Excerpt from January 1999
My amiable, rose-colored world froze into
Undeterminable shades of black and white.
I cannot affirm how much time elapsed while you
Stole the only gift nature designed to be given but once, yet
From my wordless, dumbfounded point of view, time would not budge.
You enjoyed yourself, I know.
I shunned that satisfied smirk you planted on your treacherous lips
And bore testimony to the spiteful sounds of your
Groans of pleasure as they echoed within the silent labyrinth of my weeping soul.
I should have known that pleasure.
It should have been a memorable night with the proper person.
You were not that person and the memories were all amiss.
But you knew that.
You promised me respect.
You designed this.
My mind was not inclined to acknowledge such
To say you stole my innocence would be a gross
You took me for yourself literally, yes, but
You took me emotionally, too.
My sense of self-worth was eradicated by your
Forceful insertion of your foreign member.
No longer did I see myself as worthy of respect.
You started me down a path of self destruction that
I have spiraled down with amazing speed.
You have moved on, of that I am sure.
You probably do not even consider me or
Remember what you did, but
I cannot forget.
However I can heal.
You would not recognize me anymore,
I have gotten stronger.
Your scars are still there albeit
You do not cross my mind as often anymore
A victim withers away, bit by bit until there is only a shell left.
A survivor grows a new shell, stronger than the last then
Shows others how to build one.
Never will I go so far as to say you made me stronger
Therefore I appreciate your arrogant deviousness, however
There is a level of peaceful acceptance that I have reached
That allows me to say
“I forgive you.”