- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
To Fear and Revere the Besotted Male
To Fear and Revere The Besotted Male
On this Valentine’s Day it is only fitting to pay homage to that intriguing, beguiling male state of mind known as “ besotted”. If you are a woman you may meet one or more of this species in your romantic life. But first the caveats: The state of besottment has nothing to do with true love although it is possible, not probable but possible, that true love may emerge from this condition. Besottment, in other words, could be a stage in a relationship. What makes besottment different from physical attraction is that in the man’s mind it is far more than that and the very nature of its craziness makes it tough to morph into something more realistic and less intense. The dictionary defines besot as to act foolish to stupefy Oh yeah! That’s what I am talking about. The besotted male stands before you soaked in passion, testosterone and a magic liquid from the gods that turns an otherwise rational male into someone who is as vulnerable as a fawn surrounded by a pack of wolves. A besotted male looks at a woman, maybe only one in a lifetime, and he is turned into a sodden mass of jelly. Cupid doesn’t throw an arrow into his heart the sucker punches him.
You are everything to me!
Most relationships start with some level of mutual attraction even if one person is more attracted than the other. The besotted male is head over heels in love before the object of his affection has said more than a few words. He is stupefied! Regardless of whether he is in a relationship, very attracted to another woman or simply single and looking for his soul mate, the besotted male can kiss his rational mind goodbye, at least for a while. This is not about sex, or perhaps it is about sex but only its highest purest form, meaning it doesn’t even require “physical congress”. When the besotted male meets a certain woman she becomes for him the archetype of “ woman”. She is everything he has ever longed for in a woman. She is to worshiped, adored as much as loved. Her very image touches something inside of him that is almost sacred. She is woman, unblemished by imperfections physically, emotionally, and physiologically. A besotted male will do almost anything to capture the love of his life. Yes, I know. It sounds like a hybrid of Cinderella and Scream II. And besotted males given their stupefied state will resort to a myriad of responses. Some men will stand down and simply watch the beloved from afar. Some will pursue her with an ardor that surprises even them. And yes some whose mental wires are crossed anyway will stalk.
How the besotted male operates
There appears to be no explanation for besottment. Why can one woman inspire that kind of response? A big distinction here, the besotted male’s driving force is not to bed the wench but rather to possess her. The besotted male is met with a variety of responses from the object of his desire. If she is at all interested, she may be receptive to some of his advances. However, remember this is just the beginning for her. In her mind, she is just meeting someone who may or may not prove to be a suitable mate, or even friend. It is the unevenness that can leave our Romeo out in the cold, at the get go. He is way ahead of her. In his mind, they are (if not married) living together in such bliss that neither is really aware of their surroundings! I told you this was fairy tale stuff. She can be easily put off by his ardor. Often when met with this response in a man, a woman will say. He is that crazy about me which translates into if he is that crazy about me there must be something wrong with him. The woman doesn’t have to do anything. She can ignore him, tell him to get lost or date him. It doesn’t matter Romeo is hooked. Ironically, often the man who has been “commitment shy of marriage” will be willing to propose to the object of his affections minutes after meeting her.
If he is wealthy, he will shower her with gifts. If he is not he may go into debt just to please her. He will drive by her house, call her for no reason, and daydream about her to the point of it interfering with his job. And jealous? This is when it can turn ugly. “If I can’t have her, no one will have her.” We know where that can lead, from a bloody nose to a bloody crime scene. A besotted male will surprise himself. He will turn away from what has been a happy life. That can mean he has been in a good relationship which now fades into the background. He may leave his mate or wife or perhaps if he has an ounce of sanity he will allow this besottment to play out without disrupting his life. However, if his beloved reciprocates with any affection at all, you can pretty well kiss off the current relationship. And when we talk about vulnerable we are talking about giving up the affection of a mate, the love of his kids, and the money in his bank account. If and when he recovers it ain’t goin to be pretty. If the object of his affection senses his besottment and has less than good ethics, he can wind up bankrupt. One of the most common sub species of the besotted male is the addict. It doesn’t matter what the male is addicted to; addiction by its very nature is isolating. If you live in constant denial, you have to separate yourself from people who want you to face your addiction. Along come the perfect woman who seems to promise an end to his isolation, his ideal woman who will allow him to love her unconditionally but also will allow him to continue with his addictive behavior.
What is in store for this besotted male who stands shivering before us? Often his intended will run away, if not at the very first meeting, soon into the relationship. “Creepy” is a word she might use to describe him. Never mind that there are other women who find him attractive and would love to pursue a relationship with him. It doesn’t matter to him.
He is not looking for just a partner. He is pursuing his ideal woman with a zeal that may surprise even him. Sometimes, the woman goes along with it. After all, there is something to be said about being worshiped and having a man go to any lengths to please you. But sometimes reality does poke up its ugly head.
It takes awhile. Just finding out that your beloved is married with three kids or that she has served time for grand theft will do nothing to cool besotted’s ardor.
No, it is rather that whatever magical element he believed she would bring into his life just doesn’t materialize. What would that magical element be? Don’t ask. He doesn’t know. She will usually break it off if there is even a relationship to break off; she may marry him and spend her life with a man just crazy about her (I like this one too!)
Or he continues with his life with his ordinary job, his ordinary partner in his ordinary life and one day realizes ordinary ain’t so bad. Each will probably have mementos.
He will keep a picture of his beloved if only in his heart and maybe a strand of hair, a pair of panties, a bracelet carelessly tossed. She may keep some tokens or pawn them.
She will have a great story to tell about this dude that just absolutely flipped over her. But she too will find that her ordinary partner in her ordinary life is just fine.
In all fairness can there be a besotted woman? No, not in my book. However, there is a condition very similar. It is the Big O as compared to the Little O. But that is another story!