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Tips and Advice on Relationship Commitment

Updated on November 28, 2012

While commitment is generally considered a pledge of trust and support for your partner, it shouldn't come at the cost of your personal happiness. Commitment is inextricably linked with love, because of this, it is imperative to communicate openly and honestly both within the halls of your own mind, and with your partner regarding what commitment entails to you.

Not all forms of commitment are equal, just as no-one person is the same. Instead of approaching this pledge of support with an eye on personal sacrifice, it is important to weigh the benefits of retaining values that are unconditionally important to your own well-being with those of your partner.

This article is my personal opinion regarding commitment tips and advice that will help form and maintain a realistic and beneficial sense of mutual respect that should endure through thick and thin.


Personal Boundaries

Erecting strong personal boundaries in relationships is the key to preserving your own happiness and staving off emotional imbalance in the long-run.

The bottom-line is this:

  • Consider what is truly important to you, and what you can't do without.
  • Consider what is truly important to them, and decide whether it is something you are willing to run with in the long-run, without expecting them to change.
  • Throw the two together and see what comes out. The earlier you are able to catch potential value mis-matches the sooner they can be ironed out.

Obviously, I am not referring to every perceived imperfection, you should really be able to count the number of behavioral or cognitive traits that you find inadmissible on one hand. In my humble opinion, finding love is not a quest to find a perfect match, it is loving someone imperfect perfectly. Being realistic with regards to accepting our partner's small, occasional annoyances is important. Attempting to change every aspect of their nature to suit our own expectations will result in our partner becoming progressively drained of their individuality and personal drive.

They key to comfortable, enduring commitment is communication.
They key to comfortable, enduring commitment is communication. | Source

Throwing A Lasso Around Insecurity

If you feel imprisoned by an overly possessive partner, or wish you could limit your own jealousy or tendency to control, it's time to eradicate the remnants of insecurity that act as a personal anchor. If left unchecked, it is all to easy to create expectations of commitment that can be unfair. This is obviously also the case when it comes to your partner's expectations of you.

Here is a list of subtle ways fear can dismantle commitment:

  • Many of us subconsciously fear what we need. Leading to a feeling of dread when we feel the chains of structure and responsibility begin to form in a relationship.
  • Fear of the past can influence our future. If your old relationship ended badly, it is imperative not to project our fears onto our partner. In this case, this risk is using our partner as a band-aid for our insecurity -- draining them and creating long-term commitment hazards. You should have no fear in demanding a measure of trust should the roles by reversed.

The main gist of my argument is that commitment is not a cage, and that your life, and that of you partner, remain your own. Control, too much jealousy and possessiveness can imprison and smash ideals such as trust and respect -- essentially voiding any semblance of commitment.

Keep The Fire Burning

The most pleasant and natural way to keep commitment strong is by constantly fanning the fire of romance. No irresponsibility will last, if there is no real desire to maintain the relationship to begin with. Neglecting the fun, and focusing solely on the structure -- despite your best efforts -- is ultimately doomed to fail.

The best ways to achieve this is by doing small things, and by keeping them fresh. Poems, surprises, affection and spontaneous gestures of attention and support. When it comes to attraction itself, I am certainly not someone that is qualified to comment. Nevertheless, I will hedge that the foundational pillars of novelty, positivity and trust are the best ways to ensure long term romantic success!


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