- Gender and Relationships
11 Things Every Couple Should Discuss Before Getting Married
Marriage is not a deal. It is about love, commitment, respect, care and being each other’s complementary partner. Is Marriage only about love and sharing a whole lifetime together? No! It requires a big share of wisdom and maturity to maintain a relationship. Choosing an ideal partner is one of the biggest decision one has to consider, since it involves family and relatives, society and religion. However family and friends’ approval, engagement and wedding ceremonies are just sugar coating to a relationship, what really matters is the complementary aspect of both partners, the special bond they share as partners with whom they feel complete, can see a better future ahead and go as one through thick and thin. Before marriage everything seems perfect, no one will show their dark sides until they get married but getting used to someone’s imperfections before any serious commitment can avoid multiple discords and blurry situations. Therefore, couples should discuss about everything be it romantic night outs or important debts and finances before tying the knot.
How to handle conflicts after marriage
Conflicts and disputes were always famous among all couples. Living with each other, understanding each other and handling each other’s tantrums, all these require a lot of patience. Handling a dispute also says a lot about the relationship. Does one of the couple stonewalls his partner and just wants to be left alone to contemplate about things said during the argument? While the other one just want to diffuse out everything to finish up with the argument? Does one of them is always the first one to apologize? In healthy relationships, there is always respect and love even when it comes to conflicts. Each one will accept and adapt to the way their partner wants to deal with an argument, without any aggressiveness or attacks.
Is the trust completely built between us
Do you blindly trust your partner? Can you trust him/her totally in a way that you do not have any fear or uncertainties that things will be completely different after marriage with your partner? These questions sometimes make someone ruminate about the importance and trust that resides in the relationship about whether you can completely trust your partner’s sudden decisions about a new house, a new job, moving to another country for a better future. Also, can you completely trust your partner that he/she will always be by your side? Will he/she always love you for what you are? A certain confidence level is needed in the relationship before marriage in order to evade away such doubts and fears.
Help in house chores and cooking equally
In former times, the typical culture of having the wife staying at home and taking care of children and doing the cooking and house chores, while the husband would be out working to support his family financially. However nowadays, everyone works be it husband or wife. So house chores and cooking should be divided equally. Couples should already discuss who will do the cooking and house chores on which days of the week in order to support each other and avoid conflicts. They can make a list of the chores that need to be done and how it should be divided equally in weekends.
Religion and Relationships
Religion is never discussed as such before marriage. When we are in love and ready to accept our partner with all his/her qualities or imperfections, then religious views usually does not emerge in between. However, when couples start having children, religion and the act of being religious becomes important as a child should know to which religion he belongs to. A child should be taught how to pray, how to follow his religion and how to adopt moral values into his life for a better future. Therefore, discussing about religion before marriage is very important so that both partners will be ready to live according to each other’s religious views.
Money, finances and debts
Money issues in a relationship can create real outrage and just strain the relationship as it prolongs. Debts can always be a shame if it is about gambling or drugs or it can also be a disrepute for a girl who takes a loan to arrange for her wedding if she is going for an arranged marriage in an affluent family. They might judge her and her parents as being people who cannot spend from their savings to arrange for a wedding. These situations really help in defining a relationship about whether there is trust and love between each couple who can really understand each other’s situations about their debts. Whatever be the reason for a debt, one should not even lie about the amount of debt because this will erode away the trust you both partners share when the truth will be out after marriage. Discussions about they will handle all finances together by contributing equally, how they will share a loan to buy a new house all these are vital for a relationship in order to avoid any future conflicts and contrasts like who has got the more power in terms of money, who is more financially secured, who is more independent between both partners.
The way a couple deals with how to make his/her partner happy can be very different for each other. When she spends a lot of time just to prepare him his favorite meal to show him love and affection, while he prefers getting involved into deep conversations with his partner and then getting intimate with her to feel loved, can create conflicts and disruptions in expectations from your partner. So, it is better to simply ask your partner as to what are the things that really make him/her happy and satisfied in the relationship to avoid any disparity in the future and just improve the relationship.
Expectations about sex
The right amount of intimacy between couples may vary, so getting influenced with other couples intimate time will only steer your relationship in the wrong direction. The vital decisions that should be taken is how much sex will be important enough for the relationship. If couples have different suggestions about how much sex will be enough to keep the magic in the relationship, then problems are bound to arise in the relationship. If one partner is not getting the amount of sex needed then he might feel neglected and even stressed and if the other one is being forced to have sex, then he might feel like his boundaries are not being respected. Therefore, couples should discuss about the amount of sex they expect in the relationship after marriage.
Will friends still occupy a big part of our life after marriage
True friends have always occupied a major part in our lives and always acted as a great support when we have undergone through difficult phases in life. But when we decide to settle down with a life partner, friends should be able to give us our personal time with our partner. Before marriage, if every weekend boys night out is organized, this cannot go on like that after marriage. A boy should be hugely responsible to concentrate on his married life more than on friends. More time should be given to your life partner or you can just not get married if you still want a bachelor’s life with friends all around, partying and enjoying every week.
How individual activities fit into the relationship or how to enjoy activities together
Before marriage, we have a boundary set between personal time and couple time. During our personal time, we are free to practice our hobbies and do what makes us feel happy whether it is about cooking or painting and so on. However, we should not mix hobby time with couple time, both are very important and should be given equal time or else your partner can feel resentful and disappointed with the relationship if hobbies are always at the top of the list whether it is before or after marriage. Instead, both partners should accommodate themselves about each other’s personal hobby time. Sometimes, doing activities together is sheer bliss to a relationship. Making a list of the things you like to do together will greatly help to avoid problems and will help the relationship to just flow.
Adaptation to family member
Adaptation to each partner’s parents and relative is vital for the health of a relationship. If one partner does not get along with his partner’s parents, this can create a lot of misunderstandings and arguments among relatives. There will not be any delight for both couples to participate into family gatherings if one partner is not happy and the other one knows that his/her better-half is just not at ease to be among relatives. These situations become very embarrassing and difficult to conceal when we can literally see that one person is not participating and enjoying in a family function. Arguments like “You do not like my family maybe you don’t like me either!” can arise and these fights are horrible and difficult to alleviate. Right? These behaviors from one partner can really make them drift apart from each other and divert their goals they had set together as a couple.
Eating habits and addictions to gambling, alcohol and drugs
If your partner is way too addicted to gambling, alcohol and drugs all of these can be very notorious to a relationship. When a couple decides to get married, there are changes that need to be brought forward and habits that should be given up for a healthy relationship ahead. Drugs, gambling and alcohol all of these costs a lot of money and this can affect a happy marriage deeply, as one partner will have to bear all expenses all alone while the other one just spends lavishly for his personal desires. Further emotional distances will be formed if an addiction is put in the first place in a relationship. Eating habits should also be assessed when it comes to living together. If you constantly taunt your partner for eating too much, this can render him/her to be less confident and have a low esteem of himself/herself or this can create big disputes. If your partner is a vegetarian, this should also be respected and you cannot just impose your decisions on him/her to eat non-veg.
Marriage is a wonderful and sacred bond that should be valued throughout a whole lifetime. Marriage can shape you into your best version as a person with a wonderful husband or wife and children. It is about creating a strong foundation which is about love, trust, honesty, loyalty and friendship. But no has any idea as to what kind of situations, whether favorable or not, might arise and how to deal with these different situations. So, coming up with solutions like setting up small rules might help to resolve tough situations to avoid any rough patch in the relationship.
© 2017 Ashi