How is it you can want someone so much that there is real physical pain inside that won’t go away? Whether it’s mid-afternoon, morning, or night—just looking at that person causes a stirring of desire.
And why does it make you feel so bad because you try to “put a lid” on the fire when you know that they do not feel well and you want to do the right thing by them by not taking advantage of the fact that you’re horny?
The war in yourself to satisfy those painful urges, and then again not to, because they don’t feel well, is great indeed; especially as you continue to lie there—wanting, needing. What do you do?
Then you remember a time from the past when you lay beside another man, one who held your very heart completely, and you had the same urges and feelings, but you couldn’t touch him either—not because he felt bad, but because he wouldn’t let you. So you cried yourself to sleep time and again.
While not the same, the situations are similar; you ache, you can’t touch or have that intimacy you so desperately crave—so what do you do? As you’ve done before, you cry yourself to sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day.