- Gender and Relationships
Things Everyone Should Know and Expect From Their Friends
As I stated in my "about me summary", I know who I am and I know who you are and what you're doing. What that means is that I'm extremely perceptive and I can often predict what other people are going to do. Along with knowing what they will do, I also know why they are doing it, what they intend to happen as a result, and what the actual result will be. I've learned over the years that most people don't know these things. They don't notice patterns and no matter how many times they see the same outcome, they still do stupid or crappy things, expecting something better to happen.
So, I'm writing this hub to hopefully enlighten people to the truth of human nature. At least in today's society. It's not very positive, and it's definitely not going to be sugar- coated, but it's what I've known to be true and honest and you won't get a lot of that in your life.
1. Do not tell ANYONE something you wish to be kept secret. 99 times out of 100, they WILL pass it on. And then that person will pass it on and so on until everyone knows your secret and they are all talking about it and you behind your back. Eventually, someone will ask you about it and you'll be terribly embarrassed that people have been talking about you and shocked that your confidant was untrustworthy.
2. Do not say negative things about someone if you don't want that person to know. For example: You're hanging out with friends A and B. They start complaining about another friend. C, and you join in the conversation, agreeing with them. You think this is fine, because you're all saying the same things. But, the next chance A and B get, they will go to C and tell him/her all the things YOU said, pretending that they thought it was wrong and needed to let him/her know. C is then upset with you 1. for the things you said and 2. because you said them behind C's back. Which brings me to...
3. When a friend tells you of something negative someone else said about you, don't assume they are "just the messenger". I don't know about you, but I don't have smack talking conversations by myself. That oh-so-kind-and-loyal messenger, was probably right there partaking in the conversation as well, agreeing all the way. The problem is, people always want everyone to like them, so they think it's ok to agree with one person and then screw them over to someone else secretly. Because then, both people, who no longer like each other, like them.
4. Just because you've made plans with someone, doesn't mean they won't blow you off or be incredibly late.Typical excuses " I got stuck at work", "I couldn't get off the phone", " I fell asleep", "I lost track of time", etc. All of these excuses are BS. You cannot get stuck at work. You have a schedule. When the time comes and you are off work, you are OFF WORK. If you're boss wants to talk to you, you say, "I only have a minute, a friend is waiting" and that's it. You can always get off the phone. You tell the person you have to go and if all else fails, pretend your battery died or you lost reception. Sure there are rare occasions where things actually do come up, but if these excuses are used more than once, you know that that person is simply a flake and not rely on them anymore.
5. You cannot help a "life mess", no matter how much they say they want to change. You can either accept them for who they are, or let them go.You know the kind I'm referring to. The ones who sleep around, or smoke pot every night, or refuse to get jobs, or stay in community college for more than 2 years, who are always saying how poor they are but continue to hit the bar several times a week, etc. I have several friends like this. It drives me CRAZY. You can see them wasting their lives and a lot of times they have low self esteem and hate that they are living this way, but deep down, they are comfortable and refuse to change. The best thing you can do for them is love them anyway, or remove them from your life. It won't do either of you good to judge them. There are small things you can sometimes get them to do. For the ones who sleep around, get them to go to planned parenthood for a check up. A lot of times those kinds of people don't use any protection and need to be examined by a doctor. For the ones in debt, give them the number for a debt management company. Greenpath is a good one. They give free debt counseling. But like I said, if the complaining about their lives instead of changing them gets to you, there is no shame in just walking away. That's a good intro to....
6. It's ok to break up with friends.Friendships are like relationships. You meet unexpectedly, you discover something in common, you start hanging out, then you become hooked on each other, and then you either grow apart, or the cute things they do become super annoying, or, for the rare special ones, they become a life long person you know you can count on. That last outcome doesn't happen as often as we'd like. Let's go back to the first two. Does this ever happen to you? You click with someone right away and you think they are your new BFF, but 6 months to a year later you're wondering "why am I friends with this person"? It's disappointing and frustrating at first. But once you realize that, it's ok to let them go. Sometimes this happens on it's own with a huge fight, or sometimes the friendship can just fade out. However, for some reason most people fight to hold on to these friendships, even though they don't really like spending time with that person anymore. You need to wonder why you want to save it? Because you've been friends for so long? Or they helped you through a rough time? Maybe that's all it was meant to be. Maybe you went through a really rough break up and that person happened to be there and understood what you were feeling and was there for you like no one else was. But you eventually recover and you get into fights with that friend. You wonder why? Then, most likely you will realize that you have very little in common with them. They were only in your life to help you through that, and now you can both move on. Don't stick around til you hate each other. Leave it with the memories that the friendship was what you needed at the time. If you're keeping people in your life that leave you feeling sad or angry, then that's just as much your fault as it is theirs. You don't need to keep anyone in your life unless they better your life and you better theirs.
7. Many friends don't care about you as much as you care about them and vice versa.Friends, once again, fall into 3 categories:
1. The ones who reallllly like you and you feel indifferent towards them. You may not notice it at first but think about it. If you go out and you aren't going to do something because you're short on cash, will they lay the money out? Will they travel long distances to see you but you always make an excuse to not be able to visit them? It may not be that you don't like them, but maybe you just don't need them. They are a secondary friend. There for you no matter what and you appreciate that but you do not feel the same way. It's a little sad to think about, but there isn't much you can do about it. Try to be aware of it and not take advantage.
2. The ones that tell you all the time that they miss you and love being with you and you should totally hang out more often but then NEVER call.This type of friend may take you a while to notice. You may spend a lot of time with them but stop for a moment and think about how that happens. Do you hang out in groups a lot and you were invited by someone else? Are you the one who texts or calls them whenever you're free? Try an experiment. Stop contacting them. See how long it takes for them to contact you. Maybe even ask others who does the arranging when they hang out with this friend. It could be that that friend is just a flake who doesn't contact anyone, or, it could be that they are BSing you when they say they miss you and want to spend time with you. If they are a flake, they eventually will contact you and wonder innocently where you've been. If they're the other kind, you most likely will not hear from them and if you run into them by accident they will awkwardly go into the "miss you" speech.
3. The ones who love you as much as you love them and prove this. You may not see them often because let's face it, the older we get, the more life gets in the way. But, if you're ever really upset about something, they are one of the first ones to contact you and tell you they love you and you do the same for them. You actually do MISS each other and tell each other randomly. When you are together, it's always comfortable like no time has passed. These are the people that unfortunately are few and far between and they are the only ones you should work on holding on to.
In conclusion, people in general are selfish and inconsiderate, and two faced. They are unreliable and untrustworthy. We all are guilty of some of these things but you need to be aware of it. Don't be naive. You can NOT trust anyone but yourself completely. So don't. Yes, there are those amazing few, who will be there for you no matter what. They get you and they don't judge you and they'd never betray you. But it will take you years to know for sure of that. Those are the ones you need to hold on to and be true to. For everyone else, be prepared for everything I mentioned above. Don't let yourself be blindsided. Most people will let you down. That's a fact of life. It's better to expect it because then you can avoid it or them altogether.