6 Things She Doesn't Want to Know About Your Ex
Women are jealous and catty by nature. Some of us are good at controlling it, others not so much. One area we all seem to be quite bad at handling, however, is the subject of your ex. A wise man knows better than to bring this woman up in any capacity (apart from when you're telling us how much better we look, of course!) but some of you guys aren't so wise at times. Therefore, I'm going to spell out 6 things you should never, ever, tell your girlfriend or wife about your ex, unless you're wearing a very sturdy cup.
1. She could have been a supermodel.
Unless we are supermodels, we don't want to hear about how sexy your perfect little princess was, ok? Nor do we want to hear how fab she looked whilst strutting the runway with her mile-long legs and botoxed backside. In fact, we don't even want to know if she won a beauty pageant in the first grade. Got it? Good, cos when you say these things, all we hear is you telling us that we're not supermodel material, and most of don't need reminding of such things.
2. My mom really wanted me to marry her.
Oh, really? The same mom who turns her nose up every time we try to make nice? Well, thanks for raising the bar even higher than it already is! Now every time we see her we're going to be paranoid that we'll never measure up to the could've-been-a-supermodel chick.
3. She didn't mind doing "x" in bed...
Yeah? Well, hey, there's still time to call her up and ask if she wouldn't mind coming over and helping you out with that. Oh...wait... that may be a problem, seeing as how she dumped you ages ago. Just because your ex enjoyed something in bed does not mean we will; nor does it mean we're obligated to try. If you want to encourage a little experimentation in bed, you would be better off finding another way to bring it up.
4. My mates loved her.
And... what? They don't love us as much as they did her? What are you trying to tell us with this one? That we should be more like her? Cos, guess what? That's not likely to put us in our happy place. In fact, it will probably put you in your unhappy place -- on the couch. Get comfy, buddy!
5. She had great legs.
You can substitute any body part here, and you can extend that to hair, personality or anything else you can think of. Tell us she had great anything and we will hear it as, "She had better 'x' than you." Paranoid? Maybe. Perhaps even probably; but believe me when I tell you that little consolation will not keep you warm at night.
6. She's still in love with me.
Great, now we have to worry about some psycho stalker chick who doesn't know when to give up? Not only that, but we have to worry that she might be able to get her little claws on you again at some point. And yes, claws is the right word; it's not called a cat-fight for nothing!