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Trusting your Partner
Trust in a relationship is vitally important in order for you to have a full and healthy relationship. Without trust, a relationship will not survive.
Childhood trauma, past relationships or events that have occurred guarantee that you will find it difficult to trust anyone.
For a healthy relationship your issues need to be resolved before you can go any further as the base of every relationship is trust.
If you start with no trust from the beginning, then you will always have trust issues and you will never find any peace or happiness.
As a person with trust issues you would need to figure out why you cannot trust and this is something that you will want to work on.
How to Solve Trust Issues
There is no easy and quick fix to working n your trust issues but you can start with getting to the source of your problems.
If it was a childhood trauma where you were hurt or lied to by an older family member, cousin or friend then you have to confront that person to be able to move forward with your life.
Confronting people who have hurt you needs a lot of courage but it has to be done and if you can't do it on your own then this would be a perfect opportunity for you to ask for help from a friend or partner.
Ask them why this happened, ask as many questions as you possibly can in order to understand what happened, why it happened and how it has effected your life.
Some people just need an explanation or an apology to move forward. You will also realise that you are no longer afraid of that person and it will give you a sense of freedom to let go.
Talking to a psychologist might also help you with these issues and they could give you sound advice on hoe to move forward.
It would also help for you to open up to your family and let them know what events took place so that you can learn that there are people who understand and people that you can trust.
If a relationship was the cause of your mistrust then you also need to confront your ex and ask simple questions about why they cheated or lied so that you can understsnd that it was not your fault and that there are different types of people, not all the same and there is hope in trusting others.
" A scorpion wanted to cross the river and asked the frog to please take him across. The frog said, "no, if I take you across, you will sting me." The scorpion promised that he wouldn't sting the frog and the frog decided to take him across. Towards the end of the river the frog felt a sudden pinch in his back and realised that the scorpion had stung him. "I took you across the river to help you out, why did you sting me?" The scorpion replied, "Thank you for taking me across the river, I am sorry I stung you, but.... it is in my nature."
If you have started a relationship without trust and you are unsure of your partner than your relationship will not work. Some people are naturally unfaithful and you can either accept this or move on. By being in a relationship with a partner that you know has a history of being unfaithful, then you will never learn peace. In the back of your mind when he/she is on the phone or comes home late, you will always suspect the worst and chances are that your suspicions are correct.
Who wants to be in a relationship like that?
What would be the point of this as there are people out there that you can trust and ones that will be faithful, giving you a loving relationship.
Unfaithful people do exist and this is because they were never taught any better. It could also be that they were hurt or lied to as children and there are underlying issues that need to be resolved for them. Those issues need to want to be resolved by the unfaithful as their lives will always remain empty and full of one night stands, tears and broken relationships.
These issues are not yours to solve and they might never change, they might enjoy the life that they lead.
Some people are just born that way and it could be the way that they were brought up without consequence or morals or it could even be that they have no regard or emotions for other people.
Don't expect them to change and it is in your best interest to move on before you get hurt and destroy your faith in relationships.
Partners that Cheat in Long Term Relationships
The worst thing that can happen in a relationship with someone that you have spent most of your life with, is finding out that they have been unfaithful to you.
The safety, security, trust, love, respect and friendship are replaced by anger, hurt and insecurity, when a loved one cheats.
Many of us believe that cheating is because we have done something wrong or we didn't do something in the right way. It could drive you crazy thinking about all of these things.
The truth is, when someone loves you completely and you have built an open, honest and trusting relationship, then there is no excuse for cheating. It is a weakness at a time when your partner is vulnerable, feeling neglected or just having a mid- life crisis.
Generally, as parents the biggest mistake made, is not making enough time for your relationship, both intimately and emotionally. People get stuck into a rut with work, schools, kids and time runs out. The rushing around and worrying about children and debts, leads couples to halter communication as there is no time or place for them to speak about how they feel and what they are wanting. Intimacy has no place for excitement and adventure as fatigue from work, household chores and stress, get in the way of you looking and feeling sexy.
Frustration from doing nothing other than working, housework, homework and paying bills, leads to a lack of interest in partners day to day events. Not because they don't care but because they have gotten used to the rut and have just gone with the flow.
Women start to feel lonely and men feel neglected, leaving them vulnerable and open for mistakes.
Can you Trust Your Partner After an Affair?
How to Get over Cheating
Sadly, the truth is that you never fully get over someone being unfaithful to you. Time heels all wounds but it does leave scars.
Being in a long term relationship or a marriage and having your partner cheat, breaks the foundation that you have built together. Whether it was a lack of communication or a simple moment of weekness, you have to put into your head, that it was not your fault.
Having a history with your partner ensures that you will want to work things out and start fresh. For some, this is a wake up call and for others it is the means to an end.
Getting over your partner cheating is very hard work, difficult and it takes time....time....time.
If you are one of the lucky ones and your partner has admitted to cheating then there might be hope for you.
If you found out that your partner was cheating and you were the last to know, then the reality is that he/she could possibly do it again as they were not sorry or guilty to begin with.
Having an open line of communication is very important and to get over someone cheating means that you need to know all the facts; when, where, why?
If there was a problem with distance or if it was just a moment of weakness, than understanding how to work through it together can only be done by communication.
Having a partner that has cheated means that you will be angry.... Get angry, get mad, scream, shout and let it all out of your system.
Cry, cry, cry! Don't hold it in, go and have a good and long cry. Take as long as you need and allow yourself the space to soak it all in.
Confront your partner by asking all the questions that you need answers to so that you can understand exactly why it happened.
Step 1-Your partner has to cut all ties from his/her affair.
There is no way for certain that you can trust this will be done but if you are willing to try and work on your relationship than you need to take that chance.
Cutting all ties with the person that your partner cheated with, is neccesary.
You then need to understand why they selected that person and how it happened.
Once you have established this you can work on bettering your own relationship.
Step 2- Remove Influences that Caused the Affair
Most affairs happen from the office. Guys or girls stay after work to have a drink with colleagues.
They travel a lot and get to spend time away from stress and family life which makes everything seem so much better.
They have friends of the opposite sex, which is never a good idea if you are in a relationship.
Removing all the bad elements and temptations will aide in the repairing of your relationship.
No more drinking after work with colleagues.
Travelling should be done with your partner and if that can't happen then it might be a good idea to speak to the boss about stopping it all together. If that doesn't work then finding a new job might be a good idea.
Step 3- Cellphone, Email and Internet Should be Open
Cellphone or telephone conversations should not be hidden. If your partner has nothing to hide then open conversations should not be a problem and both you and your partner should be able to use each others phones at anytime, without password protection.
Email and internet should also be an open line where you can both see what the other one is doing without having to worry that someone is on the otherside chatting. Passwords in a relationship are taboo and there should be nothing to hide and no secrets.
Step4 - Forget the Past and Move forward
This is very difficult but you need to forget what happened in order to move forward. Your partner has already told you the where, why and how. Now it is time for you to work on moving forward and starting again.
Starting over means to forget the past and begin by taking each day one at a time.
Bringing up the affair if you have decided to forgive and try again, will not help strengthen your relationship.
Step5- Get to Know Each Other Again
You have lost your way and you need to find each other again by dating.
Set aside a night a week to go out on a date, where you can talk about each other instead of bills, kids, etc. Pretend that this is the first date and work your way forward from there.
Try to be flirty and become friends again before you can move into a serious relationship. Once you are friends you can then start on the "going steady" phase of your partnership.
Starting all over again is required!
Step 6- Get Intimate
It takes a big and brave person to admit to cheating and that is half the battle already won.
Communication can get stronger and your relationship could become more open and honest as you have experienced the worst that you can.
Getting intimate means that you need to have an open communication to let each other know when you are not happy and why, if there is something that you don't like or do like.
Take a weekend away or even a week off as a couple to explore each other again intimately. Speak to each other about what you would like and what your partner would like.
Let go of everything that might bother you and loose your inhibitions!
Just enjoy each other physically and forget about the world outside.