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Three Red Flags: Sentences Guys Use That Equal Trouble

Updated on May 18, 2017

You’ve met a new guy. He’s charming and good looking. Sparks are flying. Cupid is zinging arrows at your heart and you wonder if maybe you've finally met "The One." But soon into your first conversation this man who makes your heart flutter, says at least one of the three dreaded sentences no sane man should ever say to any self-respecting woman. Keep reading to find out what these sentences are and why these particular words nearly always spell trouble---with a capital T.

Hmmm. 50/50...sounds suspicious.
Hmmm. 50/50...sounds suspicious. | Source

Statement #1) "Relationships Should Be 50/50"

Since when and in what universe is 50/50 even possible? Nevertheless, on the surface, the 50/50 statement sounds positive enough. After all, fairness is a good thing---Right? Well...sure, but in most cases, the man who uses these words is not really all that interested in what is fair for you as much as what is fair for him. In short, the phrase is misleading.

In reality, 50/50 guy is indicating that if you scratch his back, he’ll scratch yours. In other words, he wants the relationship to be sort of like a business arrangement. The most significant clause within the arrangement is that he is in no way required to treat you with the loving kindness, nor the respect he expects from you, unless or maybe if you first do this or do that for him---and that's a very big maybe.

Let's pause for a minute. Does this "agreement" sound like manipulation to you? It should. For example, let's say 50/50 guy called to speak with you, but you happened to be in the middle of a meeting with your boss at work. Consequently, you allowed the call to go through to your voicemail. 50/50 man is going to count that as a strike against you. Never mind that you don't like taking personal calls at work or that picking up the telephone when you are in a meeting is out of the question, in the first place. None of that matters to percentage guy. You didn't answer his call. According to him, you were being unfair and you will be required to make it up to him. In short, he uses emotional blackmail to make you pay for the discomfort he experienced due to your negligence.

Yes indeed, you can always count on 50/50 guy to keep a tally of how often you have done things to please him. This scrutiny is exhausting for any woman who just wants to date a normal person. Mostly, 50/50 guys' obsession has to do with maintaining control. He doesn't want to get "screwed over" again like he did with the last allegedly "unfair" woman.

As you may have guessed by now, physical comfort is also high on 50/50's list of needs. You are required to have the same level of enthusiasm about sexual matters as he does----and at the same time. Never mind that the woman has valid feelings about how a man should treat her so that she might have sexual feelings toward him in the first place. No, I'm afraid that "selfish" attitude of hers won't do for 50/50 guy.

"Most everyone has had to contend with control freaks. These are people who insist on having their way...they have a driving need to run the show and call the shots. Lurking within the conversation is the clear threat that if you do not accede to their needs and demands, they will be unhappy."

~Thomas J. Schumacher, Psy.D., R-CSW

You get the picture. Somewhere in his past, percentage guy came to believe he was "used" by a woman and he never wants that to happen again. So from now on, everything has to be 50/50. Otherwise, he believes she isn't playing fair. In truth, percentage man has a lot of emotional baggage. It's a heavy burden, to be sure---all that counting and weighing. But what is a wronged man to do, besides tally up the score sheet?

Actually, 50/50 guy hasn't dealt with his insecurity or rejection issues; consequently, your feelings are secondary to his. He is problematic precisely because he is very difficult, if not impossible to please. Nobody will ever meet his unrealistic demand for "fairness."

Real life couples who are successful in their relationships understand that sometimes one of them may needs the other to step-up and take care of things around the house or elsewhere. Maybe she twisted her ankle and he has to give the kids a bath, even though it's not his turn. Maybe he was deeply humiliated by a colleague in the workplace and he really needs to go into his man-cave to brood for an hour or two. In other words, real life can get a rather lopsided at times. That's okay. That's where the other person lifts up the one who is down, and/or takes care of matters the other one usually attends to.

But 50/50 guy can't abide such realities. He does not understand extenuating circumstances unless they pertain to him. There must be an equitable division of duties at all times. Furthermore, the woman should not even see anything as a duty, especially if it makes him feel happier. The only hope for percentage guy is that enough women leave him and let him know why. Maybe one day, he will have an epiphany, but it isn't likely. You have one choice to make if you run into a 50/50 man----that is the choice to keep on walking. Otherwise, you are rewarding his narcissism. That's not a good decision. Believe me.

No Drama
No Drama | Source

Statement #2: “I Don’t Like Drama.”

Last I heard, unless you’re as dead as a doorknob, you’re going to experience drama. Life is never neat and tidy. Life can be messy. Drama exists. Sometimes a little drama is a good thing. Unexpected drama can take us out of our comfort zones and even help us to grow, emotionally and spiritually.

Let's face it, absolutely everyone on the face of the earth has unique passions, perspectives, varying moods AND dramatic feelings. Even the most balanced and peaceful person in the world experiences drama. For example, rumor has it that His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, gets a little moody if his staff fails to deliver his chocolates to him before bedtime. If the world's most peaceful man exhibits drama, what hope is there for the rest of us mere mortals?

“Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you”

~Greg Brendhart, Author of "He's Just Not That Into You."

But never mind kindly monks. We're talking here about the type of man who cannot and will not deal with a flesh and blood woman who exhibits "too much" emotion. He views emotion as "bad." He wants someone who is as unquestioning and loyal as his dog—the one who died, who never gave him any grief, and who was his “best friend.” In essence, he wants a mistress who won't say "Boo," even if he chooses to exhibit drama---which he most certainly will. For whatever strange reason, this personality type is convinced that his philosophy is quite reasonable and even "evolved." No-drama guy will probably die alone, unless of course, he finds a female doormat who is willing to "play nice" and never complain.

Ladies, you never want to be that woman.

Have you ever dated any of these troublesome guys or women? (It works both ways, after all.)

See results

Relationships are complicated and that's okay. Truth is.....a little drama is downright normal. On the other hand, if you are into being a Drama-queen, nobody is going to make any excuses for you. And to be fair, some men who say they don't like drama are actually saying they don't like hysterical, high maintenance woman. I don't blame them.

But in most cases, No-Drama guy is a jerk who lacks inner peace. The moment he discovers you are a woman who is willing to stand her ground, he'll be "outta there" and he won’t look back. Walking away is easy for him. It's true. Something is broken inside of this man and it's not your job to fix him. You cannot. Your only duty is to walk away before he does. No-Drama guy will continuously hurt your feelings; he expends a lot of energy protecting himself, which means he doesn't have the energy to recognize your needs. If you are wise, you'll avoid him like the plague. Don't engage with him in any way. He's double-trouble. I'm serious.

Missouri psychologist, Dory Hollander, Ph.D., author of 101 Lies Men Tell Women---And Why Women Believe Them, states that the phrase, "I'll Call You" is her number one nomination for the lies men tell.

Statement #3: “I’ll Call You”

The "I'll call you" statement is more of a troublesome lie.....that is, if you choose to believe it. Men often say "I'll call you" after a date they have no interest in repeating. In all honesty, "Call You" guy is simply taking the easy way out---so as to avoid any drama. (There's that word again!) But the trouble with saying “I’ll call you” is that it gives a woman false hope. Consequently, she remains on the alert for a phone message, a text, an email, smoke signals...pretty much anything.

But the call never comes or it may possibly come three weeks later when he is bored and has nothing better to do on a Wednesday night at 10 pm. If a man says he will call, just know that he probably won't call. Therefore, if in doubt, you can always respond with, "Have a nice evening." If he really hadn't planned on calling you, your nonchalant response will get his attention. He now realizes that you know what he is really saying may be insincere and that waiting around for his phone call probably isn't part of your agenda. Funny as it seems, he might even gain a bit of new found respect for you once you respond in this manner.

Don't let this be you.
Don't let this be you.

On the other hand, a relatively savvy man, who really does want to know more about you, will instead say something like, "May I call you?" In any event, it is a given that he will call if he wants to call. If he doesn't want to call, he won't. Simple. So in actuality, no words need be said about calling unless you already have an established relationship, in which case, being specific about messaging one another could be useful information.

Just know that if he doesn’t call, he just wasn't all that "into you." Eventually, you'll meet someone else who is interested and who will be only to happy to call. The moral of this story is that if a man makes the “I’ll call you” pronouncement after a first date, just understand that "I'll call you" usually means "I will not call you." That way you can get on with your life rather than wasting precious minutes waiting for a call that may never come.

Summary

"50/50" guy sounds "fair," but the man who insist on equal everything is not reasonable. He is keeping track and keeping count. He’s a kill-joy who has control issues, and you will find it increasingly difficult to relax around him.

"No-drama" guy seems reasonable---at first glance. But the minute you "get out of line," he'll use a passive-aggressive technique to put you in your place.

"’ll call you” guy might call or he might not---but don't hold your breath. He's avoiding drama by not telling you he's not particularly interested in you. Worse yet, he keeps you hanging in case he gets lonely and needs a little company one night down the road.

In any event, we just need to beware that the meaning behind certain phrases is not always what they appear. In short, these sentences do not generally signify caring and respect. You will never be happy or relaxed around any man (or woman) who insists on having things go their way all of the time. Such people are not always as sincere as they seem. Don't make excuses for them.

So, in the future, if you hear any of these three sentences spoken or see them written on a dating profile, consider yourself forewarned. Such phrases, in tandem with other clues he (or she) may offer, are your cue to put considerable distance between yourself and the person who said them. After all, you deserve better, and there is no point in welcoming trouble.

Truly.....Savvy

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  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 6 months ago

    Hi Moonfroth.... I love that you said this: "Guests unknown to the hosts (friends of an invited guest, for example), would have been introduced upon arrival. This simple social nicety produced a comfort zone for women nervous about complete strangers."

    You are correct, as usual. In France, this is a common way to meet people---by being introduced in social settings by friends and friends of friends. (Although their gatherings are much smaller and more "intimate." Consequently, French women feel safer about dating because these men are already known by her social groups. As a result, dating is much more relaxed. Furthermore, Frenchmen tend to be comfortable with their masculinity and Frenchwomen are not afraid to be "all woman." Flirting is considered a good thing (unlike here in America). All the angst that Americans feel about dating is not as pronounced in France. That is not to say that some Frenchman are not jerks. They can be.

    But getting back to your premise about "house parties." I wish we had more of that in the U.S. We would be better off and I wouldn't have to write some of these male-bashing hubs. Lol.

    Always a pleasure to hear from you, my dear friend. If I meet a nice woman who seems right for you, I'll gladly send her your way!

  • profile image

    moonfroth 6 months ago

    Yves -- I'm well. I'm getting ancient on the outside (I've tried to halt that process mentally, without success) but I remain an unrepentant juvenile delinquent on the inside. The two 'sides' are at constant war. And I'm still single, so if you know of any women (60+ bracket) in the Vancouver area that might dovetail with an old poet-rebel, fire them my way . . !

    Let's talk for a moment about opportunity, a topic I don't recall seeing on this Hub-that-won't die. When I was younger, house parties were popular and frequent. They were big parties, too: 80 - 100 people was not unusual. Just about every weekend one was happening somewher. No special occasion, just an opportunity for people to get together, dance, drink, mingle, MEET. . .you know. I know of many brief liaisons,, and quite a few lasting relationships that were launched at these large parties.

    They were a much SAFER environment for couples to meet than in bars, supermarkets, and (shudder) dating sites, for one reason so obvious that many people reading this won't get it: they were invited. Duh, but it's an important point. Guests unknown to the hosts (friends of an invited guest, for example), would have been introduced upon arrival. This simple social nicety produced a comfort zone for women nervous about complete strangers. Of course, when I was young houses were affordable and it was virtually an expectation that if you were in your late-twenties or older, with a decent job, houses were available. Better stop--this is leading into a different topic .

    An encompassing cultural reality that leads to all this nervousness and caution about dating is a huge shift in public consciousness towards neurosis and fear. People are so unsure of the stability of their world and their own psycho/social health, and this ennui transfers to their attitudes towards the opposite sex and how to behave towards each other. The simple fact that this hub has received such eager response is indicative of a need for guidance about how the sexes should behave towards each other. Adults learning to walk again. . .

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 6 months ago

    Hi Efficient Admin....You are correct. 50/50 guy is the very worst. There is no pleasing him. I even wrote about him in another hub. I almost dated him, but then luckily saw what a jerk he was beforehand. He was/is a truly horrid man. Just thinking about him. Ick,Ick,Ick!!!

  • Efficient Admin profile image

    Efficient Admin 6 months ago from Charlotte, NC

    Eeek out of all three of these the 50/50 guy sounds the worst!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 7 months ago

    Hello my dear Moonfroth, The disrespect for women actually knows no socio-economic boundaries in the U.S. Some of this has to do with women disrespecting themselves, but the other part is a mixture of absent parents, too much reliance on instant gratification, graphic violence against women in video games and pornography.

    In addition, a new movement, referred to as MGTOW is gaining ground. These men live their lives without women, primarily because they believe women do not meet the their standards for cost ratio analysis. So, they mostly hate on women, but take care of themselves thru porn. Some become addicted and are unable to have a relationship with a woman. It's a sad state of affairs because this problem is affecting 20 year olds who simply cannot have a relationship with a flesh and blood woman.

    As for Trump, he is blamed for a lot of things, but he has nothing to do with the dating or non-dating situation. He was actually very strict with his girls. His children have turned out exceptionally well, i.e., solid marriages, kids, etc. except for the youngest who is just out of college.

    Anyway, things are tough for people who want to date. I touch on this a bit in another hub, Why Women Are Confused About Men and Dating. I actually have had to delete about a third of the comments from men, because some of the things they said were so vile.

    But my point is that it is not just the poor who are experiencing dating woes.

    The other problem is that women are confused about whether they should take on the man's "traditional" roles.

    Sigh. It's all rather complicated. I trust you are well. Such a joy to hear from you. It's been forever, bad boy.

  • profile image

    Moonfroth 7 months ago

    Ah, the vagaries of Hubpages! Yes, Clark and Moonfroth are one and the same.

    Glad to see your excellent Hub is still gasping along after YEARS now. . .I wonder, though, about its relevance in our increasingly fractured and gender-confused world (well the US and Canada for sure). I spend quite a lot of time at karaoke (simple relaxation) with young people in a grungy, low-end world, and as an Old Guy I get to observe the 'mating dance' swirling all around me. . .and wow! there's been an amazing weather change in the fundamentals of that dance! First of all, language. It's f*** this, f*** that--from the gals as much as the guys. Second, the guys sexually objectify the gals more often than not and talk about them and--get this--TO them, like they were pretty pieces of meat put on this planet to be consumed. The gals aren't much better. Third, the duration of the dance is short-term: if a couple decides to live together there is little expectation that it

    will last. Were I pressed to summarize all this sad scene, I would say DISRESPECT and FATALISM. The former is obvious from my comments above. The latter manifests as no faith at all in the stability of their social world or the economic forces that dictate their lives. Your new President's values ain't helping..................

    Your Hub may be relevant to the gentler world of middle- to high-end suburbia, but when you move down the economic scale, a different coarser ethic is creeping in at an alarming rate..

    monied people living

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 7 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Yves,,,I can be sure you remember the old expression, "It takes one to know one.." Well it rings true for the praises you grace me with~right back to you, my friend.. Keep Smilin! Paula

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 7 months ago

    Paula...Have I told you how much I appreciate you? If not, the acknowledgement is way overdue.

    Thank you for being who you are---someone who cares and who shows it through her actions. You're a special woman!

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 7 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    How on earth this hub got past me, I do not know. It would seem automatic for me to want to comment on this great hub. Excellent insight, girlfriend~~ based upon all the wisdom yielded from the continual experiences of women (to include yourself I'm sure)

    Ah, Yes, isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?

    It's so generous and thoughtful of you Yves, to pass this gift of awareness on to our younger sisters out there, searching for Mr. Right. I couldn't agree with you more of course and the sad part is..........there just aren't enough women who have yet learned to listen to the wise voice of experience. In fact, many years ago, I may not have listened either.

    Women will always believe "things will be different for me." It's a great positive attitude to nurture, but sadly, it's rarely accurate! Yet, generation after generation...time after time, relationship after relationship, it looks to me like "most" women prefer to pass on this FREE advice and learn things for themselves~~~shall I say it? Do I need to? OK! "The Hard Way!!".......Have a fun-filled week-end, Yves. Paula

    (Ladies!! Heed the information here. It's 100% tried & true!)

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 7 months ago

    Hahaha! Love it. Now that's the way to approach a lady. Thank you for the compliment, dearest Clark aka Moonfroth....perhaps? Do tell.

  • profile image

    clark 7 months ago

    I have absolutely nothing to contribute, except to say I adore your new photo. In addition, I must say you are one foxy looking lady. How about a 50-50 lunch (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)? I'll call you, just don't get all dramatic on me. . . .

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 7 months ago

    Lol. Did I not say it is not about tallying, but about respect? I may have to read the hub again because I thought that is what I said. Probably, you're trying to trick me. ;)

    Thank you for stopping by, Inside The Man Cave. It's awesome that you've been married so long. Congratulations!

  • mts1098 profile image

    mts1098 7 months ago from InsideTheManCave

    Like Jack...I have been married almost 30 years and disagree with you 50/50 rule. It is not about tallying at all - it is about mutual communication, respect, trust and of course sex :) Cheers!

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 8 months ago

    Nice turn of phrase, "I didn't catch any of them." Love it! The 'No Drama' phrase is pretty much a dumb thing to say, however, in the interest of fairness, I have had some men tell me that what they mean is that they don't like "drama queens." So I guess we could always ask what they mean by the phrase. Nevertheless, I maintain that the phrase generally equals trouble. Thanks for stopping by, bodylevive. I appreciate it.

  • bodylevive profile image

    BODYLEVIVE 8 months ago from Alabama, USA

    Well, for one thing--life wasn't meant to be neat and tidy. If it is, then you haven't lived long enough. I seem to recall some of those lines that men throw but luckily for me, I didn't catch any of them., lol. Be blessed

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 9 months ago

    Hi Jack....I get a fair amount of push-back from men who disagree with my "I don't like drama" assertion, and I do agree that the drama queen assertion that men make is correct. Consequently, I may need to add to the hub article. That being said, in my experience, when men say, "No drama," this generally indicates something about his past as well as his present attitude about women which sends up a pink flag, if not a red flag. In short, I have found such men to be somewhat cynical and/or impatient. My point is: WHO goes on a date or an online dating site, and pre-maturely makes this announcement? It's silly to do that, if for no other reason than it makes the guy seem like someone who has no social skills. For example, if a woman went on a date and announced, "I don't like the silent treatment," I'm pretty sure the guy would wonder what her problem is...or he would just disappear....too much drama, after all. ;)

    Thank you for stopping by, Jack. I truly appreciate hearing a good man's perspective.

  • Jack Burton profile image

    Jack Burton 9 months ago from The Midwest

    Perhaps I am not the one to be giving dating advice since we've been married for 43 years now, but I am pretty sure when a guy says, "I don't like drama" what he is really saying is, "I don't like drama queens."

    There are people in the world who live for their chance to star in a situation where they are the put-upon person that everyone must feel sorry for. Run, flee, and stay away from these people. Your life will never, ever be happy with them.

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 13 months ago

    Just so you know, Mike, you are still my Knight. Yes, I am definitely enjoying this long weekend. I'm even taking an extra day off on Tuesday. Yipee!

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 13 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    Hello savvy - I am glad a comment brought me back to this article. Happy Labor Day weekend. I hope the day off brings you many smiles.

  • savvydating profile image
    Author

    Yves 13 months ago

    Will my iPhone let me reply? Let's try. First of all, I thank you a million times for choosing to ignore women's talk shows. Why they say the opposite of what is actually true about romantic relationships is beyond me.

    Secondly, you're a "former player" so all is forgiven as long as you're not being such a "bad boy" anymore.;))

    Love your visits, by the way. I'll reply to your comment on the fascinating woman hub soon. But for now, let's just say that "mild flirting" is high on my list of healthy things to do.

  • Laurinzo Scott profile image

    Live To Write 13 months ago from Phoenix, Az.

    Now savvy ... how dare you expose so many men... I have said at least 4 of these things ; maybe more... but I honestly meant well

    anyway... I will start to think outside the box, and no more watching women's talk shows that claim to give good advice on women and their needs... That being said great hub... and yet again you grasped the relationship thing wonderfully and made me both cringe(and laugh) mostly at myself... You Are awesome

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 16 months ago

    Lol. I love it. mckbirdbks, you always make me smile. ;)

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 16 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    The mck definition of drama, "Honey, did you see where I put the corkscrew?"

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 16 months ago

    Dashing, My experience has been that men who use those sentences are not flexible. No one has the luxury of coming home to a drama free life if they are living together. Also, compatibility and compromise go hand in hand. It is not one or the other.

  • dashingscorpio profile image

    dashingscorpio 16 months ago

    I suppose it really comes down to the individual guy and his meaning behind the words. Only time will reveal what he really means.

    For example a lot of people make relationship statements based upon their bad past experiences from previous relationships.

    If a man or (woman) says I believe relationships should be 50-50 it's possible that he/she has felt taken advantage of in past relationships. Essentially what they are telling the new person is they don't want to go through that again. If they see feelings & effort aren't mutual they'll leave.

    "I don't like drama" usually means one is not into having a lot of arguments/fights, dealing with jealousy, insecurities, and so on.

    "Relationships are complicated and there is nothing wrong with that. Truth is.....a little drama is downright normal. {I can't think of anything more boring than having everyone agree on everything}."

    The above statement you wrote is actually a very common one I hear people make. However if someone grew up in a house full of drama and has experienced being in relationships full of drama it may be they've made a personal decision to pursue relationships( filled with harmony).

    Each of us has to know what (we) want and what works best for (us).

    Maybe for them being in a relationship where they naturally agree isn't boring. They might feel they have enough drama on the other side of their front door with work and other issues. When they come home they want to relax and enjoy life as much as possible. Given a choice between being with someone they are "compatible with" or someone who they frequently have to "compromise with" they prefer compatibility.

    I really don't think in most relationship (wants) that there is that much "right" or "wrong". It really comes down to "agree" and "disagree". If two people don't want the same things or share the same values in life they're likely to have major blowups.

    With each failed relationship I believe a person adds to their list of things they don't want in their next relationship. That's human nature. Someone may not be "right" for (you) but they're right for another person. That's what makes dating and relationships fascinating. Everyone is entitled to have their own list of traits/desires.

    "I'll call you" at the end of date usually means the person didn't have a great time. More often than not other person also knows the date didn't go well. Unless you are in an "exclusive relationship" with someone who has proven over time they are honest and genuinely interested in you it's probably best to not allow yourself to become "emotionally invested". Truthfully until there has been a discussion about exclusivity one should be keeping their options open by dating multiple prospects. Sitting at home waiting for a call is the equivalent of a job hunter sending out a resume to (one) company, having an interview, and waiting for a job offer. Until there is one made you should continue to send out resumes to other companies...etc

    One man's opinion!:)

  • savvydating profile image
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    Yves 23 months ago

    I am delighted that you dropped by, Old Poolman. Given that you've been married for 51 years, I should probably be taking advice from you! But to your point, dating definitely has its' challenges. :)

  • profile image

    Old Poolman 23 months ago

    savvydating - Not sure why, but this is the first one of your hubs I have ever read, and I am impressed. That is most likely because I have been married for 51 years and the thought of having to date again scares the hell out of me.

    Great writing and advice.

  • savvydating profile image
    Author

    Yves 2 years ago

    Thank you mckbirdbks. Your poem is breathtaking. I love it. You are always there for me when things get a little tense around here. You're my veritable knight in shining armor. A true gentleman. I appreciate you very much.

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    Earl - EWC

    I found a spot near Yellow Rose Texas

    Just enough land for some cattle to roam

    I found a spot near Yellow Rose Texas

    Gonna build me a place and call it my home

    A patch of pecan trees shade the banks of the river

    A nice little river where sweet water flows

    On summer afternoons, we’ll swim in that river

    Then spread a blanket, in the shade we can doze

    We’ll make beautiful music, where the sweet water flows

    By the bank of our river in the pecan trees’ shade

    I’ll play my guitar and you’ll lay and write prose

    This Texas our home, the spot Yellow Rose

  • peachpurple profile image

    peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

    guys always say those 3 words, kept the woman waiting

  • mckbirdbks profile image

    mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    Hello savvydating! Hope all is well.

  • profile image

    DarthW 2 years ago

    Oh brother. Much ado about nothing methinks in this article.

    1- If I tell a woman I'm looking for "50/50" in a relationship it means I'm looking for a partner, willing to also commit the time, finances, etc. to the relationship that I want. "50/50" means the "equality" that feminists clang on and on about. Women want we men to say "80/20" which means her putting in the "20" and me putting in the "80". Most modern women want a man to give up his home, his earnings, his 401K, his time, his space, and his friends. He also needs to be willing to do most of the housework, work full-time while she quits her job or goes part-time, etc. just to show he's willing to commit to her, while she brings little to nothing. Modern women don't want to hear "50/50" because they are the ones who want to give little. Spare me.

    2- "I don't like drama" is a reasonable request. When most men say this they understand that life can have some drama - difficult family member, death, accidents - but this statement is aimed at the relationships and women who bring piles of it, and think we guys should just "accept her". Modern women bring messes of drama with kiddos from previous relationships, exes with whom she continually fails to set boundaries (because she still want that bad boy in her life when the truth is known), financial messes etc. No sensible guy wants to put up with it, and I've seen it enough to say - and mean - this at the get go. Women are empowered now, which means they need to deal with their drama, or expect men not to come around for long.

    3 - I've heard the female version of "I'll call you" to, and they only call when the irresponsible bad boy has thrown them to the curb - AGAIN - where they want me to buy them dinner and drinks, give them a few laughs, until the bad boy calls them back for a wild ride on the carousel once again.

    ...And modern women wonder why men don't want to commit anymore.

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    Yves 2 years ago

    I don't mind at all, moonfroth. Please do feel free to forward my comment. Ah yes, the Visa thing. It's very important and they're not as easy to obtain as one might think. You are nice to help your friend, but I think you are wise not to invest too much time in this situation---especially since your friend/acquaintance is a vacillator!

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    Clark Cook 2 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Good words from you. He tells me she's gone back to her home country, and I'll see he gets the practical and oh-so-important-info about Visas etc. But I'm not putting a lot of time in on this--I think he's really vacillating. Do you mind if i forward your comment to him? he's not on HP.

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    Yves 2 years ago

    Sounds like lover boy has got cold feet. Fantasy meets reality…. Well, I would say that your friend should give this relationship a chance. The biggest hurdle, aside from differing cultures and irritating habits, is that this lady probably does not have a work Visa, which frankly she needs to get---somehow or rather in order to work in the States. These two kids need to date, which means that despite her having come all the way to the States from who knows where, she is going to have to figure out how to stand on her own two feet. My guess is that she is ready for the white picket fence, but since he’s not---she’s in a world of trouble. I guess he could always ship her back, but that seems rather unfair, since just yesterday, he was madly in love. This is what happens when guys think with their penis'. This woman basically thought she had a deal, or at least a strong understanding. But she doesn't, as it turns out. If your friend marries her now, he’ll probably regret it. I don’t see a win here, unless she can get a work Visa and they can spend time dating and living apart---for now. If she can do this, they might have a fighting chance. Thanks for asking, moonfroth!

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    Clark Cook 2 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Savvy --

    This Hub just won't turn its face to the wall, will it? Here's an interesting perspective: a male friend of mine is totally into the 'net and has been 'chatting' with this woman from another CONTINENT, f'heavens sake, for many years. They had developed a relationship as intimate as words on a screen can possibly be--and with no research whatever to back my opinion, I'll bet this kind of 'relationship' is quite common in this cyber age, Anyway, she finally came to the States, they met, had dinner, went to bed (he says that was good, for both of them), but being with her in the flesh has proved an adjustment for him that he just can't get together. He says that after spending 'real' time together, she is now getting serious. He doesn't think--but he's obviously unsure--he can reciprocate. I told him I knew just the person to ask how he should proceed! What say you, O Wisest of Women on such Matters??

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    ezzly 2 years ago

    Very true!

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    Yves 2 years ago

    For sure, ezzly. No Drama guy is into easy and convenient. He will never have a satisfying relationship because he doesn't want to have to work at anything. It's his loss. Thanks for dropping by and sharing.

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    ezzly 2 years ago

    Awesome article voted up. I had a guy use the “I Don’t Like Drama.” He was all about him wasn't a nice guy at all , didn't want the trouble of a girlfriend as he never actually called me his girlfriend and he was 30 .

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    Yves 2 years ago

    Hi PegCole,

    Yes, there are some men who are sadly lacking in the character they so much espouse. And so, I decided to share my findings for the benefit of other women. That being said, there are good men out there, but somewhere along the way the truly good man learned that he is required to develop a strong moral code, and to back up his words with positive action, that is, if the wants to become a real man.

    Oh boy, I got kinda deep there. :)

    Thanks you for visiting, PegCole. Indeed, men do sometimes "give themselves away" by their words alone.

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    Peg Cole 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

    Interesting assessment of these three phrases. Sometimes men do give away their inner intentions with just a few words.

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi Nell Rose. The good news is: Men like that have no idea how easily they give themselves away. The bad news is that too many women don't recognize these statements for what they really are. Spoiling football night, indeed. Haha! That statement was beyond foolish, especially when said to a savvy woman like you!

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    Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

    Yes I agree with you and there are so many more warning signs too, I remember one guy saying 'my friends don't want me to have a girlfriend because it spoils football night,haha! I was off like a whippet on the blocks! lol!

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    Yves 3 years ago

    FlourishAnyway, I'm so glad you get my point! In the end, if couples stay the course, it doesn't matter whether we're "Even Steven." It only matters that we're doing what we can to work with the situation at hand. Thank you for your insightful comment. I absolutely loved it!

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    FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

    I especially agree with the whole 50/50 thing. Real relationships are unfortunately sometimes 70/30 and even 90/10, and the balance can change and even flip-flop over time depending on what's going on in the couple's lives -- health problems, a death in the family, work stresses, a promotion at work. It's unrealistic to expect 50/50 all the time. Stay savvy!

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi Frank...I hear you...about the male bashing thing. That's why, in most of my hubs, I tell women they've got to step it up, too. But in the case of these three sentences, the women (or men) are not doing anything wrong, so it's important to me to try leveling the playing field to help people from getting hurt.

    I appreciate the visit. Your "savvy" compliments are like beautiful musical notes. :)

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    Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

    Im glad you said it works both ways.. I already had my male bashing letter to the editor set...LOL nonetheless very savvy hub.. savvy advice..

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi moonfroth, I've re-written this response...the last one was too "heavy," But to answer your question... I would give him a half-smile and say, "Perhaps."

    Inwardly, I would wonder how he could not have been aware of my (obvious) charm and intelligence from the get-go. ;) Who knows, I might even give him credit for honesty, even if he could definitely use some coaching in the art of subtelty.

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Breakfastpop, you are one of my favorites and by now, you may know that. An "Up & Awesome" from you is like honey to my soul. Thank you for all that you do. I do so appreciate you.

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    Yves 3 years ago

    I adore you, mckbirdbks. There, I said it! You have always been there to help me and defend me... and I appreciate it more than you may know, my sweet friend.

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    Clark Cook 3 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Savvy, what would you think of a guy who concluded a date with this --"Well, that was surprising. I started out in lust for you, and your body still totally turns me on and--fair warning--I really want to get you into bed. I thought that's all I wanted, but I really ENJOYED being with you tonight. You've got a stimulating mind and I laughed my ass off at your jokes about your family. So what do you think? Do you want to see more of me? i'd like that a lot."

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    mckbirdbks 3 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

    Hello Savvy. It has been a good number of years since I had a date, so I cannot weigh in with any authority. This advice appears to be sound. I do recall the days of asking a women if I could call her and mentally bracing myself for the answer. Glad to see a Hub with your byline on it.

    I sent this over to Tweetland.

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    breakfastpop 3 years ago

    All I have to say is this....RUN!!!! Up and awesome!

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hello my dear moonfroth,

    You know how I love reading your comments. It's wonderful that you always take the time to read the entire hub article so that you can offer relevant and thoughtful feedback. But of course, you wouldn't have it any other way. Anyway, by now you know how much I appreciate your scrutiny. I'll look into the typos poste haste!

    As you may have guessed, I'm standing by my words because I've experienced all three personality types and the accompanying sentences. Mostly, I don't even engage with these men, but for the purposes of investigation I've given 3-sentence guys a chance. They did not fail to disappoint, literally...which is why I decided to write about them.

    As for "I'll call you" guy, I did leave myself some wiggle room there. But according to "experts" (and I will find the data) "I'll call you" is the #2 lie that men speak to women. This sentence is usually pronounced after a first date. If you've known the guy awhile, then that particular sentence is fine, but otherwise, he might say something like, "I'd like to call you or, "May I call you."

    I've also experienced 50/50 guy. Everything has to be split down the middle with him, unless he feels confident that sex is forthcoming. I didn't even make it to the first date with this guy. He dumped me because "I didn't call him back." The truth is, I gave him a piece of my mind, so he realized the sex thing was probably out. He was right about that. I will say, however, that 50/50 guy said a number of other things which helped me to deduce why he was so adamant about 50%, all of which had to do with his serious baggage. So in effect, he let the cat out of the bag in a number of ways.

    However, I may have to do some editing by adding that one should look at these phrases in tandem with other suspicious phrases. That being said, sometimes I choose to speak broadly because some women miss what is very obvious to me. I understand that it is important to give some men the benefit of the doubt, but a woman can do that only if she "gets some savvy" so that she can avoid too much emotional (personal) harm--in the event the guy turns out to be a jerk.

    Thanks for dropping by, my friend. Always a pleasure to see you.

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    Clark Cook 3 years ago from Rural BC (Canada) & N of Puerto Vallarta (Mexico)

    Ah c'mon Savvy! I totally agree that the behviours manifested by these three kinds of guys are much to be avoided by women--but aren't you putting a lot of weight on three highly specific sentences? I've said "I'll call you" to indicate a HIGH level of interest, And if I said that, I would indeed call. And soon. As for the 50/50 guy--okay, that's a dumb-ass phrase and may betray all the egotistic absorption you suggest, but it could just as well indicate a fumbling attempt to declare he did not see males in a dominant role, that he respected women as partners. I'm extremely sensitive to language and instinctively choose words that truly reflect what I mean, but I find that most men are quite INsensitive about language. They use words like randomly swung clubs, hoping they might hit a target by accident. Should they be hung out to dry because they unknowingly use a no-no phrase that does not really denote the specific warning clang you've assigned it? The "I don't like drama" guy? I agree. And thank god he's stupid enuff to SAY it. Run girl, run! Run fast and far! Women are 1000% more emotionally honest than men. They cry over sappy movies, scream and carry on at little league games, speak passionately--often loudly--about causes and issues that move them. Thank god. A man who gets upset about that kind of outgoing warm expression of feeling is not a guy they want seriously in their lives. Hell! I don't want him seriously in MY life.

    Good Hub kid. Well-written and generally on the money. Two or three typos, but, manipulative ex-English prof that I am, I won't tel you where they are. You can find them by reading the piece BACKWARDS. Then you're reading each word in isolation, rather than being seduced to sleep by the magnificence of your own prose......

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    Yves 3 years ago

    Hi DDE.Yes, I've met dated longer than most women... I liked my independence. The other thing is that I have good intuition, which usually steers me away from "undesirable" men. But as you know, my goal is to help women (and men) who are sometimes a little too trusting for their own good.

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    Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

    Interesting I have been lucky in some ways. I did not date much so meeting these types of men did not come my way. You certainly know more than I do here. Great writing and worth reading.