This Is My Coming Out Story
I Grew Up In A Christian Home.
My dad was a Southern Baptist preacher. Being LGBT was not an option. So like any good daughter, I tried to make several relationships with men work. However, I was very promiscuous. I would have sexual experiences with other women too, and would block it out in my mind as though it never happened because it just wasn't acceptable. Yet I have always been comfortable with other females and nervous and awkward with guys.
I fell in love with my best friend from high school, and yet I ran from the relationship. There was a period of 3 years we didn't even talk to or see each other. I never stopped loving her. After a bad relationship with a guy I had been with for those 3 years, I went back to her.
At this time, I realized we both still had strong feelings for one another. This is when I started realizing I could not force myself to love men. We both began to seek counceling.
Courage To Accept Myself And Tell Others
Through the help of my partner and this councelor and with time, I began to accept myself for who I was. I got tired of pretending to be something I wasn't. So I started by telling my close friends that I felt I could trust with my secret. Then I told some extended family members like cousins and then my Aunt.
In general, most people at this point were supportive. Then I took it a step further and told my Christian friends on Facebook. Of course there were people who disagreed with me publically. Most of them remained my friends but respectively disagreed with my lifestyle. I can handle that.
The last people I came out to were my parents. I think this was the hardest for me as we already have a strained relationship. All I can say is at least they are still talking to me right now. I am not sure if that is good or bad considering what they believe.
Yes You Can Be A Christian Lesbian.
For the record, I believe I can be a Christian Lesbian. I believe being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I believe I need Jesus to save me. He died on the cross for my sins. Without him, I would go to Hell. I believe his mercy endures forever. I believe my sins are forgiven and I am saved by the Grace of God. I could never be good enough by myself for Salvation, LBGT or not. Christ died for me as I am still a sinner. He didn't wait for me to clean up my act first. That is not to say I don't try to be a good person, but there are so many people out there who are quick to judge and point fingers.
Although there was some opposition, my overall coming out experience wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It is so good to not have to live a lie anymore. For me, it was worth the risk to come out.
Before I came out, I hated myself. I wanted to die. I condemned myself. I didn't need others to condemn me. Yet I felt I had no control over my sexuality. I just felt I could never get it right. I was absolutely miserable. Thank God, he saved me from this mind set.
I would advise those who are considering coming out to make sure you have a good support system first. The feelings of guilt, isolation, and grief can be overwhelming. Good luck. I hope it goes well for you, and I hope my story helps someone else.