- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Understanding Women: What Men Should Know When Women Open up and Share
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Men and Women are very different in many ways. When a woman opens and shares things to a man, what does she expect him to do, know and understand? Here are some insights into this matter to help a man understand his girlfriend or wife and to better communicate and have a great relationship.
1. We have heard from many well known relationship authors that, When a women shares a problem, she does not want you to fix it, she wants you to listen. This statement may or may not be true What does this statement mean?
First of all, it means when she shares about stress at work, at home, the children, conflicts, friendships, she does not want you to fix it. Why!!! She wants you to understand how she is feeling about the problem. Is she disappointed, angry, sad, frustrated?
So, men, First, you need to understand why she is sharing. It is not because she needs your help with the actual problem, as yet. She wants you to understand how she feels about something that is bothering her. It is very important for you to understand her negative feelings about a problem. It’s her feelings she is trying to convey and have understood, more than the problem itself.
WHAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO
Do not talk her out of her feelings, or tell she is overeacting. Do not filter out her feelings to get to the problem itself. The issue is not the problem, but talking out her feelings and bringing some resolution and peace.
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
You need to listen, affirm and sympathize with her feelings. You are actually helping her this way, the emotional problem toward the actual problem would be somewhat resolved.
WHEN DO YOU APPLY THE MR. FIX IT NATURE
When it comes to car problems, plumbing problems, home repairs, toilet overflowing, garage is a mess or anything that is broken, she does not want you to only hear her negative feelings about it, but she does want you to actually fix it OR find someone who will. You need to discern when to apply the ‘Mr. Fix' strategy
2. When she wants to talk about the relationship, she is not criticizing you or attacking you. She just wants to share her feelings and discuss things. Do not get defensive or take everything personally or assume you messed up,or you never please her or do everything right in her eyes. That may not be issue at all. Resist the tendency to say those things and believe the worst when she brings up about the relationship. You need to listen to what she has to say first and then make your judgment.
3. When she brings up an old hurt or wound from the past, she is not always bitter and holding on to a grudge, but this is her way of processing through it and her way of resolving the matter so she can finally let it go.
You can help her by allowing her to talk through these issues and listen to her. You can give her a hug and encouragement she needs.