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Top 10 Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Pornography

Updated on December 15, 2015
Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.

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Harmless recreational fun between two adults or addiction? How can you tell when your partners prediliction for pornography is more than curiosity? While it may seem like harmless fun, pornography can destroy a relationship. It can also damage your image of yourself as a partner and as a sexual being. When pornography becomes an addiction, marriages and live can be destroyed.

Although addiction can affect men or women, most pornography is aimed toward men. Recent studies indicate that about 17 percent of women are addicted to pornography and it is a growing issue for women.

According to recent studies, about 70 percent of men between the ages of 17-34 view pornography at least once a month. But is occasional viewing the same as addiction?

A pornography trade magazine reveals that of the 25 Billion web pages providing x-rated material, 71 percent is viewed by men alone. Nineteen percent of x-rated media is viewed by heterosexual couples and two percent is viewed by women, either alone or as part of a lesbian couple. Solo use of pornography accounts for more than three times the amount used by all others.

With so much porn out there, being viewed by people daily, how can you tell if you or your partner is addicted to pornography?


Is my partner addicted?

Here are ten ways to tell if your partner is addicted to pornography:

1. He blames former partners or spouses for making him this way: A lot of our sexual development happens in relationship. How we view the opposite sex, hang-ups we have about sexual activity, and preferences we have all develop early in our sexual development.It is normal for past experience to shape present behavior and expectation.

Addicts often blame other people for their problems. If your man is addicted to pornography, he may say that an uptight or frigid girlfriend made him that way. He might say he doesn't get enough sex, and has to view porn for release. He might even say you want him to watch porn, rather than be bothered with sex.

If your partner blames others for his dependence on pornography, then he may be an addict.

2. He openly stares at and comments about other women: Men are visual creatures. If your partner glances or looks at another woman, that is not usually a problem. Of course, men are going to be drawn to notice attractive women.

But one of the repercussions of constant porn is that men become hardened to the female form. They disengage from appropriate social behavior and norms. They also become hardened to your feelings.

It doesn't occur to a porn addict that staring at another woman's breasts might hurt your feelings. It also doesn't occur to him that saying, "I'd like to see her naked," might also be hurtful to your relationship. Someone who is addicted will stare openly, make rude and lewd comments, and will completely disregard your feelings.

An addict won't just glance at an attractive woman. He will stare. He will make lewd comments. And he won't care who notices.

If your partner disregards your feelings in public, he may be a porn addict.


3. He stashes porn in weird places: It is not uncommon to find erotica in the bedroom. Many couples keep some form of erotic material nearby for inspiration. Sometimes people keep it in the bathroom, for private reading. If you are finding porn stashed in the linen closet, in the garage, under the seat of the truck, in the kitchen behind the sugar, and in several places in your bedroom, your partner may have a problem.

When your partner begins hiding pornographic magazines in unusual places, such as his desk at work, in his briefcase, in his car, and other places, it may be because he can't resist the temptation to just take a peek. Those peeks turn into long amounts of time, when he completely loses track of time.

Addicts are creative, and will find a place to partake of their addiction where no one will suspect. Sometimes they view porn at work, at the ball field, and at the library. These are only a few of the hiding places. When an addict needs a fix, he or she doesn't care where they are. They care about the momentary endorphin release.

As with any addiction, the release won't be enough, and they will require more frequent visits to their favorite website or magazine.

If your partner stashes porn all in unusual places, he may be an addict.

4. He stays on the computer until 3 or 4 am: Men like to look at naked women. They are visual creatures. Normal men may look at a picture or a website, then get on with their day. Most men will visit an x-rated website at some point in their lives. Many may return weekly or monthly for a brief visit, and to get the blood flowing.

An addict will sit for hours, eyes glazed, mouth slack, brain disengaged, unaware of the passage of time. With a startle, he will realize it is the middle of the night, and come to bed, wound up with his brain in overdrive. Then he will toss and turn until he gets up to go to work. There is little rest for an addict.

If your partner spends hours at a time viewing porn, he may be addicted.

5. He disappears inexplicably for hours at a time: Everyone needs some time alone. We all crave just a few moments to ourselves, without the pressures of work or family. However, an addict will disappear pretty regularly, for hours at a time.

Whether he goes missing in the middle of the work day, or disappears after work or on weekends, he may be up to something. He doesn't answer his cell phone for several hours, then suddenly reappears on the radar, with absolutely no explanation.

When addicts sneak off to enjoy their hobby, they often lose track of time. Often the easiest lie is to say nothing at all. As we badger them about where they have been, they look at us blankly and say, "nowhere."

If your partner disappears for hours at a time with no reasonable explanation, he may be an addict.

6. He can't perform without it: Finally you agree to watch an erotic movie with him. You want to show him that you enjoy a good time just as much as those skinny, fake breasted porn stars. You want him to stop calling you prude and uptight. You enjoy the movie, and everyone has a good time. Day one.

Day two, he wants you to watch again and when you say no, he can't perform. He says he's too tired. But you notice a pattern. If you don't agree to watch a movie, you don't have sex. He has reached a point where he can't get aroused without the hyper-stimulation of pornography. This is not your fault. It is a direct result of viewing too much erotica.

If your partner can only perform while watching pornography, or immediately afterward, he may be addicted.

7. He continues watching after the party is over: So you've done it again; you've watched porn with your partner. You both enjoyed the experience, both had a grand time, and now, you are ready for bed. The problem? He is still engrossed, enthralled and engaged in viewing. You've both enjoyed great sex and it seems pointless to continue. Yet he still stares.

Your partner continues to watch porn even after you've had a wonderful sexual encounter, or after just spending time together. He can't stop himself. He's addicted to the rush it gives him.

If he continues watching porn after the sexual fireworks are over, your partner may be addicted.

8. Suddenly he takes the kids to the library every afternoon: At first, you thought he was being kind, giving you a break from the kids during summer vacation. Then one of the kids comes home and tells you dad was on the computer the entire time.

Thanks to the ACLU and the first amendment, it is perfectly legal to view pornography in a public library. And you thought free speech dealt only with important topics. While most libraries have filters that block passers-by from viewing the content on a computer, they do not always prevent adults from viewing pornography.

If you have installed filters on home computers to prevent your children from viewing inappropriate material, you may also be frustrating your addict, thus sending him to the local library.

If your partner spends hours in the library computer lab, he may be a porn addict.


9. He says he can stop anytime: All addicts think they have control over their addiction. The funny thing is, the addiction sits calmly in the drivers seat, destroying familys and lives across the country. Regardless of the addiction, most addicts think they are in control, when in reality, the addiction to the rush they get is what drives them.

Even if he burns his big box o' porn, and swears to be accountable to the preacher, unless he makes the decision without pressure from you or anyone else, chances are, he will return to his first love. His porn. And an addict will rationalize. "I'll only do it away from home." "I'll only do it on weekends." Addiction of any kind is a slippery slope and difficult to walk away from.

If your partner says he can stop and doesn't, he may be an addict.

10. He chooses porn over his family: You finally set your boundaries, and this time you keep them. You move out, taking the kids. You tell him that his porn needs to stop.

If your partner asks, "Umm... About the porn... is that really a deal breaker?" he may be an addict.


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