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- Separation & Divorce
The war is over....for now
The beginning of the end
For those of you who care, I'm here to let you know that I finally took the steps to remove my abusive husband from our family picture. I have nothing intelligent to say today, I am suffering from lack of sleep among so many other emotional woes. I'll be okay, I've toughened my skin over the last few months, I'm simply at a loss for the brain power to write an interesting hub.
I finally was able to spend some time with my own family, my husband has always done everything in his power to stop me from having a relationship with anyone outside of him. That is how abusers work, they isolate their victims.
Easter was wonderful. I spent the day with my maternal family that I had missed so much. It went great. We laughed and laughed as we usually do, I felt like I was "home" again.
After three days with my family, the kids and I came home to hell. H had cleaned parts of the house, which was so very nice and appreciated. I was dreading coming home to a mess, H is against cleaning, "That's woman's work". As you can imagine, the smile on my face went on for days as I walked into my home without tripping on toy blocks and stuffed animals. I do actually enjoy those things. The little things about having children; the toys, the communication, the love, the laughs. Indespensible.
I wasn't in the house more than five minutes when H decided to start in on me once again. He had been up for 6 whole days, on Meth (I'll be writing a hub about that this week), and I couldn't stand him then, but the neighbor said he was up all weekend as well. When I say "up", I mean he didn't sleep and barely ate any food in that amount of time. It doesn't take a scientist to understand what that alone does to a body, nevermind the drugs. Then add one of the worst street drugs in the world and there is my H, what a pretty picture huh?
So, after a week and a half of no sleep and lack of nutrition, H was making absolutely no sense. I could barely understand the words that were gurgling out of his mouth. All I know is that he was hurling accusations and insults at me like he so often did, but is now at the point where his mind is basically eaten away like a block of swiss cheese. Talking to him is like trying to talk to a 3 year old with mental retardation, and I don't say that to demean anyone with retardation, I'm being completely serious. If you didn't know him, you would absolutely agree with that comparison, sadly.
H was holding our (nearly) one year old and H was so screwed up that the baby would just cry for me. H was spinning around and bumping and jumping around so much, he couldn't stand still if he tried. He also over-fed him because he had no concept that the baby was full, and baby threw up all over later that evening. Baby is already sick with allergies, and H does this to him.
H also tried to stash his paraphernalia with the neighbors, but she brought it to my attention and returned the items to me, for evidence that I could bring to the police.
I brought the children to the neighbors house, and first called H's parents. I let them know what was going on, so that they had a clue as to why the police would be involved if their son ended up in jail. After 12 years of going through this stuff with us, they conceded. They said that H had been at their house over the weekend and treated them horribly, and that I should take care of things however I needed. H's mother did try to call him and get him to stay at their house at least for the night, but she told me later that he didn't care. He wasn't making any sense, then she said "...good luck and let us know if you need anything." This is coming from my in-laws, his own parents, again, sad.
I phoned 911 after H decided to follow me around the house, yelling obscenities at me. I asked to leave several times but as always, he did as he wanted, and continued to berate me and tell me that he didn't have to leave. Because of government budget cuts, there wasn't a deputy in the area until 10 pm, it was only 7:30 pm at this point. I spoke with the Sheriff's department on the phone several times, and even handed the phone to H per request of the Sheriff's department. H was given 10 minutes to get his shit together and leave, thank God. Ten minutes later I went and got my children from the neighbor, and we enjoyed the rest of our evening. My 11 year old daughter kept saying, "Isn't it nice to have peace and quiet, and to laugh and play without dad yelling?" Now that speaks volumes in my book.
Unfortunately I'm sure he'll have to return at some point to get his things, but I'll make sure to be gone and he must be escorted by police. I'd like to see him try to get joint custody of our children now....
There is an unspoken peace in the house this morning, as my daughter so wisely pointed out last night. It's what we've wanted for months and even years. I think at this point it's over....I hope.