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Tips On Keeping Passion Alive

Updated on February 26, 2010

Passion is something we all want in marriage, but just what is it anyway? Passion is an integration of emotional and physical intimacy, it's about being able to have sex and coffee with the same person. So how can married couples achieve this? It's best to start with coffee, not sex.

Stay in Touch: Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. Happy, passionate partners stay in touch with each other throughout the day. So when your partner has a doctor's appointment or an important meeting, call or email to see how it went. Happy couples have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out.

Have Shared Interests: Marriages are more joyful and intimate when partners share a love of something. Clock collecting, bird-watching, salsa dancing, any shared interest can keep you and your partner from leading "parallel lives." Strong couples also discuss with each other their beliefs and goals and respect each other's dreams even when they don't share them.

Spirituality, too, can strengthen the emotional connection. Studies suggest that people who pray together have better sexual relations. Simple family rituals, pancakes on Sunday mornings, the telling of family stories or that special holiday recipe, keep partners close. Couples need to plan for romance and sex and spend time talking about it. Despite the enduring myth that early courtship is spontaneous, those early romantic dates were planned, down to what to wear, what perfume or cologne to use, where to go, the music and wine after dinner and so on.

Stay Positive: Even happy couples will argue and say hurtful things to each other, but couples with strong marriages work to maintain a positive, optimistic attitude about their relationship. In successful marriages, when an argument gets too negative, one partner will make a "repair attempt" that prevents the negativity from escalating out of control. It can be something as playful as the wife sticking out her tongue or the husband suddenly saying, "I'm sorry." Couples therapists suggest that partners have pre-arranged loving code words that signal the need for a timeout.

Talk to Be Heard: Unresolved conflict is the greatest passion deflator. Love and passion plummet when couples don't learn how to resolve their issues. To resolve inevitable conflicts in a marriage, couples need good communication skills. Improving communication takes commitment and hard work. You can learn new techniques on your own with workbooks, or with the help of a marriage counselor. Communication skills such as active listening, empathy and the ability to communicate complaints without harsh criticism are essential. If you want your partner to listen to what's bugging you and stick around to resolve the issue, you must present your gripes in a manner that makes him/her want to hear you and not run for the hills. When you've achieved the deep safety and empathy that comes with good communication, you and your partner will be free to move into more honest, open sexual talk.

Build Your Sexual Relationship on Trust: Improving sexual relations is not about a new nightgown or new technique. A good sexual relationship is built on a foundation of understanding, trust and empathy that allows people to take risks they wouldn't take otherwise. Couples who trust one another are free to be imaginative, playful risk-takers. And this is what sexual passion is all about.

More Passion Tips:

  • Stay in shape.
  • Use touch to show appreciation and recognition.
  • Turn off the TV.
  • Recognize that sex drives differ.
  • Engage in random acts of kindness.
  • Believe with all your heart that passion doesn't die.


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    • Hal Licino profile image

      Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto

      Communication is truly the heart of a relationship. Thanks!

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

      So true. One of the things about my wife and I is that we rarely, if ever, argue. We try and keep the communication lines wide open...even on the topic of sex. Hey, I want to know what turns her on or doesn't, and if she tells me she doesn't like something I don't become offended. I take note and go her direction. :)

      Nice hub.