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Things I'd Rather Do Than Go Shopping With My Wife

Updated on September 7, 2015

My wife and I enjoy doing things together, which is good because, you know, we're married and all. Be it around the house or out with friends, we mostly enjoy each other's company....yes mostly. Because there's one thing, an activity so gruesome that it makes me yearn for that nice relaxing chair at the dentist's office.


This horrid activity involves roaming around and looking at blouses or pants. Tedious enough, but the stores play dirty, hanging banners announcing "sale prices" to entice victims. Once successfully baited, said victims meander about in a trance-like state buying things they already have, falling prey to such gimmicks as Half off left shoe...with purchase of right! or Pay an extra $5 and take an additional 5% off of $100 or more!!!

If I sound bitter it's most likely due to the fact that recent studies, like the one I made up, have shown that most of these excursions take place during game day. Thankfully she has female friends for this dreadful task. I am very grateful for this, sitting in the department store is a painful experience. Here are a few things I would rather do than suffer through it:

Watch a Lifetime movie - We all know men are evil, but at least I would be at home on the couch.

Fold my wife's clothes. - Seriously, how do women fold these things. The shirts have all these ruffles or buttons, they're too small to fold. Usually if I try to fold her shirt it's in a knot by the time I'm done.

Eat Brussell Sprouts - No, in this case I'm shopping. If in order to sustain life on Earth we had to eat brussell sprouts or give ourselves a shot in the stomach, bring the needle.

Paint - I hate to paint, and I'm not that good at it. Actually, being a sloppy painter has gotten me out of painting duty.

Grade papers - Correcting 2nd grade classwork can get extremely boring, not as boring as the women's clothing section though!

Watch The Exorcist - This movie scares me to death, but so does shopping.

Pull my nose hairs with tweezers - Very painful, but as the tears are streaming down my cheeks I will have the comforts of home to soothe me.

Clean the bathtub - Cleaning hair out of the drain is one of the grossest things I can think of, I'm not really sure why this is on the list...

Mow the lawn - I actually love to mow the lawn so this is a no-brainer. I usually cut the grass every 5 days in the spring and summer, I'm like an old man out there with my transistor radio, black socks and bug spray. Good times.

Watch soccer - I'm usually extremely bored trying to watch a soccer game-match. I got into it somewhat during the World Cup but that's once every 4 years. I know, I know, typical American.

Write thank you cards from our wedding- The sad thing about this one is I think I've been better about this than my wife.

Check my voicemail messages - I never check my voicemail. By the time I get around to it they have piled up and are pointless anyway. If you talk to someone daily, you don't need to leave a voicemail stating you just called to say hello, the missed call says it all.

Fine ways to spend a Saturday, when the alternative is shopping. But if you know what it's like to be in the ladies section, the blaze of perfume tinging the nostrils, not understanding the difference in the last 3 pairs of sandals, then well, yeah, give me that dentist's chair. As studies have shown, three out of four men prefer a good root canal to perusing for new bath towels.


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    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      A plan, wow, what a concept Alecia, can you talk to my wife?

      Thanks Victoria, I guess it's not gender based!

      I do need some help with the chores Ruchira, Thanks!

      Yeah, I'm not all that bright Ardie!

      Thank You R9139, glad you enjoyed it!

    • R9139 profile image

      R9139 5 years ago

      Very amusing, voted up

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 5 years ago from Neverland

      Doh! You did indeed make yourself a honey-do list. Your wife will very much appreciate the intiative you've shown on this one hahah

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      This is such a funny hub, Weestro. But on a serious note, even my hubby would prefer doing the above than go shopping with

      rated way up and funny!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      You are so funny, weestro. I'm a female, and I'd rather do those things than shop. I hate shopping. Boring and tedious and stresses me out! My boyfriend likes shopping better than I do. Loved the hub. Well done. Many votes!

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I shop sometimes but I realize it is hard if people aren't decisive. I usually know what I want and have a plan but I've been shopping with the slow pokes of all time. I thought I was going to go crazy. Great hub!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      I've been called worse akune! When it comes to shopping I'm as yella as it gets! Thanks for reading, enjoy the competition!

    • akune profile image

      akune 6 years ago from Surrey, England, United Kingdom

      You coward! And brussels are a tradition that must not die. You should have your nose hairs pulled by every wife in town. :)

      I must thank you for letting me know about the competition. I will enjoy the atmosphere of it, I'm sure.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      I'm sure he is Mustanggirl, great idea jim, i'll give that a try!! Thanks for reading!

    • jimagain profile image

      jimagain 6 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

      Whenever I am coerced into shopping with my wife, I play 'chicken' with my shopping cart against other husband's who were also forced to shop with their wives...or pretend I'm a NASCAR driver!

    • mustanggirl427 profile image

      mustanggirl427 6 years ago from Florida

      Funny stuff! You sound like my husband. He's so sweet and sometimes comes with me but I know he's actually thinking the very same things you wrote in his head as he sit's on the "husband benches."

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks guys, and after writing this guess what I found myself doing saturday?

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

      Clever clever....cheers.

    • kerlynb profile image

      kerlynb 6 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

      LOL! Totally witty :)

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks pinkchic, not bad for you maybe!!

    • Pinkchic18 profile image

      Sarah Carlsley 6 years ago from Minnesota

      I had to laugh out loud, funny list! I didn't know shopping was so bad!!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      Yeah, it's like if I take my wife to Dick's, she's bored to death. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 6 years ago from America

      It's really better for women to shop alone or with friends. My husband drives me nuts when he goes with me.

      "Do you need that"

      "We have those at home I'm sure"

      "How much is that"

      "You can find it cheaper someplace else"

      "Are you sure we have enough money for that"

      "Let's buy the store brand"

      Good Hub.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 6 years ago from Virginia

      See, It all works out!!! Thanks Miccimom!

    • miccimom profile image

      miccimom 6 years ago from U.S.A

      The brussell sprout thing made me laugh, good hub! I don't think I would want my hubby with me shopping for clothes anyway. Some things a girls gotta do alone! Voted up and Funny!