Too Many Problems
A Chance to Reconcile
When I had lunch with my best friend she kept me up to date on everything that was going on with her. She had been so-called single for more than a year but she still kept in contact with her ex-boyfriend. It appeared that they had an undying love for one another. However back to our conversation at lunch. She hinted to me that her ex-man came over and he was talking to her about marriage. Here is where the situation gets sticky. Technically he didn't ask his ex-girlfriend to marry him he was just talking about it.
She asked for my opinion and I told her maybe he was trying to see how she felt about it first before taking that big step. My friend told me that it was funny that I said that because her ex-boyfriend told her he didn't expect the reaction my friend gave. I had to be honest with my friend. She had been there for her ex-boyfriend for a long time. Not being bias because the man is wonderful to her. But sometimes it doesn't take a lifetime to know what you want.
Recognizing the Problem
In my opinion it doesn't matter who was wrong or right in the relationship. If two people love each other then they should try to make a go at it. Then again, all people aren't meant to be together. To me from how my friend was giving me the low down it seems like since she has moved on from the ex-boyfriend he expected her to be over joyed when he talked about marriage. The key thing that I am hearing is talking about marriage but not asking. They had been together long enough for him to know if he wanted to marry her. My friend let me in on an already known secret. She would marry him tomorrow but she at least wanted him to be sure.
Honestly I don't understand why this couple out of all of my friends, associates, and others that tell me about their problems can't make it as a "Normal married couple." If there is such a thing. All I want is for people not to let time pass them by over stupid grudges. Granted some things are hell to get over but a lot of stuff isn't that serious to lose the love of your life. This leads me to my next point of sharing this story.
Nothing last forever including waiting around for someone to see the beauty that you have inside. A lot of people come into our lives for different reasons. Some of them are there to teach us how to have patience, love ourselves more, and explore possibilities. On the negative flip side some people come into our lives to just wreck it. Have you notice that these people are so unhappy that they often pretend to be better than they are. When you realize that this person is not exciting or they don't create their own rules they just say they do. Usually it is too late to see what a complete fraud your love one has been.
Even though you might truly love a person and you act like you have moved on but you are in some ways still waiting on them to figure it out, just stop it already. Waiting around for someone to come to their senses is a big time waster. People usually have stubborn mind sets so trying to convince someone into seeing things from your point of view is exhausting.
What to Do
She told me that this time her ex-boyfriend seems like he really wants to settle down. I will admit that maybe they have a shot at a second chance. My friend told me that she knows how her ex-boyfriend had been so hurt by his ex-wife. So in some ways she came across a broken man. Which to me is more devastating than a broken woman. Simply because women get their heart broken all of the time but good women still has to get up everyday and make it work for their kids. They can't afford to take a day off or check out when it is convenient. These women that I am referring to are the ones that turn the smell of shit into the smell of roses.
It appears to me that when some men are hurt that can't function beyond themselves. Although that could apply to anybody, in this case my friend was still holding on more than he was but he still wanted to be in her life. I don't want to assume, but it seems like he may have had an epiphany that nobody will love him like her. Yes, he is loved by his family and what not but to have your partner by your side is a slightly different head space. So what should she do? Well she asked for my opinion and I happily obliged by telling her I can't answer that question. I also added that if she feels like she can't be without him then don't.
Again I say my friend's maybe ex-boyfriend or new fiancé is a great guy but he just wasn't real gun-ho on what he wants from her. I wish them all of the luck in the world that they are finally on the same page because they do have a lot of love for each other. She told me that they were thinking about making it official before the end of this year. Well we will see because to me love is more than a word it is a verb.
I just hope whatever she decides to do she is sure about it.