- Gender and Relationships»
The way it used to be
“I had been a rover;
I have walked alone
Hiked a hundred highways
Never found a home.
Still in all I’m happy;
The reason is you see.
Once in-awhile along the way,
Love’s been good to me”
A line from an old song from the 60’s that was popular during those times when drugs, hippies and the Beatles were the ‘in’ thing – thus a cultural revolution in the west emerged. Amazing how I can recall the lines on a song but not the title? And here am I sitting in front of my PC not knowing what to write, if at all. But I was awe-struck by the simplicity of things while the modern world makes it so complex. Ah, the advent of the information age brought all these things I said, but don’t we have a choice? To concur or just ignore the fad and just be ourselves is not easy either. Maybe I am part of the old breed – holding on to the old ways, though I can hardly accept I was. Maybe some ways have changed but there are constants that need to be preserved as it always has been. For example, marriage relationships: the mechanics have changed but the old ways seem to be better, don’t you think? Of course I am not an authority regarding marriage issues but I find it rather amusing that most experts (or those who claim to be) in this area are themselves rather ‘unhappy’ with their married lives or having hard time with personal relationships! Who then are the experts?
Here's my point:
I’ve been married for 26 long years; though I describe them as long years, those are happy years indeed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had marital problems and still re-surface once in awhile, but the frequency gets fewer and the intensity gets weaker as years go by. Marriage is not made in heaven. It’s right here on earth, between people with separate set of ideas, agenda, styles, goals, dreams, ways, etc…you name it. Often, the only common thing two people share is – that they like each other. It always often start with lust. Lust to your partner; and people often confuse that with love. As years go by, I’ve learned to love, and still learning as of today, that is at the same time learning to set aside lust – or to put it in proper perspective. For me – the balance of this lust-love phenomena is a healthy respect of your espouses’ individuality. Over the years, I have learned to give more and be more open to ideas in conflict with mine. That adds up to the point of my marriage. I have learned to accept my mate’s world, incorporating it to mine but what makes the fusion marvellous is the fact that she too learned to fused hers with mine, creating a heavenly-mix that only two people in love can describe. In short – we are learning to love each other. It takes time! Ours is not a perfect mix, as anybody knew – there is not a perfect mix in this world, but we can get close to it if we (together) work it out. The system has changed because people allowed it themselves to be dictated by the system. It is common today that couples would divorce at the first sign of trouble – thinking the easy way out. Well, in life – the easy way out is not always the solution – for whatever problem we face. If it is, why do we have a society so full of unhappy, grumpy people? Often, the hard and ‘narrow’ way is the best lasting remedy. That involves time, effort, patience and cooperation. This is earth, not heaven yet so expect imperfect things to happen between imperfect people. Ideals are often just in the movies! But why not create your own movie-like character in your own lifestyle?
We become what we think we are. This is not just a positive-thinking thing, it’s a fact of life! Out thought processes is what we end up acting in real life – so there you see! We need to fill our thoughts with good things in order to have good things come our way. ‘You are what you think you are’ is a valid statement that affirms your mind-set expressing itself in your daily life. So then victory and failure have a lot to do regarding the status of your mind. Victorious people always have the right attitude, though it does not guarantee winning all the time, right attitude always makes it easier to make it through because it is seen in a positive light. Some people think I am lucky. Funny thing is – ‘lucky’ people like me do not really believe in luck. Whatever term you may call luck – this feature is always found in hard work, diligence, discipline, drive and perseverance. Try all five virtues with passion and you’ll be ‘lucky’ with whatever you do. It is the same in marriage but add love with passion and you get a wonderful mix. By now we should have learned to utilize the power of our minds. We are endowed with this power; when used right – it produces great feats in our lives, it enriches, it fulfils, it makes our world a lot better, it brings us closer to our ideals. When used in the wrong – there you see our present world full of greed and other negatives around. You see, it’s easier to say the “can’t” even though we knew that success comes in “cans”. How we integrate this “can” attitude into our lives depends on our mind-set, so then this will be the pivotal point to which we gain leverage or not, then we should focus our efforts on this area, don’t you think?
Ah, the clock is ticking, so whatever time or effort wasted will never come again. In marriage, time and timing are invaluable. You have to have time, and you need to know the timing, especially to issues that seem to rub anyone of you the wrong way. There is always a compromise somewhere. Finding the way that will lead to compromise maybe the trick but on top of this is – it has to be ingrained with lots of love. Love has a third eye, it sees beyond the irrational. But you know what? There has to be a healthy respect of authority, so with that I am not qualified. But read it from the ultimate authority, and you decide for yourself. Love is defined this way:
4Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, 5doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; 6doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails.
(excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Believing is worth nothing until you practice it. Try it, you’ll not regret! You’ve nothing to lose and an everlasting bliss to gain.