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Uncontrolled Anger and Your Cheating Partner: The Disastrous Effects

Updated on August 24, 2019

In the era we are living, relationship breakups have become as common as night and day. While the increased rate of breakups is alarming, the effects of a relationship marred with unfaithfulness can lead to disastrous consequences if uncontrolled anger (revenge) becomes the sole decision maker.

Cheating in a relationship though a negative quality is praised by some people, both males and females. They claim cheating in a relationship is not a negative trait as there are justifiable reasons why people cheat on their partners e.g. if a woman/man is not good on bed, she/he lacks a sense of humor and if the partner is no longer appealing. But we know better. Cheating is never and will never be friends with honesty as much as people who support dishonesty in a relationship want many of us to believe.

Often done in secrecy, it paints a sad picture that love and dishonesty can be woven together and still make sense. However, the fact remains unfaithfulness in a relationship translates to lack of respect for another partner. How a cheated partner reacts once he/she discovers his/her partner has been unfaithful in the relationship differs among the cheated partners. Additionally, the cheated partners will be affected negatively in varying degrees e.g.some might develop low self-esteem, depression or thoughts of suicide. Some might react in extreme negativity, that is, allowing anger to dictate how they should act.

Those who support unfaithfulness in a relationship would say the cheated partners are reacting negatively, why should they care and so on. It is true the victims of cheating do react negatively but doesn't it paint a depressing picture of how unfaithfulness in a relationship can affect a cheated partner in negative ways both psychologically and physically?

Cheating becomes a problematic issue in a relationship if the cheating partner doesn't repent and stop the negative behavior.


Once cheating partners are caught by their significant ones, the manner in which they react will differ among them. Some admit they were unfaithful and promise not to repeat. Sadly, they do it again and when they’re caught once more they repent and promise to cease the behavior. Some get saved but others are adamant they will persist in unfaithfulness. Then, there is another group once confronted with the truth they become defensive. They don’t want to accept they are unfaithful when the fact goes against their claimed ‘innocence.’ Lastly, there is a group when confronted they end the relationship or exhibit I-don’t-care-what-you-think attitude. Sadly, the worst group is those who give in to anger and kill their partners because they were confronted or told they were being unfaithful in the relationship, which is the case.

What should you do when you find out your partner has been cheating on you? After having confronted him/her and he/she denies or the confrontation ends in a war of words or fight, or your partner shows no remorse; what should you do? You will feel angry. It is a normal reaction to an unpleasant situation.

Nonetheless, it is wise to walk away from the relationship. It will hurt but it is the safest and will save you a lot of hurt you will feel later when your anger cools down. You should try to control your anger. Don't let it become a ticking bomb ready to explode.

The following is a true-life story of a young lady who murdered her boyfriend when she realized her boyfriend was cheating on her. The incident took place in Kenya. After delivering her judgment, the judge offered a piece of advice to young people which does not only apply to them but also adults.


Ruth Kamande, a Beauty Queen Sentenced to Death By Hanging for Stabbing Her Boyfriend 25 Times

Ruth Kamande, a Kenyan young lady, was sentenced to death by hanging after it emerged without a doubt she stabbed her boyfriend 25 times with a knife she purchased previous to the incident. The confrontation between her and her boyfriend occurred in the room they were living in Buru Buru, Nairobi on September 2015. Ruth was then 21-years old while her boyfriend, Farid Mohammed was 25-years old.

It was established during the hearings at Milimani Law Courts, Nairobi that Kamande perused her boyfriend’s smartphone while he was not near. She realized according to her statement that her boyfriend was keeping in touch with his ex. She stated that a fight ensued when she confronted him about it and that he wanted to infect her with HIV as her boyfriend was taking suppressing HIV drugs without her knowledge. The fight resulted in her stabbing her boyfriend 25 times.

In her ruling, Justice Jessie Lesiit declared that Kamande felt no remorse when killing her boyfriend. She termed her as ‘manipulative and controlling’ refusing any plea she had reformed and had converted to Islam. Justice Lesiit further stated that Kamande showed no remorse during the hearings. On July 19, 2018 Kamande was sentenced to death penalty though the country has never witnessed capital punishment since 1987.

While awaiting her verdict during the trials that culminated in her being sentenced to death, Kamande won 'Miss Langata Prison' on August 2017 among the women in the prison who contested for this award.

Although I am against the death penalty preferring life imprisonment, the remark of Justice Lesiit after sentencing Kamande to capital punishment is worth emphasizing here why it is better to walk away from a relationship if you find out your partner has been cheating on you than letting anger take control of your logical reasoning. The results of not controlling your anger or wanting to revenge after the revelation that your partner has been cheating on you and/or the negative response from your cheating partner after confronting him/her can be disastrous not only because it can lead to murder but also it can affect your well-being (mental and physical health) negatively.

She said, “I want young people to know that it is not cool to kill your boyfriend or girlfriend even when you feel disappointed or frustrated – don’t do it.

“Instead, it is cool to walk away and thereafter to forgive.”

© 2019 Alianess Benny Njuguna


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    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Alianess Benny Njuguna 

      10 months ago from Kenya

      It is very sad. She was supposed to be hanged at the last week of December 2018 but there is no verifiable report or news whether she was hanged or not.

      She was allowed to appeal her death sentence. Maybe she is still alive.

      I agree with you. They should sentence her to life imprisonment than ending her life as you have noted that God forgives therefore we should also forgive.

    • Donna-Rayne profile image

      Donna Rayne 

      10 months ago from Greenwood, In

      This is so sad Benny, so many men and women become so hurt and outraged that things can go from bad to worse in seconds. I know, I've been there and knew things better settle down before someone gets hurts. I left him and a better for it. Thank you for telling the story about the young lady, do you know if she was hung yet? I pray they have mercy on her and give her life. God forgives and so can humans!

      Great write!


      Donna Rayne

    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Alianess Benny Njuguna 

      22 months ago from Kenya

      Thank you PoetikalyAnointed. I agree the best revenge is to leave quietly and move on. It is the best option even though it is hurting. And yes, "they will get theirs!" What goes around comes around.

    • Ben716 profile imageAUTHOR

      Alianess Benny Njuguna 

      22 months ago from Kenya

      You are right darshingscorpio and you said it well when you commented "There really is no "upside" to confronting a cheater. After all there is nothing she or he can say that will ever justify it in (your) mind.

      Very few cheaters are looking to (replace) one relationship with another. The goal of most cheaters is to "complement" what they already have. Cheating is a selfish attempt to have it all!"

      Very few cheaters want to replace their relationship with another. Majority of them want to complement what they already have. In reality as you have said, they are outright selfish.

    • profile image


      22 months ago


      Thank you for writing this and sharing that tragic story in Kenya.

      It is so sad that it came down to murder.

      Yes, it is most definitely better to walk away when you know that your partner doesn't have your best interest at heart.

      It does hurt like hell, especially when the person that you loved has never loved you and played you for a fool for years! Worst yet, married you when they knew that their love wasn't true.

      The best revenge IS to leave quiet ly and move on. Believe me, they will get theirs!

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      22 months ago from Chicago

      Interesting article.

      People need to realize when they commit a crime due their anger over the actions of others they end up punishing themselves!

      Being cheated on, lied to, betrayed, or rejected isn't the end of the world. Almost everyone has experienced one or the other.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      "Some people come in our life as blessings. Some people come in our life as lessons." - Mother Teresa

      Oftentimes when we look back we see there were "red flags" we chose to ignore and in other instances we were not really happy with many things in the relationship.

      Cheating was just the final straw!

      The Ruth Kamande story is similar to the Jodi Ann Arias story in the U.S. She wanted to reconcile with her ex-boyfriend and began having sex with him again. Once she learned he was seeing other women she stabbed him 27 times while he was in the shower, slit his throat, and shot him in the head. She then later told police intruders broke into the home and committed the murder.

      Once it became apparent she killed him she then came up with a story about being a victim in an abusive relationship who suffered from PTSD and then it was one lie after another.

      She got life in prison and has been described as a "sociopath".

      If cheating is a "deal breaker" for you then move on.

      There really is no "upside" to confronting a cheater. After all there is nothing she or he can say that will ever justify it in (your) mind.

      Very few cheaters are looking to (replace) one relationship with another. The goal of most cheaters is to "complement" what they already have. Cheating is a selfish attempt to have it all!


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