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How a Married Couple Can Have a Great Relationship
Marriage Tips for Married Women
What can a married couple do to make their marriage an enjoyable one? How can a husband and his wife build a great relationship that can stand the test of time? What are some of the things you can do to ensure that your marriage will remain stable for as long as both of you live?
In this article, I want to show you how a married couple can relate to each other in ways that will make the marriage work.
So, how can you do that?
Do Regular Introspection
When you become angry because of something your spouse says or because of the way he or she behaves, avoid blaming your spouse entirely for how he or she reacted.
Rather, share part of the blame by asking yourself pertinent questions , such as, “Did I do something that might have provoked my spouse to react the way he did?” or “Do I expect too much from my wife?” or “Am I too demanding?” or “Am I looking for happiness when I have not sown the seeds for a happy marriage?” or “Do I do for my spouse the things I want my spouse to do for me, or I am so selfish that I want him or her to treat me right when I don’t treat him or her right?”
When you assess yourself often, it will help you to identify ways in which you may be contributing to conflicts in the marriage, and when you work on your flaws, you can build a stronger relationship with your spouse.
Laugh Together Often
Laughing together often about shared memories, about the things you laughed about when you first met, and about the things you enjoyed doing in the early stages of your marriages, will help you to feel good about yourself and about the relationship.
Consequently, both of you will be able to relate to each other in playful ways, you will be able to keep the fun and excitement in the relationship, you will find the marriage more interesting, and that will help you to maintain the unity in the marriage.
Therefore, once in a while, visit places which remind you of funny events which happened when you were dating, and places which remind you of funny events that occurred in the early days of your marriage. Recall some of those memories and laugh over them and it will strengthen the camaraderie in your marriage.
Maintain Your Independence
The Bible says in Proverbs 25 v 17 that, “Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he become weary of you and hate you.” In other words, when you cling onto someone too tightly, when you don’t give a person some space, that person may take you for granted and, as a result, he or she will no longer feel excited about you.
Therefore, to make your spouse keep on desiring you, to make him or her feel a thrill anytime he or she sees you, try to be independent. This will help to keep the passion and desire alive, it will make the relationship more interesting, you will appreciate your spouse better, you will see your spouse in a new light, and that will help to sustain the fire of love in the marriage.
So, remind yourself of your individuality often. Spend time away from home sometimes, go on vacation to different locations during the summer holidays, throw yourself wholeheartedly into your passions when you realize that you are becoming too attached to your spouse, and that will help you to find renewed vigor for the marriage.
Use A Lot Of Conciliatory Language When You Have Arguments
You can contribute to make an argument last interminably, or you can choose to end arguments by the kind of language you use when you have fights with your spouse.
For example, using phrases such as “It is all your fault!” or “You are responsible for this argument!” or “There is no way you are going to get away with what you did!” or “Don’t you dare go anywhere! I am not finished with you yet!” can make your spouse feel threatened and that can make him or her adopt a defensive posture, which will make him or her hit back at you to show that they are not “a door mat”. Using words such as these may cause fights to escalate and that could spell doom for your marriage.
However, when you use language which can help to end arguments, such as “I never knew that is how you felt about what I said. I now understand why you reacted the way you did,” or “I never thought about your perspective on this,” or “Please let me think over what I did,” or “Can you please give me some time? Can we continue with the discussion next week?” or “Yes you are right, I should have acted with more circumspection,” or “What I did was wrong. Please find it in your heart to forgive me,” can help to end arguments. Using words such as these can make your spouse see that you are willing to make peace and your spouse may soften his or her stance so that he or she can meet you half-way, and that can maintain the peace in the home.
Use Words That Will Help You To Reconnect When You Have Fights
Using these kinds of words will help you to strengthen the bond of love between the two of you and, as a result, you will be able to renew the intimacy in the marriage and also to restore affectionate feelings for your spouse, when you have disagreements.
Accordingly, use phrases such as, “I regret for what I did. Please forgive me,” or “I don’t understand what you mean. Can you explain further?” or “I am not your enemy. I am your teammate and I just want you to clarify things,” or “I am very hurt by what you did, but I will give you another chance,” or “This is not a win-lose situation. We will both lose or win by the way we conduct ourselves during this period,” or “We are in this together,” or “We will find a way around this problem together as lovers,” or “The idea you just brought up about how we can resolve this conflict is a good one. Let’s try it and see,” or “Although you have hurt me, I choose to let go of the pain so that we can make this marriage work.”
By doing this, you can resolve conflicts amicably and that will help you to maintain the stability of your marriage.
Good communication is one of the things that can help you to enjoy your marriage. Good communication involves ensuring that you listen to your partner when he or she is speaking to you so that you can convey the message that you feel that he or she matters to you, always ensuring that there is enough time for your spouse to understand the message you want to convey before delivering it, ensuring that there is enough time for your spouse to give the message full attention, and also encouraging open-ended conversation by using phrases such as “tell me about…” or “how do you feel about…” or “why do you always…” which facilitates sharing of feelings and which can help you to clear misunderstandings with your spouse so that unresolved issues will not undermine the stability of the marriage.
Additionally, other ways of communicating well can also help your spouse to feel that he or she has your attention and that can help to strengthen the relationship.
Remind Yourself Often That Your Spouse Is A Work In Progress
Keep reminding yourself every day about the fallibility of your spouse. Remind yourself that just as he or she has faults and weaknesses, you also have faults and weaknesses. This will help you to humble yourself and try to reconcile with your spouse when he or she wrongs you.
Furthermore, write down 50 faults or weaknesses you see in your character and read them to yourself every day. It will remind you that you are also a wok in progress and that will make it easier for you to forgive your spouse when he hurts you.
Continue To Show Affection
Continue To Show Physical Affection As The Years Go By
As the marriage progresses and responsibilities increase, issues such as how you should train the children, how you should invest your money, differences in communication style, lack of commitment by a spouse, inability to spend quality time and so on will crop up, and they may cause disaffection which can lower the level of marital satisfaction in the relationship.
However, when you continue to touch each other, when you continue to hug each other, and when you kiss often, you are more likely to maintain marital satisfaction: research conducted at Stony Brook University suggests that couples who show physical affection are able to keep the intense feelings they have for each other alive even years after they marry.
Exercise Together Regularly
Studies suggest that couples who exercise together frequently feel happy with each other and, as a result, they are able to consolidate the bond of love in the marriage.
Therefore, make it a point to work out together regularly. Draw up an exercise regimen together so that you can feel you are working as a team.
Additionally, challenge each other so that you can make it fun. Furthermore, give rewards when a spouse rises to a challenge. For example, challenge your wife to walk a distance of about 10 miles in a week. If she is able to cover that distance, buy her a gift of her choice. Or, challenge your husband to run at least 30 minutes every day and if he is able to meet this target, take him out to his favorite restaurant for a treat.
By doing these things, you will deepen the rapport and strengthen your friendship and that will make your marriage stronger.
Show Sensitivity To Your Spouse’s Positive Emotions
Do you show that you are happy for your spouse when your spouse shares the good things that happen to him or her with you? Or are you apathetic to the happy events that occur in the life of your spouse?
Well, rejoicing with your spouse when he or she gets good news can help to strengthen your marriage. A study suggests that being happy for your spouse when he or she is happy can make you enjoy a happy marriage.
Therefore, let your spouse feel that you are happy that they are happy, when your spouse gets promotion, when he or she gets good news from their family, when they meet an old friend and they share their experiences with that friend with you, or when they tell you about a happy experience in their childhood. Do not brush your spouse off or show disinterest, but give him or her full attention, ask questions to show that you are interested in the story, smile, laugh, and show that you are happy for your spouse.
Research shows that prayer can make one more self-controlled and more forgiving. When you pray for your spouse, you will be able to relate to him or her in more lovable ways, you can let go of hurts more easily, you are more likely to continue to be faithful to your spouse, and there is a greater likelihood that your marriage will work as a result.
So, every day, intone prayers such as this one for your spouse, “Dear Heavenly Father, I thank You that my spouse married me. I thank You for the life of my spouse and for the blessing that he has been to me. Lord, I commit Isaac into your hands. Please guard his mind and his heart and let him continue to love me. Lord, please deliver him from the temptations he will face which will try to make him act unfaithfully towards me, as he goes about his daily activities. And please help me to remain faithful and true to him all the days of our lives. Help us to live a happy married life and we will give You the glory. Amen.”
If you want your married life to be great, keep correcting your flaws, create shared fun and humor, do your best not to be too attached to your spouse, master the art of great communication and use it to maintain the rapport in the marriage, do fun things together regularly, and ask the God of love to help you have a great relationship.
Do you often pray for your marriage?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio