To Love and Be Loved Everyday
"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence." -Vincent Van Gogh
"Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals." - J. Isham
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller
"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you." -Roy Croft
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." - Aristotle
Today is the perfect day to express my thoughts about love and what I have learned throughout my life about this very individualistically-described topic.
I have learned over the years that love is not only a feeling or an emotion. It is an action. You know that actions always speak louder than words, so that makes sense, right?
Real Love, in my understanding and experience, is the living reflection of what the Good Book speaks of in I Corinthians 13 when it says:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Throughout life, so many of us believe we have found true love. Many of us are in love with the idea of “being in love.” We want the fairytale, like wished for in the movie “ Julia Roberts We sometimes forget that real love is not always a rose garden. It’s not always easy. As we all know, things worth having are worth working for. Pretty Woman.”
It sometimes takes us years and years of searching, experiencing, letting go, starting over and shedding buckets of tears before we ever come to find the one person with whom we can share the rest of our days. When that person is found, things still are not always a garden of roses. Sometimes, it takes hours of sitting on a couch and talking until the issue is resolved. Sometimes, it takes the foresight to know that one of you has to stand back, step down and realize that it is better to be happy than it is to be right. Sometimes, it takes looking at the one you love as if they were the little child they used to be, long before you knew them. If you can see them as an innocent child, it makes it easier to forgive.
It doesn’t mean you allow your loved one to walk all over you. True love isn’t about being a victim. Remember, “It does not dishonor others.” It’s about each of you respecting the other, knowing that each of you has a right to express their feelings and opinions. It’s about compromise. You talk to each other, you discuss the options and if you can’t decide on a mutual decision, you come up with a third choice that you can both agree on. It’s about listening, truly hearing what the other has to say, without just holding your breath, wanting to blurt out what you want to say. True love knows that anger is “fear out loud” and that F-E-A-R stands for “False Expectations Appearing Real.” That means that when the anger is expressed, it may take more patience, more time to sort out what’s really being felt.
True love isn’t about keeping score, making sure the other knows what they’ve done, how many times they have done it. Remember, “It keeps no record of wrongs.” We all have faults, we all make mistakes. How is it that we can condemn others when we make our own mistakes? We use others as our own mirror! We see in others the characteristics that we have within ourselves, whether those characteristics are things we do currently or are things we may have done in the past. We draw those people into our lives that we need most in order to learn about ourselves. Keep in mind that we draw into our lives the people that we feel we deserve. If we have a low self-image and low self-worth, we draw those kinds of people into our lives, consciously or unconsciously. That’s why they are reflections of how we feel about ourselves at that point in time.
The longer we do inner work on ourselves, the more likely we will find the person who has also done inner work. When that happens, we will truly be able to experience the love of our lives, our soul mate. The reflection we see in each other will be strong and positive and genuine.
My heart knows this because after thirty-seven years of loving, letting go, healing and inner work, I have found my true reflection, my soul mate, the love of my life and I am truly honored and blessed.