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Why you should put your husband before your children

Updated on August 10, 2013

Always yours

Why do you feel more close to your children than with your husband?

1. You feel a sense of belonging.

2.You outgrow your spouse, not your children.

3. You are ready to forgive your children readily, while you read between the lines with your spouse.

4. You feel responsible towards your children, but not towards your spouse.

Are you right in feeling such a way about your spouse and make him him\her secondary and less important in your life?

You adore your children, don’t you? They are the essence of your life and you would go to any level to make them happy. It is very rare to see a parent who doesn’t like his\her children. You work for their betterment and your mind is filled with thoughts about their future. But can you say the same about your spouse? The answer would most probably be in the negative.

Matter of fact relationship with your spouse makes your married life boring and your life with her\ he is very practical and emotionless. Why is it that you find it natural to adore your kids while you find it hard to be the same with your spouse? It is because you feel that your child belongs to you, whereas you do not have the same attitude towards your spouse.

But you should understand one main thing. Your child is from you, but not for you. They have their own life to lead. Their priority in life changes when they turn adult. They have their vision set on their future betterment and they work towards it. Though their love for you has not changed, their world does not include only you. In their tender youth they cling to you for everything, but they shrug you off when their feet gets firmed on the ground. Instead of being the only person they loved and trusted, you now become an also- to -be –trusted- person.

It is not an aspect to be regretted, as this is the way life goes on. But your spouse may not be from you, but she\he is ‘for’ you. Your problem is her \his problem and she\he reflects your feelings. Who can be a better friend than your spouse? You should enclose your spouse in a loving atmosphere of care and attention and revitalize the love in your marriage.

You should feel that your spouse is for you and you will be amazed by the overwhelming glow of deep love you experience towards him\her. You should link your minds together to lead a truly meaningful life, enriched with a sharing of good and the bad. In fact when you share the bad times together with courage and fortitude, you will feel that your bond has strengthened immensely. When the bad times are over, the happiness you feel would be doubled because you had won over your traumatic period in loving togetherness.

Most marriages will be a success if this feeling of belonging is inculcated into the minds of couples. In today’s fast paced life, everything is hurried and hectic. Your energy level is stretched to the limit by the stress in your work place and it is a highly competitive world. You feel sapped and you need some anchor to hold on to make your life fruitful. You feel that the anchor you need is your children. You make your life center around your children, only to feel a sense of emptiness when they deviate from you to lead their own lives.

But your spouse will always be there for you, to give shoulder in times of stress, to smile with you in times of happiness, to take care of you when you are ill. Your relationship should strength as time passes and your need for each other should intensify and deepen to make you feel emotionally secure.


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    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 4 years ago from California

      Children drain you and a good husband replenishes you. They should both be cared for but, as you say, "Your child is from you, not for you".

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 4 years ago

      Hi mathira,

      I love the thoughts that you represent behind your hub it makes totally sense.

      A couple decide to have a baby and the woman tends to pay more attention to the baby instead of

      her spouse, which results in a breakup. thanks for this great hub. Voted up.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Building a strong relationship with your spouse is the essential foundation for a good marriage. I am happy that you have found true love with your spouse.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      dhannyya, the love you have for your children sometimes makes you overlook the importance of nurturing your relationship with your spouse. Thank you for your visit.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      It was a jolt for me to realize this concept. It came when my children were grown, and nearly all gone from my home. I realized that my spouse and I did not have the strong relationship we needed to weather the life change of the empty nest. Thankfully, as we both invested in our relationship, we developed more love than we thought possible. Our commitment to remain together made all the difference in the world.

    • dhannyya profile image

      dhannyya 4 years ago

      your thoughts are very correct...this is from a mother's heart..from a wife's heart...i can understand this...I do also sometimes ignore my spouse for I am too much concerned for my child