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Understanding The Myths of Love: Break Up Survival

Updated on December 28, 2016

The Pain of a Break Up

When a person goes through a break up, he/she can experience some very intense emotional pain. For many people, a break up can be one of the most devastating experiences that life has to offer. This is especially true if you believed your ex to be “the one,” a special person with whom you were fated to fall in love with – and the only person that you could ever truly love. Recovery in this type of situation can seem impossible because after all, losing “the one” is like losing your life itself, right?

Well, not exactly. The truth is that “the one” does not actually exist in objective reality. In fact, it is this mistaken belief in “the one” which is the true hurdle to getting over someone. However, with a the proper understanding of the psychology behind break ups and the right knowledge, it is actually possible to quickly get over a break up – even within just a few days.

There are several myths of love that might get in the way of the break up recovery process and of these myths, the most dangerous and most prominent of them all is the myth of “the one.” However, with the right knowledge, you will learn to develop the proper, down-to-Earth perspective that you need to take and to have realistic expectations when you enter a relationship. While it is true that experiencing some degree of emotional pain is a normal part of the break up recovery process, dwelling on this pain and enhancing and/or exaggerating it can prevent you from ever truly getting over your past relationship.

The Myths of Love

In order to survive a break up, you should be aware of the following:

  1. The myth of the one: Since you were young, you have probably been influenced by the books of fiction that you might have read as well as TV and other media into believing in the myth of “the one.” This is the main theme of many romantic stories – especially on theater. These are the stories that rely on the idea of “one true love” or “destined lovers,” or even “soulmates.” Even TV sitcoms are guilty of using “the one” by implying that certain individuals are meant to be together despite everything else that has happened in their lives which would have made their relationship impossible in reality. For example, in “Friends,” the relationship between Ross and Rachel drove the series across several seasons – much longer than other sitcoms for its time. There is a certain “feel good” factor involved in the use of “the one” as a selling point for a story, and this is why it is such a successful marketing tool.
  2. Your ego: Another reason why you might feel especially hurt by the break up which has nothing to do with your ex would be your own bruised ego. When this happens, the person whose confidence has been damaged will start to look inwardly for flaws that never existed in the first place. They will begin blaming themselves entirely for the break up as well as get worried about what their friends, family and society in general will think of them now that they have been broken up with. Once you understand that this is your bruised ego making you think irrationally, you will be able to cope with the pain of the break up much better.
  3. You can fall in love with other people: Having established that your ex was not “the one,” you should now be able to understand the fact that you can in fact fall in love with other people. While it might not seem that way if the break up is still fresh, give it some time and you will be able to fall in love again as long as you don’t close your doors to new relationships. It’s not fate or destiny that makes a person fall in love after all, but a subconscious criteria that continues to evolve from day to day and from moment to moment. This subconscious list of specifications is called a person’s lovemap and it is the blueprint of love that induces feelings of love for someone.

By understanding the psychology involved behind breakups, you will be able to survive and quickly recover from your breakup and be better equipped for any future relationships.


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