Things That Men Can Stop Doing at Any Time Now
I know you think you've got it going on...
Women aren't perfect either
“Women scheme when they are weak, they lie out of fear. Men scheme when they are strong, they lie out of arrogance.”
― Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot
This article is not meant to degrade or reduce men, but simply point out some less than attractive behaviors that maybe potentially damaging or interfering with positive reactions or outcomes in many relationships. This is meant to help guide men to a better path. This is not a matter of men versus women; after all, women are already the subject of much criticism and the brunt of many jokes. Not addressing these issues would be nothing less than an injustice to mankind. Let us focus now on the male specimen.
I can't see, I can't SEE!
Sunglasses are removable
Wearing sunglasses inside or when it's not sunny
I cannot stand to see a man wearing sunglasses inside of a building, sheltered from any sun, or when it is not sunny outside or even worse, dark out. For one thing, you’re probably a danger to yourself or anyone you come in contact with. Sunglasses are meant to tint, block or decrease brightness from the sun, hence the word sunglasses. If you are tinting an environment that is not in need of tinting, then you may be obstructing your view. Speaking of obstructing your view, sunglasses, with or without the suns presence create an obstruction of the eyes. Sunglasses are as frustrating as someone standing behind you in the grocery store with a hands-free Bluetooth device rammed in their ear; “What? I’m sorry, what did you say? “Are you talking to me?” Then you feel like a moron once you catch on that the stranger was “on the phone”. The same annoying situation comes with sunglasses, “Uh is he smiling at me?” “What is he smiling at?” I shouldn’t have to decode every person with sunglasses. Not to mention, guys think that sunglasses are a great cover up for looking at things they shouldn’t be, whether it’s your breasts or even worse, when it’s your significant other and their looking at someone else’s! Okay Mr. Mysterious, the sun isn’t shining, the sunglasses are no longer serving their purpose or doing anything for your look, in fact, they’re starting to insult your intelligence.
Yo, yo what up baby girl?
Hey Willie, I can't help myself. Neither can I George. Hey Peter, look, it's a woman!
Yelling from your car...
This is perhaps my biggest male-behavior pet peeve!
Stop yelling out of your motor vehicles to women that you pass by! First of all, if I don’t have my arm extended and my thumb pointing in the air, then no; “I don’t want a ride”! I’m not talking about, “Hey Miss, do you need a lift? I’m talking about “Hey, sweet thang, you want daddy to give you a ride?” Uh, no, actually you’ve just made me particularly uncomfortable and I hope that you are not 100% mentally retarded and that you will pull away and forget I was there. Secondly, do you actually think that some random girl is actually going to respond to your offer with a “Yes, stranger. Thank you for asking. I would love to get in a vehicle with you and hope that you actually bring me to my destination without violating me.” Thirdly, let’s imagine a female pulling this same tactic; “Hey stud muffin, why don’t you walk that sweet arse over to my VW Bug and I’ll give you a lift?” I have yet to see a woman approach a man in this matter, nor have I been witness or subject to a woman yelling such idiotic statements out to me or any other female.
Obviously, this unwanted attention also applies to those men outside of motor vehicles that feel the need to holler or whistle at women. Thank you for making me despise passing by constructions sites or any group consisting of 2 or more men. Whistling has got to be one of the most useless and annoying noises in the world! I don't believe there are sold out whistling concerts and there have been very few if any circumstances in my life in which I have enjoyed another person's whistling. Whistling is good for sporting events and calling in a pet. Please don't whistle at me on the street, it is not the time or the place.
I do not like them in a car
I do not like them near or far
I do not like them in a truck
Today, I think they’re outta luck
I do not like them whistling at me
I do not like them, please let me be!
Uh, excuse me Sir, I don't mean to embarrass you, but it appears that your pants are falling down.
Please pull up your pants!
I’m not even old, and I can’t say that I find it offensive, but I certainly don’t find the seams in your britches attractive. Unless you’re modeling for Calvin Klein, you’re underwear belong under your pants, hence the term underwear. It’s tacky when a girl is falling out of her pants and it is no cooler when yours are falling to your knees. Some of you are just plain ridiculous; when you have to walk like you have a branch between your legs to prevent your pants from falling to your ankles, you’re just a fool. Need I mention how silly those of you look with your pants falling down and you're sporting a belt; talk about an oxymoron, or just a moron! If any of you men cannot afford a belt and thus your pants are falling down, then my deepest apologies, but in the meantime, find a rope.
Making sure the shark didn't getcha?
Um, do you really have to do that?
Please stop adjusting yourself, itching yourself or confirming that your Johnson is still in fact there, when you are in public, or around anyone for that matter. The more you play with it, the more I wonder what the heck kind of atrocities are going on down there. Do you need a cream buddy? If something that distressing is going on than by all means, excuse yourself to a private area and take care of your business, but I will not have a conversation with you while you play pocket pool; it makes me relatively uncomfortable. Imagine if we women hung from our tacos the same way you guys do? I couldn’t imagine looking up from my café table to see a women standing in line fixing a “frontal wedgie”.
“The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”
― Bertrand Russell
It was my pleasure...
This was no means a man-hating or male-bashing article; it was meant to be a service to the public. My hopes are that this service will help both men and women if we can create an awareness and curb our behavior. I hope that I was able to shed some light on some inappropriate or rather unappealing behaviors that you may or may not have been aware of, that are “not working” for you. There is so much more work to be done and there will be more to follow. Please keep your eyes open for installment number two. Thanks for reading.