- Gender and Relationships
Through With Being The "Nice" Girl
Once and for all, I am through being the "nice" girl because this is getting me nowhere in life. Over the years I have often swept my feelings and opinions under the carpet because I did not want to offend others, and I hate confrontation. I just prefer to get away from the crowd and get back to work. However, no matter how "nice" or accommodating I try to be, there is always one or two women who try to drag me down. I am not part of the popular crowd that have "captivating" stories to tell about husbands, dates, or kids.
Honestly, hearing the daily minutiae about such matters is becoming a bit boring around the office. I genuinely admire people who are happily married with kids, but we all know some people only talk about their husband and kids and never have much positive to say. They complain about their kids not listening, not cleaning their room, and their husbands being lumps on the couch. These people are not very delightful to listen to because all they ever do is complain rather than hold said kids and husband accountable. No one at work really wants to know that much about your personal life, and I feel sorry for your husband and kids if you rarely have anything good to say about them. I have a feeling they probably dread your presence as much as I do, but at least I do not have to live with you!
People rarely stop by my desk to chat with me because I really have
nothing "fun" or "interesting" to say. Some of them are a bit
judgmental and old fashioned, and probably think I am a lesbian since I
am in my thirties and single. Hey, I think being a lesbian is a great
thing, if that is who you are, but why oh why must people try to place
you into some sort of sexual relationship when you do not even have one
at all. Do not get me wrong, I have been with men and enjoy their
company from time to time, but I am just not dating. Got tired of all
the drama on the dating scene, and I am not looking to change myself
just so I can have someone take me out one night a week. Awhile back I
wrote a somewhat pathetic piece about how I am undateable,
but today I really could care less. I have evolved and moved on, and I
am having fun just living my life. I even had a really hot rendevous
with a cute dark and handsome man I met on a tropical vacation I took to
Jamaica a few months ago, but I would never tell my co-workers about
that! I wold immediately become the center of gossip if they even knew I
went to Jamaica. That is how boring the lives of my co-workers are.
They are so ditsy and know nothing about what is going on in the world
around them, like in Bahrain, Libya, or Egypt, but they are up on all
the current gossip about celebrities, and who is dating who in the
I know, I digress, so back to what I was saying about my co-workers supposition that I might be a lesbian. Never heard any of them speculating about whether I was or not, but they did with another woman a few years ago. There was no evidence this woman was a lesbian, but they were all speculating about it because her used to pick her up from work several nights a week. Guess they never heard of carpooling! So one evening before work was ending I was finishing up some of my tasks since I am a workaholic, but most of my co-workers were already forlicking in between the cubicles since it was 4:45 p.m. I have changed the names and details of course, but if it were a script, it would go something like this.
Gigi: Did you see the woman that came to pick up Claire yesterday?
Denise: Oh yes, Claire's "friend". I am pretty sure they are together because I mean, seriously, I never see her with a man. She even brought her "friend" with her to the company picnic last year.
Gigi: There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but how do they, well you know...
Denise: I do not know, but hey, all the guys in the office love her for a reason.
Denise and Gigi were giggling about this when Claire walked in. She gave them a look of disdain, and they tried to play off the whole event. This was two years ago and Claire got a job at another office, and the last I heard she is now married. The other day Gigi and Denise were at their speculation again:
Gigi: I heard Claire got married. I wonder what happened to her "friend," maybe they were just friends after all.
Denise: I think they just pretend to be so close to turn guys on. Apparently it works since Claire's new husband is cuter than mine.
Gigi: Well at least your husband does the dishes for you two nights a week. I wish I could get mine to actually figure out what a sponge is.
Once Denise and Gigi have rampaged through the juicy gossip, they move on to the banal drudgery of detailing how their husbands, kids and dogs are all ungrateful creatures. It is almost as if Gigi and Denise are having a contest to see who has the most onorous life or something. I am sick of hearing all the chit chat about: what I am making for dinner, my husband not taking out the garbage, and my son getting a C- on his astronomy project. Why not help your son with his astronomy project by doing research doing your lunch break rather than Googling celebrity gossip about Charlie Sheen or George Clooney?
Gigi and Denise can slide by on not doing all of their work because they chat up the supervisors with their "dazzling" personalities, but I am not turned on by these "mean girls". All they ever do is speculate and gossip about others, even other co-workers behind their back. Our one co-worker Heather shared about how she thought her husband might be cheating on her, and Denise and Gigi were all over that one. A month later Heather's husband made a flourish of sending flowers and candy to her to make up for his transgressions, and Denise and Gigi were over at her desk sucking up to Heather:
Gigi: Heather, your husband cannot be so bad. See he sends you flowers and candy, my husband never does that.
Denise: Well at least Gigi's husband sent her roses on her birthday. My husband bought me a plant at the Dollar General, what a cheap skate!
Heather: Oh thanks guys, but I have seen both of your fellas, they seem pretty nice to me.
I am not close to Heather or anything, but at least she is a genuine person who tries to get along with everyone. I am the social pariah because I make no attempts to be social or forlick between the cubicles. I eat at my desk at lunch and go for walks in the park while everyone else socializes in the cafeteria, or sits around looking at celebrity gossip sites on the recreation computer in the break room. The first day I did eat with them, but I could see their looks of disdain once they found out I did not have a husband, boyfriend, kids, or even a dog. I am sure if I had attempted to chat with them it would only give them more fodder to gossip about.
So recently when I heard Denise make a few snide remarks about how I do not care about my appearance like everyone else, I just had to laugh. I look just fine, even if I do not preen in front of the mirror as they do. I have heard other bits of gossip about me, and I could never get away with not doing certain projects like they do. Oh well, I do not have a "dazzling" personality and I actually have to do my work. That is fine as I would not want to be a social butterfly with a mean streak, but I am also through being "nice" to women who gossip about minutiae on a daily basis. Just doing my work and minding my own business. Hope the rest of them have fun with their banal and trite gossip. Hate to hear them talk about everyone behind their back and then suck up to these people if they are in earshot, but such is life