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The worst thing a women can say to a man after a date!

Updated on February 28, 2008

I only want to be friends.

Ladies, and I mean all ladies have said this to at least one man in their lifetime. It might have been in high school, or it might have been last week. But let me tell you ladies, this is the absolute worst and most demoralizing thing you can say to a man. Especially after you have already been on a date or three. You know before you even go out on that date if you are not physically or sexually attracted to someone, so why go out on the date in the first place?

Let me tell you a story of the one of the biggest moments in my life ended with "I just want to be friends" and it totally demoralized me. I was a senior in High School. I had been dating a friend of my best friends girl friend occasionally for about 2 months. I'll call her Cindy. She was pretty and I liked her. It wasn't love mind you, but I did like her and thoughts of a long term summer relationship had crossed my mind. Then I was asked by another girl from an all girl school if I would take her to her prom. I'll call her Janice. As a favor to another friend of mine I said yes. We went to her prom and had a good time. Janice was a nice girl, although rather shy, and we had a good time together at the prom. So I asked Janice to my Senior Prom. About a week later, my best friend told me that Cindy really wanted to go to prom with me and that she really liked me. So I called Janice and made up a lame excuse as to why I couldn't take her to my prom. I felt very bad about it, but Cindy really liked me and wanted to go with me. So I asked Cindy and all was set.

The night of the prom arrived and I was on cloud nine. I drove to Cindy's house, expensive corsage in hand, to pick her up. I arrived and went in the house and as she walked down the stairs, she looked beautiful. I thought this was going to be a great night and tons of fun. We drove to the prom and went inside. As we sat down at our table, she turned to me and said; "I just want to be friends"!

I was totally devastated, demoralized and to be honest just wanted to go home at that point. But I roughed it out and stayed the evening. I found out later that the only reason she ever went out with me was so that she could go to prom and hang out with her girl friend who was dating my best friend. She knew all along that she didn't want to be my "girl friend" and yet she went along for the ride anyway. It was an experience that I have never forgotten to this day and that was back in 1974. I still think such a fool I was for not sticking with Janice and taking her. I probably deserved it because of what I did to Janice.

Since that happened I have had numerous other women tell me the "I just want to be friends" line after a date or two and each time I think back to prom and it just demoralizes me. So ladies, please, do not use this line on men. It hurts! A lot! Anything but "I just want to be friends". "You're not my type" or "I don't think this is going to work out", or even "I'm not attracted to you in that way". Anything but "I just want to be friends"!


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    • Iggy Sarducci profile image

      Iggy Sarducci 

      8 years ago from Wherever I am now

      Wouldn't it have been a lot worse if she did not tell you that she only wanted to be friends, and pretended otherwise for... who knows how long? Until later when it would hurt so much more? Even though it sure hurts like hell, it's just her truth. The truth hurts sometimes. A lot of times. That's reality, which comes with a lot of pain attached.

      In fact, I came upon your hub because I'm not attracted to someone in online dating and otherwise I really quite like her, and I'm searching for how to say this without hurting her feelings. I don't think there's a nice way for me to accomplish that. It just hurts when someone doesn't want us and we want that someone.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I just had the same thing said to me yesterday as a matter of fact. After 2 months of serious dating, I get told that she doesn't want to drag me through her troubles and that we should just be friends. I was completely blind-sided. I'm pissed, shocked, confused, and can sometimes feel the tears welling up inside. I just can't believe it. I've done nothing wrong to deserve this. That's what Idon't understand.

    • profile image

      Big Matt 

      9 years ago

      At least they are being honest. I would rather... i think a worse comment would be I am married or seeing some one else.


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