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Top 5 Reasons Why Couples Cheat on Each Other and How to Fix it

Updated on October 14, 2015

The Big "C"

With 53% of all marriages ending in divorce, there is 100's of reasons why marriages don’t last in today’s society. But there is one main reason that causes over 40% of all divorces. You see it on television, read about it books, and hear about it in songs on the radio, yes I am talking about cheating. What causes one to cheat? This seems like a complex question, but ask yourself this question, why would you say you love someone and then turn around and cheat on that person with someone that you barely even know? Why would a person tell you he or she loves you today and tomorrow he or she is in bed with someone else probably telling that person the same thing. You got to understand that infidelity comes with lies, the attempt to hide what you started, only to try to protect what you have already lost. Now you want to ask why couples cheat. This complex answer can be broken down quite simple. So give me a moment or two, we’re gonna be breaking down five top reasons why couples cheat on each other and how to fix it.

1. Distressed Relationship Life

Lack of mutual understanding with your partner leads to regular fights. The issue remains unsolved most of the time, due to lack of communication. If one or both people in a relationship have poor communication skills, they may not be able to fix the problem. In such circumstances he or she tends to become emotionally disturbed. They look for emotional support from someone else outside of the relationship. This is an act of "emotional" cheating which in most cases can be the first step to "physical" infidelity. Experts suggest it is important for couples to view their relationship as a partnership and negotiate and compromise to resolve issues.

2. Dull and Uneventful Relationship

For many couples relationship life can become dull. Especially in an extended relationship. The excitement and the thrill to engage with someone else in the meantime is very tempting to them. Experts say that boredom and a dull, daily routine, can kill a marriage, squashing intimacy and romance. This is the main reason for men and women exploring extramarital relationships. Research Professor Helen Fisher suggest three things to keep the love burning: “Marry the right person, have sex with them regularly, and go out and do novel, exciting things with the."

3. Unleashing Sexual Fantasies

Many couples find it boring to exercise their bedtime routines with the same partner. For the sake of experimenting they tend to change partners at regular intervals. Experts suggest that it is easier to experiment with someone outside of the marriage than to share sexual fantasies with a longtime partner.

In spite of recent research that tells us it's perfectly normal, healthy even, to engage in sexual fantasies, many people bury or ignore what makes them feel good. The result, they say, can be an unfulfilling sex life.

"Your partner loves to see you turned on, and fantasies are what take you there," says Cheryl McClary, PhD, JD, professor of women's health at the University of North Carolina-Asheville. What's more, she says, "If you're not turned on, your partner is going to know it."

She suggests ways to bring yourself to a heightened sense of arousal, before sharing that experience with your partner. "Seduce yourself first. Go where your fantasies are. Buy erotic undergarments. Rent movies with sex scenes that turn you on," McClary says.

But by all means, she says, don't keep your erotic fantasies to yourself. "Call your partner at work and share your fantasies. You'll be doing yourself and your partner a disservice if you don't," McClary says.

4. Emotional Obstacles

It is an established fact that couples who cheat are drained emotionally. Their partner may be too concerned with their individual activities that include raising children, somehow the partner will feel degraded when proper attention is not being paid to them. Another person who may praise him or her, this will naturally attract her or him to that person.

Having a child signals enormous changes into the marriage relationship. Children are needy, emotional and time-consuming. Raising them takes a lot out of a husband and wife. On top of the sleepless nights and hormonal changes, parents can become emotionally unattached to their spouse. This can cause a couple to feel unloved by the other.

Dr. William Harvey PhD, says that emotional needs change throughout marriage, especially after having kids. Most of the time after having children a husband feels that he is meeting a woman's emotional need by making a living and being affectionate. And women usually feel she is meeting her husband emotional need by being a good mother and wife.

To prevent this you need to have open communication with your spouse and be able to voice your needs. This will make you have a more intimate connection with your partner.



5. The Past Lover

Couples who are unsuccessful in a previous relationship , always have a soft spot for their ex. This can leave a void or blank spot in ones life. Whether it was "the one who got away" or that first love, even just someone you were emotionally attached to. After being together, if there is a chance for that person to be with their ex, they usually would not think twice about being unfaithful to their partner to fill this void, if they are already in an unstable relationship or marriage . A child who has witnessed this cheating by their parents first hand or heard arguing about cheating between parents may also take up the habit, which can start a new generation of cheating.

While there really isn't a quick fix to sleeping with an ex, except faithfulness and love, you can avoid arguing about it in front of your children.Many conversations/argument are fine to have in front of children. Certain subjects, though, should be off-limits. An obvious one: your sex life, says Dr. Tessina. They don't know how to interpret adult things, so don't expose them to something they're not ready to understand," says Dr. Tessina. When you do this you are leading them to think that this type of behavior i.e. the cheating is acceptable, in return they will repeat your actions when they get older. This can cause them not to be able to form healthy loving relationships as an adult.

Are you in an Unfaithful Relationship?

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Infidelity Facts

Percentage of:
Admitted to Infidelity
Admitted to Infidelity on a Business Trip
Admitted to Infidelity With an Co-Worker
Admitted to Indfidelity with an In-Law
Men
57%
 
 
 
Women
54%
 
 
 
Men & Women
 
36%
36%
17%

Sources

http://www.infidelityfacts.com/infidelity-statistics.html

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/30808963/ns/health-behavior/t/dull-days-wreck-marriage-faster-fighting/#.Vh25XsumAic

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sharing-your-sex-fantasies?page=2

http://familyshare.com/marriage/the-top-5-challenges-of-marriage

http://marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5031_qa.html

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Excellent points!

      The goal of most cheaters is to (hold onto) all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" whatever they may be on the side. Rarely does anyone set out to cheat in order to (replace) one relationship with another one.

      In essence people cheat in order to STAY/Tolerate their existing circumstance. Whatever they're unhappy about clearly has not reached the level where they believe divorce is their best option.

      Cheating is about "breaking the rules" not walking away.

      Sometimes it's about economics and living standards.

      Imagine a married guy whose wife has no sexual interest once menopause set in. They've had discussions and tried some other things but she still has no interest. From his point of view he now has three options.

      1. Give up having sex for the rest of his life.

      2. Run down to the courthouse and file for divorce, move out of his home into a studio apartment, pay child support & possible alimony, become a weekend dad, and divide up family and friends as they choose sides.

      3. Find a woman who is sexually attracted to him and physically desires him.

      Many men go with option #3. Cheaters don't expect to be caught!

      Naturally one also has to look at the age of the person as well. Cheating while in one's teens and 20s is often tied to immaturity, ego gratification, and not knowing oneself well enough to know they're not ready for (exclusive commitment). I believe there are three basic types of cheaters.

      1. The Incessant Cheater - Gets bored easily; Motto is: "Variety is the spice of life!" Needs the thrill of having someone "new". Monogamy for them is like going on a strict diet. (They will never be faithful for long).

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater (Caved to temptation/impulse at chance to make a fantasy reality. They weren't "proactively" looking to cheat. Maybe someone out of their league hit on them, a person they had a secret crush, or an ex came to into town, was on a business trip.. and there was no way their spouse would find out.

      (This cheater may feel guilty and confess weeks, months, or years later)

      3. Discontented Cheater - Blames you! (You started/stopped doing something that made them feel no longer "special or loved")

      I believe there are 3 reasons why people (don't) cheat.

      1. They are "in love". (There's a difference between love and "in love".)

      2. They don't want do anything that would put their relationship at risk.

      3. They know how hurt they'd be if their mate cheated. (Avoid bad karma).

      One man's opinion!:)