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There is nothing charming about a broken heart

Updated on December 28, 2012

I Fell for it too

Never in my life was i ever told that watching to many of those romantic/ romantic comedy movies will one day come back to bit me in my bottom.I wish i was warned, in fact i think all romantic movies should have a warning label on them stating. May cause amazing dreams and an unrealistic view on life, occasionally there will be a man that seems like he fell from between the pages of "The Notebook", but he didn't. Side effects; goo goo eyes, flirting, laughter, lust, total and complete bliss, joy, alluring eye contact, dreams coming true, thinking he's the one, and butterflies. Followed by; dreams being shattered, mascara waterfalls, emotional eating or lack of, weigh gain/loss, the realization that feelings are not mutual, anger, jealousy, depression, (in this order) mental breakdown, complete loss of mind, deliria (believing there is still a way you two can get back together or that you two are meant to be). If any negative side effects occur treat immediately, with a trip a girlfriend's house (with wine), as to not intensify your side effects but to eliminate them as soon as possible, through well needed alcohol induced venting.

Hopefully i am not the only woman in the world that has fallen head over heels for a European man and then watched her fairy tail slowly burn and crumble before her eyes. I'm going to be honest i fell hard, like all good soon to be relationships everything started off beautifully just like in the movies. He was tall, built like a Greek god (but he is polish), sweet and charming, dancing alluring green eyes that make you melt,...did i say ...charming? He is a total dream he made me feel like a firework in a night's sky. But blinded by my own light. I didn't see the fact that his feelings were not the same as mine. So i continued to fall like a meteor and just like one i came crashing down to earth.

There is no need to talk about the bliss i felt while on cloud 9 it is the side effects i felt when i fell off cloud 9. Many months have gone by (about 3) and i still cannot get him out of my head and heart. I see that he goes out of his way to avoid me and he doesn't want to have any contact with me. I do not understand why i cannot accept this so i pass through the anger and blame stage, pushing the reason for our breakup on other people and being jealous of my friend's relationships. Then i start to loose my mind and begin to think possibly if i was smarter, more beautiful, skinnier, full of more joy, kissed him better and more passionately, if my hair was shiner and blew beautifully in the wind, if my eyes were captivating, or maybe if i was irresistible. I actually sat for hours and made lists of all of the things that were detestable about myself and all the problems and reasons why things didn't workout, i beat my self up about it, the thoughts consumed me and i began to loose myself and become depressed and physically sick.

Now that 3 months have gone by and i still feel just as bad as if this all happened yesterday. Beating myself up and sitting around turning into a vegetable is not going to help my heart heal or help me move on. My first step to recovery is publicly stating that yes I'm going through a hard breakup. Yes i have gone to my girlfriends with wine and vented but true-fully it may take more than 2 times. My "what i hate about me" list will be turned into a list about all of the things he is missing out on and why he will regret leaving me. Also i promised myself that i will stop watching romance videos and stop dreaming about that fairy tail man. And stop loving without holding back. But i can't the more i try to hold the key components that make me, me and not you, inside the more depressed i become and the more my personality begins to seep through the ice cold cracks of my newly created personality. It doesn't make any sense to continuously beat and batter myself because one person didn't like me. I know it wasn't even my fault but i will learn from what he did and find someone better. And i will Learn from myself not to ever change myself for anyone or to blame me for their stupid mistakes. Even though i don't believe that time heals all wounds because it has been 3 months but i believe that no matter how many times someone can say you are beautiful or amazing. You will never believe it until you fell it in your heart about yourself.


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