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The secret to happiness in marriage- Show your love!

Updated on December 29, 2013

“Friendship is a deep oneness that develops when two people, speaking the truth in love to one another, journey together to the same horizon.” -Timothy Keller

You want happiness in your married life, but feel very difficult to find it. You were happy when in love, weren't you? But why do you find it near impossible to sustain the same happiness after marriage? Here is the reason! Your life changes drastically after marriage and you enter into a new situation wherein you find everything about your spouse totally different from what you had so far seen.

‘He\she is not the person I loved!’ You are confirmed that your spouse has changed negatively. Instead of finding happiness in your spouse, you crave for what you do not get from him\her. The secret to happiness in married life is not a tall order, but a very simple one. It all depends on your mindset and the way you react to the emotions of your spouse.

Are reactions that important in married life? What does reaction in marriage mean? It is the response you get from your spouse to your love and care. You feel good when your spouse reacts positively to your loving overtures.

How will you feel when there is a dead pan expression in the face of your spouse to your emotional feelings? You feel completely put off, don’t you? ‘It is no use taking care of him\her’, you tell yourself with frustration. This makes you gradually withdraw from your spouse and you both drift apart in indifference. This is the main reason why most marriages lose the happiness it actually should give.

When you give unconditional love to your spouse, you expect a reciprocal response from him\her. You also want mutual responsibility and commitment from him\her in return for the care and the immense input of dedication you put into your married life.

While loving emotions of your spouse should get positive response, there are certain emotions which need different reactions from you. Here your reaction should be in entire contrast to what your spouse shows. Anger, impatience, reckless behavior, irresponsibility all need the exact opposite reaction from you.

Marriage is a tricky relationship; more like walking on slippery flooring. You have to keep your steps measured as otherwise you skid headlong in the slipperiness. Most of you want your spouse to react with emotional bond towards you, but fail miserably to show the care and concern needed to make him\her feel loved by you.

When you live your married life as your mind dictates, you invariably become self centered and completely focused on your needs only. After marriage, your focus should not be from your view point, but from mutual standpoint.

  • When you are pulled down by worries and emotional upheavals, your spouse should support you instantly and immediately.
  • When you lose your temper, the sensible backtracking of your spouse makes your anger peter into nothingness and you realize that your anger is unreasonable and unnecessary.

The reaction you both show towards each other forms the basic foundation of a good marriage. When you do not react the proper way to the emotions of your spouse, you cannot find happiness in your married life; even you dig deep for it. Thoughtful reactions to your spouse is a simple way to incredible happiness in your married life.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      billy, thank you for your continued encouragement.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Once again a treasure chest of excellent suggestions. Well done Mathira; you are oh so right with your counsel.