- Gender and Relationships
Tips for First date Success
Tips for First date Success
As a serial first dater in my twenties, I attended in body if not in mind, over seventy first dates. This was all purely in the name of research for a sitcom and book (honest), however, it gave me a fabulous insight into how to make the best impression and make sure you leave your date wanting more.
I’d like to share a little of my wisdom with you, as until I realised my soul mate was under my nose in the form of my best friend of twenty years, I had absolutely no desire to arrange a second date with anyone, and there were a lot of reasons why!
You obviously want to make a good impression, but if you try to be someone you’re not your date won’t have the time to try and see through the façade, instead they’ll write you off as being fake and a phony. Quite a few of my dates thought that pretending to be a writer in their spare time would actually make me more interested, when in reality it was a huge turn off. There’s only room for one writer in my life! If your date doesn’t like you just the way you are then you’re better off moving on anyway!
Try Not to Show Off
One date of mine emptied four mobile phones out of his pockets and then took twenty minutes to tell me why it was important that he had all of them available during the date. Despite his importance not one phone made a noise over the two hours, at the end of which I told him I had to leave as I thought I’d left my straighteners plugged in at home.
Don’t Overdo the Alcohol.
A little bit of alcohol is a great ice breaker helping both parties to relax, however, too much and you could end up with egg on your face. Swaying, slurring your words and having a loose tongue is not attractive on any date, so keep it light, and try to gage how much they’re drinking too so you can both be at the same alcohol induced state. One of my dates, after having too much thought it was perfectly acceptable to use flatulence as humour and flirt heavily with the barmaid. When he asked for marks out of ten at the end of the night, I had no choice but to give him a 2 before shutting the door in his face!
Try not to be Too Touchy Feely too soon
Little gestures are lovely and show that you’re interested. Touching their arm gently as you talk to them, or pushing their hair out of their eyes as you hang on their every word. However, over touching is an invasion of personal space, and rather than have them reciprocate they’re more likely to back off. One date thought it was fine to try and look down my top. Apparently it should have been taken as a compliment. It was not!
Avoid Talking about Ex’s
Of course, for most this won’t be the first date you’ve ever been on, and it’s probably following a break up however long ago it was. However, if the break up is still quite raw, try to save the details for your friends. If you talk about it, you’ll either come across bitter and twisted for being nasty about your ex, or your date will think you’re still in love with them if you only have favourable things to say. A date that shall remain nameless spent the entire time telling me about how his ex-had found someone new, and then panicked because he missed her call as we were eating dessert. It astounds me that he followed up our date with a phone call wondering why I didn’t want to see him again.
Try Not to Spend the Entire Evening Talking About Your Children
If you have children, and this is a rare night off, it’s hard not to spend your time boasting about how wonderful they are, and so you should. I’m not saying you should expect your date to ignore that you have children, but this evening is about you and your date. Your date has come to find out about you as a person, what makes you tick as an individual, not what makes you a good parent. There’ll be plenty of time to introduce the kids in the future if all goes according to plan. One date actually brought his children with him, with no warning whatsoever. The ten year old daughter proceeded to kick him and scream for attention, and that is how I left that little happy family – quickly!
Have Good Manners
Good manners are essential for good first impressions, and you won’t get a chance to make another. So try not to talk with your mouthful, don’t lick the plate, try not to interrupt, don’t argue over the bill and generally do everything that shows respect for the company you’re in. One date decided that I must earn more, and therefore should foot the bill. Nothing like being made to feel special is there?
Avoid Huge Debates
You may disagree wholeheartedly, and be passionate about a certain subject yet a first date is not the time to prove your point. Try to keep conversations light, as disagreements can make for an uncomfortable evening and you’ll end up coming across as opinionated and obstinate rather than honest and forthright. I had one who thought it showed intelligence to disagree with everything I said, just to prove a point. This made for a night of hard work rather than a relaxed evening of light jovial conversation as I was expecting.
Make Sure You Look the Part
Not only will you feel good if you look good, your date will appreciate the effort you’ve made and will be proud to be seen with you. Take your time getting ready, use your best shower gels and shine for the entire world to see! One of mine arrived in a shirt far too small, jeans rolled up to the knees, as it was quite warm and he had obviously never heard of shorts, and sandals which proved he had a terrible nail fungal infection on his big toe. To me that was akin to me turning up in a bikini with my stretch marks!