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Understanding Broken Relationships

Updated on September 5, 2017
JY3502 profile image

I became a news reporter for the Marine Corps in the early 70's. I'm now retired and write on a wide variety of subjects in my spare time.

Understanding Broken Relationships

Relationships can be easily broken over trivial issues. Once broken, they can be difficult to mend. The reasons can be many and varied. Understanding the reasons is important. Without knowing the cause, reconciliation can't occur. Each stage of a relationship must be analyzed to discover what went wrong. Once realized, a solution can be found.

Most issues can be resolved through communication. The cause is frequently due to minor misunderstandings. Communication and conveying facts truthfully is a necessity. Communication must be creative rather than critical. Forgiveness will be important in repairing a relationship.

Broken Relationships

Once a relationship is broken, it can be hard to restore. The closer a relationship, the more intense the pain. However, relationships can be restored with a willingness to participate in the healing process. Naturally, it takes time.

Obstacles to Overcome

Before repairs can begin, what's impeding a reconciliation, must be determined. Most therapists agree a common obstacle is pride. Many find taking responsibility for their actions difficult because of it. It hinders becoming humble and admitting responsibility. However, the longer it's put off, the harder finding a resolution becomes.

Another problem is listening to well meaning, but misinformed friends with bad advice. Although one party may be willing to restore a relationship, the other might not. It should also be considered a relationship may not have been healthy to begin with and ending it might be the best option. Any such advice should be taken with caution.

Humility is a Must

Repairing Relationships

Many don't recognize they are in a broken relationship. Those continually experiencing relationship problems, should consider they may be the problem. Usually a common denominator can be found.

Humility is a must for relationships to be restored. It takes courage and humility to admit wrong doing. It's important not to wait for others to admit fault, but the rewards are much greater when it happens. When responsibility isn't admitted, steps should still be taken to reconcile.

Many of us carry old wounds, even those caused during childhood. For example, we tend to project our issues with our parents onto those we develop relationships with. When we transfer these unresolved issues onto others, they can destroy our current relationships.

When someone constantly irritates us, it's as much our problem as theirs' The other may be accountable for their actions , but we're responsible for ours. It's imperative to release resentment toward others. If we can't admit our own shortcomings, how can we judge others?

How do we cultivate a spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation? We cultivate a spirit of forgiveness by never ending a day with lingering anger. We might refuse to forgive because we feel justified. But then, we are only blaming and criticizing others, blinding ourselves to our faults.

Refusal to Receive Forgiveness

Sometimes people refuse to receive forgiveness. This is nothing more than pride and conceit. If someone doesn't want forgiveness, it's usually because they can't forgive themselves. It's hard to accept forgiveness when someone hates them self.

Humility doesn't mean bowing to the whims of others. Rather, it's being truly honest with oneself and others. We can address offenses, but if there is no sincerity in speech and attitude, there is no truth. Lack of forgiveness is the source of many arguments. Real reconciliation means complete acceptance of another, despite any transgressions. It's important not to criticize or judge one another.

It's been said, patience, is a virtue. Good relationships don't end overnight, so they shouldn't be expected to be restored immediately. Time must be taken for each to study the situation. Yet, patience is necessary if others fail to participate. Pushing others to participate in reconciliation will only drive them further away.

Honesty is also a necessary aspect of healing. We should expect each party to place blame on the other. It's human nature. Genuinely seeking forgiveness, and sincerely searching for a solution, is what brings true healing. Don't get side tracked by non-issues or become bitter.

Humans are prone to making mistakes. Therefore, forgive others making them. But, forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting. It's impossible to completely forget something, but memories have a tendency to dwell in the background.

To truly forgive means restoring bonds of trust and ending feelings of anger. The longer anger is held onto, the more deeply it becomes rooted. Forgiveness means overlooking transgressions, laying aside judgments, and accepting people for who they are.

Reconciliation

To truly forgive, we need to be open to reconciliation. It's forgiveness in action. Forgiveness is only accomplished through reconciliation. Forgiveness is hard because it forces us to examine ourselves and judgments of others.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 weeks ago

      Many of our relationships were never meant to last.

      This is especially true during our youth. Most of us were pursuing relationships before we figured out who (we) were let alone what we wanted or needed in a mate for life.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, or third time up at bat. There are a lot of strikeouts!

      If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts! :)

      In fact sometimes it takes several years before a person finally settles upon a "mate selection process" or "must haves list" for choosing the (right mate) for themselves.

      Each of us has our own "boundaries" and "deal breakers".

      Generally speaking there are 3 reasons for breakups

      1. They chose the wrong mate. ( They're too incompatible.)

      2. Someone committed a "deal breaker' in the other's eyes.

      3. They fell out of love over time/stopped wanting same things.