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Top 20 Funny Quotes About Life

Updated on June 22, 2011

Quotes about life

Here are the top funniest quotes that will make you laugh and laugh. Use these quotes when leaving texts, emails, post it notes or just want to make someone laugh. Laughter is infectious so share the quotes to many and all. Find the humor, find the smile, laugh at one quote, laugh at many but just find your laughter and share it!

Just Laugh
Just Laugh

Hilarious quotes, just laugh

Here are the top funny quotes overall:

“Acquiring a dog maybe the only opportunity a human ever has to choose a relative.” Quote by Mordecai Wyatt Johnson

“Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.” Quote by Dorothy Parker

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” Quote by Paula Poundstone

“Music is like girlfriends to me; I’m continually astonished by the choices other people make.” Quote by David Lee Roth

“My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” Quote by Joan Rivers

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” Quote by George Carlin

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary; it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.” Quote by Bill Crosby

“The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed.” Quote by Geoffrey Gorer

“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” Quote by Honora De Balzac

“Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Quote by Robin Williams

“I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.” Quote from movie: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

“Women remember the first kiss, men remember the last. “ Quote unknown

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” Quote by Camille Paglia

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” Quote by Erma Bombeck

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Quote by Bob Hope

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” Anonymous

‘Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Quote from movie: National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

“Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.” Anonymous

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.” Quote by Bob Hope

“What we got here is... failure to communicate.” Quote from movie: Cool Hand Luke (1967)

Funny quotes are a good way to break the ice for a new meeting or meeting a new date or simply to use in a presentation to kick start it. These sayings and lighthearted and feel good quotes that can be used for almost all occasions. Laughter is the key to success, find your humor, learn to laugh at yourself and use funny quotes to make others laugh with you!

 

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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Jama, you are most welcome, my dear, talented friend, and LB too. Good ol' Gary. What an enduring actor..Office Space, Brady Bunch and a lot of Lifetime Movie Channel movies. Fact is, he is a cult favorite. I appreciate you, girls, for making my day a LOT brighter. Take care and keep the great hubs coming.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Thanks for all the laughs, LB! And thanks to Kenneth for reminding us of "No matter where you go, there you are". I worked with a very prim and proper lady who wasn't known for throwing out pearls of wisdom, but when she couldn't think of anything else to say, she'd say that! ;D

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      12/6, LadyBird, I must say, this one got me in the ribs....laughing so hard that I can barely type. Voted up and away. Wonderfully-written and very-funny, and yet, so wise. I love your writing talent. Please add this one if you have a sequel..."No matter where you go, there you are," Gary Cole, (actor who was Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch Movie, and my idol)...Merry Christmas to you and yours. Your friend and fellow hubber: KENNETH

    • Lola1929 profile image

      Lola1929 6 years ago from Oregon

      Hi Ladybird... I vote for ..."a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed". (Doesn't sound all that bad actually.) Speaking of being a cook, next time you're out hubbin', go check out some of my recipes. They are totally inedible, but will make you laugh! Love from Lola

    • Prickly Flower profile image

      Prickly Flower 6 years ago from Netherlands

      Really great quotes here! I will come whenever I need a good quote or just a laugh. Thanks.

    • Alladream74 profile image

      Victor Mavedzenge 6 years ago from Oakland, California

      A good and varied collection here. George Carlin was one of the best social commentators with brilliant quotes.

    • Loi-Renee profile image

      Loi-Renee 6 years ago from Jamaica

      Its great to have a laugh before going to bed. Thanks :D

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 6 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      This is a great hub. Loved it from start to finish and I'm still laughing yet!! Many thanks for sharing.

    • Alan Nelson profile image

      Alan Nelson 6 years ago from Geelong Victoria

      Thanks for another great hub,and I will use most of these.Thanks again

      Regards

      Alan Nelson

    • celeBritys4africA profile image

      celeBritys4africA 6 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Your hub make my day.

    • The Jet profile image

      The Jet 6 years ago from The Bay

      Lol. Thanks!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      I too was in need of a good laugh or two and wound up smiling and laughing all the way through these funny quotes. Thanks Ladybird33, well done!

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 6 years ago from the South

      I was in need of a good laugh and ran across your hub. Thanks!

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 6 years ago from Southern Spain

      Love the quotes ! We often have a good laugh together about things I have read & share !

    • bushraismail profile image

      bushraismail 6 years ago from ASIA

      the topic is very true!!

    • mybabytia1 profile image

      mybabytia1 6 years ago

      funny quotes thanx for sharing!!!

    • profile image

      my boyfriend ignores me 6 years ago

      Cool sharing about funny quotes... Great!!!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      vietnamvet68, thanks for stopping by and reading, I enjoyed writing and researching these quotes. Again, I do appreciate it. Hope you are well.

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Dee, thank you for reading my hub and I loved your comment! Hope you are well! Thanks again.

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Shelvajay, this was a fun hub to write, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Alexander, your comment is so very true. Thank you so much for reading my quotes. I do appreciate it so!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Susie405, happy you laughed and that you will share, I share a lot within my correspondence so I hope it helps. thanks for stopping by!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Thoughtforce, thank you for the awesome comment and thrilled you thought the same. I appreciate it so much!!

    • vietnamvet68 profile image

      vietnamvet68 6 years ago from New York State

      I love your pick of quotes, had me laughing. Thanks for sharing.

      God Bless

    • Dee aka Nonna profile image

      Dee aka Nonna 6 years ago

      Decided to read this tonight. Really funny and I needed to laugh. Thanks!

    • Shelvajay profile image

      Shelvajay 6 years ago from If You Know Me Personally, You Know Where I Am...

      This is TOO, TOO FUNNY!!!!! Thanks for sharing!

    • Alexander Mark profile image

      Alexander Silvius 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      There were some great words of wisdom in there. Often the funniest things in life are the truest things. Thanks Ladybird33.

    • SUSIE405 profile image

      SUSIE405 6 years ago from Delray Beach, Florida

      Thanks for a laugh and some great quotes to add to my correspondence.

    • thougtforce profile image

      Christina Lornemark 6 years ago from Sweden

      Many great quotes, but some are to true:) I love reading quotes and now you have put many in one place! What a relief with a funny hub, I will go to sleep, smiling! Thanks!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Harvey, you are a wealth of knowledge and appreciate you sharing it with me. Hope you are well and thanks for coming to see me!!!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      samsons1, thanks for the rated up and thrilled you laughed. Appreciate you stopping by!!!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Rhonda, laughing is such a good way to relieve stress, see I relieved stress in your life this morning...or at least I hope so. Thanks for stopping by!!!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Immartin, I wrote this with coffee too... I had been collecting these quotes for a while so it was fun to sit, drink my coffee and write them all down in one place. Thanks for reading, it means a lot!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      breakfastpop. hope you are well and thanks for reading! I like a good laugh so I hoped you enjoye it! All my best to you!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Hi Carrie, I love to be bookmarked! Thanks so much!!!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Ilander, I am thrilled that you enjoyed this hub in the morning, that is when I wrote it. Great minds think alike! Thanks for reading and the comment!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      Hi Benjamin, thanks for reading and yes that comment is soooo true! Hope you are well and thanks for reading my funny quotes!

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      fiddleman, thank you for the comment and reading my hub! I appreciate it!

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 6 years ago from Illinois

      Eye,(Legs) Enjoyable, look into Buddy Hackett, Rodney Dangerfield and Henny Youngman. H

    • samsons1 profile image

      Sam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      up and funny! Always enjoy a good laugh...

    • Rhonda Waits profile image

      Rhonda Musch 6 years ago from The Emerald Coast

      Thanks for the laughter this morning. I truly could not compose myself.

    • lmmartin profile image

      lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      I love a good quote, particularly a funny one. Thanks for the treat with my morning coffee. Lynda

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Love this collection of quotes. i enjoy starting off the day laughing.

    • carrie450 profile image

      carrie450 6 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

      Thank you for the laughs this morning Ladybird33. It's made my day :)

      These are great quotes, some of which I haven't seen before. I'll bookmark. rated up.

    • profile image

      Ilander 6 years ago

      Hello Ladybird, It's 7:30 AM here in Tampa Fl and the first

      read of the morning were your quotes. Very good humor for

      an early morning laugh. Thank you!

    • profile image

      BenjaminB 6 years ago

      "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it",by Bob Hope. How true ,how true,how true! Sadly that is. Good collection here Ladybird33.

    • profile image

      Fiddleman 6 years ago

      These are pretty funny. Thanks for the laughs

    • Ladybird33 profile image
      Author

      Ladybird33 6 years ago from Fabulous USA

      thanks so much Wendi, I appreciate you reading!!

    • Wendi M profile image

      Wendi M 6 years ago from New Hampshire

      I was laughing so hard that I have tears rolling down my face. What a great hub!!