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The war is over....for now

Updated on February 18, 2013

The beginning of the end

For those of you who care, I'm here to let you know that I finally took the steps to remove my abusive husband from our family picture. I have nothing intelligent to say today, I am suffering from lack of sleep among so many other emotional woes. I'll be okay, I've toughened my skin over the last few months, I'm simply at a loss for the brain power to write an interesting hub.

I finally was able to spend some time with my own family, my husband has always done everything in his power to stop me from having a relationship with anyone outside of him. That is how abusers work, they isolate their victims.

Easter was wonderful. I spent the day with my maternal family that I had missed so much. It went great. We laughed and laughed as we usually do, I felt like I was "home" again.

After three days with my family, the kids and I came home to hell. H had cleaned parts of the house, which was so very nice and appreciated. I was dreading coming home to a mess, H is against cleaning, "That's woman's work". As you can imagine, the smile on my face went on for days as I walked into my home without tripping on toy blocks and stuffed animals. I do actually enjoy those things. The little things about having children; the toys, the communication, the love, the laughs. Indespensible.

I wasn't in the house more than five minutes when H decided to start in on me once again. He had been up for 6 whole days, on Meth (I'll be writing a hub about that this week), and I couldn't stand him then, but the neighbor said he was up all weekend as well. When I say "up", I mean he didn't sleep and barely ate any food in that amount of time. It doesn't take a scientist to understand what that alone does to a body, nevermind the drugs. Then add one of the worst street drugs in the world and there is my H, what a pretty picture huh?

So, after a week and a half of no sleep and lack of nutrition, H was making absolutely no sense. I could barely understand the words that were gurgling out of his mouth. All I know is that he was hurling accusations and insults at me like he so often did, but is now at the point where his mind is basically eaten away like a block of swiss cheese. Talking to him is like trying to talk to a 3 year old with mental retardation, and I don't say that to demean anyone with retardation, I'm being completely serious. If you didn't know him, you would absolutely agree with that comparison, sadly.

H was holding our (nearly) one year old and H was so screwed up that the baby would just cry for me. H was spinning around and bumping and jumping around so much, he couldn't stand still if he tried. He also over-fed him because he had no concept that the baby was full, and baby threw up all over later that evening. Baby is already sick with allergies, and H does this to him.

H also tried to stash his paraphernalia with the neighbors, but she brought it to my attention and returned the items to me, for evidence that I could bring to the police.

I brought the children to the neighbors house, and first called H's parents. I let them know what was going on, so that they had a clue as to why the police would be involved if their son ended up in jail. After 12 years of going through this stuff with us, they conceded. They said that H had been at their house over the weekend and treated them horribly, and that I should take care of things however I needed. H's mother did try to call him and get him to stay at their house at least for the night, but she told me later that he didn't care. He wasn't making any sense, then she said "...good luck and let us know if you need anything." This is coming from my in-laws, his own parents, again, sad.

I phoned 911 after H decided to follow me around the house, yelling obscenities at me. I asked to leave several times but as always, he did as he wanted, and continued to berate me and tell me that he didn't have to leave. Because of government budget cuts, there wasn't a deputy in the area until 10 pm, it was only 7:30 pm at this point. I spoke with the Sheriff's department on the phone several times, and even handed the phone to H per request of the Sheriff's department. H was given 10 minutes to get his shit together and leave, thank God. Ten minutes later I went and got my children from the neighbor, and we enjoyed the rest of our evening. My 11 year old daughter kept saying, "Isn't it nice to have peace and quiet, and to laugh and play without dad yelling?" Now that speaks volumes in my book.

Unfortunately I'm sure he'll have to return at some point to get his things, but I'll make sure to be gone and he must be escorted by police. I'd like to see him try to get joint custody of our children now....

There is an unspoken peace in the house this morning, as my daughter so wisely pointed out last night. It's what we've wanted for months and even years. I think at this point it's over....I hope.


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    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 8 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thank you LondonGirl....I feel that I don't have any choice but to be strong anymore. I played the weakling for too long. Thanks so much for the advice, I will take it:)

    • LondonGirl profile image

      LondonGirl 8 years ago from London

      Very best of luck - stay strong.

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 8 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Frieda--Thanks so much for your comment:) I hope that even one other woman can save herself from this same situation, as you said, that is my goal here. I've always known that I wanted to help others, but didn't realize that I'd ever have an area of expertise, per

    • Frieda Babbley profile image

      Frieda Babbley 8 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      I'm in awe of your story and the calmness with which you tell it. You've got your mind made up, it seems; thank goodness. Hope other women in your situation or similar come across this, and that some of your strength rubs off. Beautiful piece. Thanks.

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 8 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thanks for the support everyone! I've already given him enough chances, and I always had a little speck of compassion for him. The amount of my compassion for him waned over time and is now nonexistent. I don't have to say that to impress anyone, this is reality. I've grown a tough skin over the last few months (as I may have stated above) and have no desire to do anything for him. In fact I already spoke with my attorney about expediting the divorce. If he wants to continue to fight over the kids, that's his problem, but I want the rest of the divorce issues taken care of right now. I don't want to be married to him anymore. I'm in love with the male population right now, he used up all of the love I had for him. Now I'm giving my children all of it, until I'm ready to be in another adult relationship, which probably, realistically won't be for quite awhile. I live in a small town and haven't run into too many prospects so far. But we'll see. It's all about my kids and me from now on.

      Love ya'll, thank you:)

    • profile image

      jjrubio 8 years ago

      Be careful girl...he will try to crawl back sobbing endlessly...I know that all too well. And since he is on drugs you really need to stay away. Never risk the safety of your babies. You and them are #1 and he is a number 2 that needs to be flushed.

      Call me if you need to. I will email it to you.! (( HUGS))

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 8 years ago from Ohio

      You deserve peace...hang on to it....and smile.

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      I got my fingers crossed jamieD, don't fall for no sweet talkin' tricks when he tries to come back

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 8 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Ivor--Thank you so much:) We'll take things day by day. Hopefully the peace remains. Hugs to you

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 8 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      I am happy for you to have peace and quiet. May it continue and may you and your children be safe. I'll be praying for you.