- Gender and Relationships
Top 5 Reasons Why Women are Attracted to Married Men
Top 5 Reasons
1. The Challenge
2. He's a Good Catch
3. He's Unafraid of Commitment
4. She is Afraid of Rejection
5. Benefits w/o Responsibilities
“Guys, you know what the best pick up line is? I’m already in a relationship. Chicks love to hear that.”
And as sad as that may sound, there's great truth to this saying. Take my husband for example. He used to work at a home improvement store and while working, he badly damaged his wedding ring and was unable to fit it on his finger so he stopped wearing it. He told me that the minute he stopped wearing his ring, the amount of women who hit on him decreased substantially. What are the odds?! So women would hit on him all day when they saw a diamond-studded band glistening on his finger, but the moment his finger became naked, women passed him by without so much as a second glance.
Why? Why? Why? Why are women so attracted to married men? What is it about a band on that fourth finger that sends them over the edge? I researched this topic and have compiled the Top 5 Reasons why women are attracted to married men.
1. The Challenge/Seduction
Women are competitive creatures, I believe even more so than men. Who has the prettiest hair? The hottest outfit? The baddest body? The best career? Whether we realize it or not, we tend to compete with other women and compare ourselves to others. You can be dressed to impressed and then step out the car, your eyes land on another woman, and now you’re in the bathroom, fine-tuning your hair and makeup because the other lady you saw cannot possibly outdo you tonight.
When some women see a band glistening on a man’s fourth finger, she instantly picks up on the challenge. She got you, but I bet I can have you. Some women flirt more with married men than single men because it’s just “harmless” flirting and at least they know it’s not going anywhere. Then there’s the thrill of the catch and the adrenaline rush that comes when you know you’re treading on dangerous ground. That’s when women turn up their charming smile and seductive eyes to the nth degree and go in for the win.
2. He Must Be a Good Catch
Most women would not pledge their life to a man who they believe is a complete loser, an epic failure. So if some woman out there was brave enough to pledge her life to you, then you must be a good catch. Too often we hear women say the words, “Where’s all the good men at?” The man standing before you must be a good man because if he wasn’t, she wouldn’t have married him right?
3. He’s Not Afraid of Commitment
Too often, women have to deal with men who are afraid of commitment. They run from the m-word; he’ll be your boyfriend or fiancé for years and years but the minute you begin pressuring him into tying the knot, he’s ready to take off running. However, this man standing before you is different. He wasn’t afraid to get on his knee and ask his woman to marry him. He wasn’t afraid to agree to spend the rest of his life with this one woman. But this reason and reason #2 are oxymorons; they contradict themselves. You are attracted to a man who is a good catch, a man who is committed, but if he allows himself to be seduced by you, isn’t he becoming the opposite of what you were so attracted to in the first place?
4. Afraid of Rejection
A lot of women who deal with married men do so because they are afraid of rejection. Imagine approaching a single, very available, attractive man and he turns down all your advances. Some women might shrug it off while others feel intense self-esteem issues from rejection. Now imagine approaching a married, very unavailable, attractive man and he turns down all your advances. You don’t have to deal with rejection because you know that he was supposed to turn you down—he has a wife at home. The blow of rejection doesn’t hurt as bad from an unavailable man as it would from a single man.
5. Benefits without Responsibilities
Some women will say, “I like messing with married men because when I finish with them, I get to send them back home to their wives.” What do they mean by this? They get all the benefits that come from being with this man—good sex (maybe), money, gifts, etc. Furthermore, she’s playing the role of mistress so she gets to be his fantasy world instead of dealing with the hard realities of being his wife. And she doesn’t have the responsibilities that come with being his wife—things like taking care of bills in the household, sharing chores, raising children together, washing his dirty laundry, etc., etc.
My Personal Experience as a Mistress
A decade ago, I was a man’s mistress. He was married when I met him and he used a saying that most women have probably heard before: “Yeah, I’m married, but we’re separated. We’re just waiting for our year of separation to go through so we can get a divorce.” Like a fool, I fell for it. Exactly what was it that attracted me to this man who had a ring on his finger? Reasons 1-3.
Reason 1: I saw it as a challenge. At the time, I felt like I looked better than she did and I could love him better than she ever could. Reason 2: Since she’d married him, he must be a fairly good catch. She must have seen something in him that prompted her to agree to spend a lifetime with this man. Reason 3: He’s obviously not afraid of commitment if he became her husband. If he can commit to her, then he can commit to me.
Yes, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I tricked myself into believing that if something this good was wrong, then I didn’t want to be right. And it led to me getting pregnant with my first child and him deciding (while I was pregnant) that he wanted to work things out with his wife after all. Talk about someone looking like an idiot—but I got exactly what I deserved!
Years later, I apologized to his wife for having a child by her husband and I thank God that she forgave me. To this day, they are still together and they were able to move past his infidelity and our “lovechild.” Now, as a married woman myself, I had to deal with a mistress and I tell you this. To any woman who is having or has had an affair with a married man, just know that the shoe sure doesn’t feel good when it’s on the other foot. Keep that in mind while you’re happily scurrying around with another woman’s husband. One day, you will be the wife. How will you feel if a woman is doing to your husband what you’re doing to another woman’s husband right now?
Do you think a woman is wrong if she intentionally flirts with a married man?
Stop the Madness
Women, the old proverbial saying is true: What goes around comes around. Leave that married man alone! You may feel like you two have the best sex in the world. Well, isn’t sex the best when you’re doing something naughty, forbidden—and furthermore, when you’re participating in an act that is pure competition (I’m gonna blow your mind better than she ever could)?
Think about what you’re doing. You’re destroying a marriage and tearing apart a household. And of course, your response to this would be: “the marriage was already falling apart before I ever got involved.” (I used the same excuse to justify my wrongdoing). Just know that when you see a house on fire, you try to help put out the flames—not quickly bring about its destruction by dousing it with gasoline. Remember: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap (Galatians 6:7).
© 2014 Jessica Barrow