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Tips For Ease In Choosing Your Wedding Officiant

Updated on November 14, 2015

What will be the most important part of your wedding day? We think the ceremony is because of the special moments when you share vows with each other and, too, the ceremony makes it official and begins the celebration.


Questions:

  • Have you two discussed what type of wedding ceremony you would like?
  • Would you like one with religious elements that match your backgrounds?
  • Or one with no religious elements and maybe no prayer?
  • Or maybe a non-denominational ceremony?
  • Or an interfaith ceremony?
  • Or a hybrid or something else?

If you haven’t discussed this, take time out soon to do this. You might want to Google a few things to learn more. And during the process to keep a list of key thoughts and ideas and questions for when you have your first contact/meetings with officiant candidates.


Which candidate will be just ‘right’ for you?

While this is a question which only you two can answer for yourselves (no one knows better than you two what is right for you two), we do have some things to share that may inspire you to think more about all this and also may inspire you to think of brand new things:

1.Finding the right wedding minister officiant for your wedding is similar but different than finding other wedding vendors. In looking for the person who will deliver flowers to your wedding, it does not especially matter if you like their personality or not as long as they do their job to deliver the most beautiful, freshest flowers available. This is also true for most all vendor services EXCEPT the wedding minister officiant.

Unlike With Most Vendors, We Think You Want To Like Your Officiant’s Personality, Demeanor and Expression.


2.For a wedding officiant's job, personality, demeanor and expression are essentials. We think you prefer a warm personality that is comfortable being social with guests and family and that you prefer your officiant on wedding day to be articulate with feeling when delivering the ceremony. Right? Another way of saying this is that while you want the your ideas and your words in the ceremony script, it is even more essential HOW your wedding officiant speaks them on wedding day.Which means that personality and expression are key aspects of the officiant’s job which makes evaluating officiant candidates uniquely different than evaluating most other vendors. Do you agree with all this?

And may we remind you with these:

3. The ceremony portion of wedding day, wedding initiates the basic atmosphere for the rest of wedding day (a fantastic ceremony excites everyone) and because you will remember 5 years after wedding day just how much the ceremony set the tone for your beautiful married life and the rest of your life together. I'm talking about the amazing if not magical power of a ceremony to shape the very direction of things. It’s like setting an intention, a vision, a mission statement..

4. There are many ways such as wedding officiants’ sites, of course. And you will probably hear suggestions from family, friends and co-workers and even strangers like the cash register person at a supermarket or the person who styles your hair or someone you just happen to bump into somewhere. However, this does not mean that what was right for them is right for you both. But what was right for them could be right for you both too.

Suggestion:Always take the time to breathe a few breaths and check in with yourself (and with each other) to see what resonates for you or not


The First Contact. Having Conversation with Officiant Candidates: Over the phone? A chat? Email? In-Person?

5.There are video samples on the internet and you could also Skype or chat, but we think, still, it is not the same as in-person, face-to-face. Being able to actually see and hear each other is more complete and has more information than meeting in other forms. Being in the presence of a real live person is important if it’s possible (and it may not be if you are in a different city than the candidate or if one of you is working out of state or in the military, etc.). Either way, we remind you to add to your notes so you don’t forget anything important for the first contact/meeting, whatever form it is in.


At the Meeting: Connection, Connection, Connection.

6. At the meeting, before getting into questions and content, it’s important to establish a mutual connection with the officiant and let him/her do the same with you two because to the extent you have a really good connection you will have a really good meeting (doesn’t mean you will hire him/her, just means the human beings you each are will have had a good time together). Be open and try to feel “sense” the person. Seek to understand them. Practice good listening skills.

You may get an inkling they are the ‘right’ one because you like his or her voice or because it just feels right. While this is great, still they are just two signs (signals) and it may be too soon to just go by these signs alone. There is a lot more to say on this subject, but I’ll stop here. I just wanted to share some thoughts to get you started thinking about all this. I hope something in what you read, above, was helpful. Right now as I write this I am sending a “good everything wish” out to whoever will read this (you two), right now. I believe that when sincere wishes sent into the future will actually be delivered at the perfect time. We at Wedding Ministers Civil Officiants care about all this going well for you. Let us know if you have any comments or questions as we’d be happy to respond. Take care.

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