used to that life. The logic is simple, she will not want to be left out or laughed at. She might not necessarily want to partake in the act, but she has little or no choice. The only way a girl can help herself in that situation, is to break out from such a circle. And breaking out is not easy, breaking out can only be done by a girl with a very strong will. A girl who doesn't care what people will say.
4. Pressure from a partner
Sometimes, when a girls get into a relationships, they tend to lose their virginity to their boyfriends. This could be because of many things. One of the numerous reasons could be because they want to keep their boyfriends. Lets make a case study, if a girl's boyfriend really loves her, he will wait for her till she is ready because, he knows that she is his on the long run. Peradventure a breakup occurs, and a girl had lost her virginity to her ex-boyfriend, she will not feel happy. And the chances of her sleeping with the next boyfriend is high and there is no assurance that the next ,man will be her husband. To prevent this chain of numerous sexual partners, it is best to abstain from sex till she is ready to get married.
5. Practising the European culture
Many Nigerian girls learn a lot of things, good or bad from the Europeans. In respect to our topic, many Nigerian girls are not realistic. When they watch European films, they get the idea that having sex is not a big deal. This is a very great mistake. In Nigeria, sex is a very big deal and only be done with your husband. Sex is not a game for fun or pleasure. Sex is a gift from God and should be respected as such.
This is the saddest way a girl can lose her virginity. It is one of the prominent issues in Nigeria and Africa as a whole. It is not a thing anybody prays to happen to their worst enemy. Rape can also be avoided in a few ways. Dressing appropriately is a great way to avoid rape. Men are moved by what they see, hence, girls should learn to dress conservatively. Another way to avoid rape is to reduce or totally eliminate walking alone in lonely paths and at lonely times. When moving in lonely paths or at night, it is best to be in a group or in a company of a male that can protect you.
Is there still hope?
Irrespective of what state you are in, there is still a way. The fact that one has lost her virginity is not really a bad thing. A man will still marry her and love her.
Getting married as a virgin is not a sure-banker that you will have a happy marriage. But is sure that God will be happy.
In reality, it is usually the "loose" girls that get the best man because they have been through a lot of men and know how to distinguish between real men and jokers. Because, experience they say, is the best teacher.
To stay safe, play safe. Avoid being alone with your partner at odd times. Have friendly conversations, go for lunches or dinners in open places, see a movies, go to the park. Just do things together that will not put you in a compromising position.
So, what are we saying?
Amiss all these numerous reasons why many Nigerian girls lose their virginity, there is still a handsome population of Nigerian girls who believe that sex is a big deal. And it is honourable to be done with your husband without any need to hide.
When something has to be done without other people knowing or behind closed doors, it is not right.
Sex is a gift from God, to be enjoyed between a man and his wife. It is something that should be waited for to do with the right man.
Although there will be a lot of contradictions from people, saying that waiting for sex is old school, it isn't. Waiting for sex till marriage is the right thing to do.
This is because, you show that you are a virtuous woman with high morals and values, you show to the world that you come from a good family and that your mother is really blessed and then you show to God that you respect Him and His ordinance. And it will surely be well with you.