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Who is stopping you from finding a partner?

Updated on October 18, 2012

In today’s society more and more people are living alone, in the US between the ages of 18-34 years there are 5 million people living alone. By the time we reach middle-age this number has jumped to 15 million. Now there’s nothing wrong with living alone and many choose this way of living. After all it’s much easier to please oneself than have to compromise with a partner.

If you are amongst those who choose to live alone, not through choice but circumstance then you may have asked the question ‘why me?’

Over the years I’ve listened to my single friends ask this question. It baffles them and quite often it baffles me too. Why are my beautiful single friends single when they don’t want to be?

Why is this? Do they set their standards too high and are they looking for the impossible? Or have they had so many knock backs their confidence is at an all-time low?

So with a bit of help from my friends both single and in relationships we’ve put together some tips that may help you find a partner.

1) Identify what it is that you are really looking for. Do you want a partner? Is it kids, family or something more casual, be honest. Or do you actually quite enjoy being single?

2) Write down the great things about yourself and what your lucky partner can expect. If you are struggling with this then get your friends to do this. It’s a great way to boost your confidence and self esteem

3) What are you looking for? Write a list of what you expect in a partner. List in order of priority, but be realistic. It may be great to meet a millionaire and although not impossible, the majority of people are not in this wealth bracket so your chances are reduced if this is your main criteria. If you are adamant this is what you want then start hanging out where these people socialise, mix and mingle. A list will help you clarify what your expectations are.

4) Where are you going to start your search? Online dating agencies, work, local pub/bar, walking the dog, through a hobby, join a club, travelling, local newspaper. It is worth investing time in more than one avenue if possible. Choose one area where you feel really comfortable for example; an art class if you have an interest in art. Choose another area or new hobby that is not so familiar so you have to step out of your comfort zone.

5) When are you going to start your search? You have to be pro-active, give yourself a time frame when you are going to start looking and the steps you are going to take to get things moving.

6) Visualise yourself with your perfect partner. In your mind believe that it’s already happened. If you’ve ever read the book ‘The secret’ you may recall the chapter where a woman was trying to attract a partner and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening she had covered every area of really believing she already had her partner, until she realised that she hadn’t left room in the garage for his car. Instead of parking in the middle she started parking to the side. Not long after she met her partner. I don’t know how true this is, but grab the concept. Make way in your life for your new partner.

7) Affirmations - every day say a few affirmations, ‘I am beautiful and I deserve to have the best partner.

8) Gratitude – be thankful and grateful for everything you already have. Being grateful for what we have helps us appreciate how much we already have. Try and focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have.

9) Live for the moment - you may have heard this often before. It’s something you have to train your mind to do,. It helps to become more self-aware. If we worry about the future, the ‘how’s and whens’ of life we lose valuable time appreciating what we have here and now. After all it’s only our mind that holds any self-limiting beliefs. So live in the moment when you can.

10) Be self-aware and as positive as you can, gracious to others. That in itself is a very attractive trait. You will naturally draw people to you when you exude kindness, compassion and happiness. People will want to be around you.

11) Hold you head up high, keep your posture firm and strong, because you are beautiful and there is a very lucky somebody out there waiting to snap you up. Believe it.

12) Put in the effort - Look your best, that doesn’t mean that you have to dress up for every occasion. Be comfortable in the clothes you wear, do they suit your body, do you feel happy and confident in them? If it’s yes then great. Just put the most amount of effort into looking and feeling great. I know it’s not always easy. We all have days when things don't quite as well as we would like. But positive energy and vibration will attract the same back.

13) Believe in yourself – you can do it. You are worthy and you deserve it. Remind yourself however many times you need to.

14) Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions – ouch. Sometimes this can hurt. When we truly acknowledge and take full responsibility for our actions our minds are opened. We are able to see more clearly how our actions or lack of them are responsible for the situation we find ourselves in. If you have no friends – then why not?

15) Step outside of your comfort zone - scary I know. That little voice inside will find a hundred reasons why you shouldn’t do something. Put it at the back of your mind where it belongs and take a risk, try something new, do something different. When you start changing your way of thinking and doing things, your life will change too.

16) Blame and anger – we all feel these at times it’s only human nature. The trick is to let go of both of these negative emotions. Let them go. They have no place in your world; replace them with another more positive emotion. Negativity will eat away at you, when we can’t forgive or hold onto anger it’ is only ourselves that suffer, both physically and emotionally. Positivity is a much stronger emotion that can override the negative. It is powerful and an attractive trait to have. Have you ever marvelled at the person that has many friends, and always seems to land on their feet? Well that person is no different to you or I, it’s all about attitude and maintaining a positive one when possible.

17) Keep a diary of how you feel, how you respond to certain situations, you may be surprised. Get some feedback from your friends, listen to them and learn from it – keep moving forward.

18) Finally - there's hundreds of thousands, even millions of people looking for the same thing, you are not alone, your partner is out there too, looking for you.

Do you believe that it is up to your alone to find a partner or more down to circumstance?

See results

Well good luck in your quest. Will you be successful? I believe you will. I was, nearly 15 years ago I started doing many of the things I am advising you to do. I wrote down what I wanted. I set my mind to it. There was no other option. I was going to meet my partner and I did. You may meet a few people along the way that aren’t right for you, do not accept second best, but also keep your expectations real. Listen to that voice; trust that feeling inside that tells you when something is right and if it doesn’t have the confidence to stop,you can change the situation. Remember you never know what is around the corner. Everything you have in your life right now is there because you made it happen; you can make this happen too.


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    • samnashy profile image

      Sam Graham 5 years ago from Australia

      I hope so. It's great have a partner to share, even a friend. Thanks for your comment

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Finding the right life partner, is a very crucial and important decision. Thanks for the valuable suggestions. It will definitely help many in their search. Thanks for sharing.

    • samnashy profile image

      Sam Graham 5 years ago from Australia

      Thanks Billybuc. Great you have found you partner for life.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Happily I have found my partner for life, but these are wonderful suggestions.