- Gender and Relationships»
What's the price of perfection?
Insecurity stems from a basic lack of self-confidence. The notion of not being able to fulfill the expectations of others emerges quickly when a woman develops the belief that she will never measure up to certain standards. The idea is built on a foundation of severe criticism often at the hands of loved ones. In order for this suggestion to take root, a woman must constantly be subjected to criticism in varying ways.
A woman that is suffering from misconceived ideas of perfection develops a deep seeded fear that she is never "something"… She might feel that she lacks beauty, intelligence, sexiness, etc… and she slowly becomes hypercritical of her own reflection. She methodically picks herself apart; unable to find one shred of evidence that she is worthy. Finding herself, fully unable to appreciate her good qualities, she becomes the victim of her own self- loathing.
This woman requires constant reassurance. She must be shown how to love her smile, her body, etc… The constant self-doubt she emits can be draining to any individual that she deals with. Relentless in her pursuit of validation, she will engage in negative self-talk. These disempowering words, when spoken, will affirm the belief that her statements are fact. She unknowingly sets herself up for rejection.
Helping a person with self- esteem issues requires a lot of patience. Understanding a person that engages in self-sabotage can be difficult. To chip at the wall of negativity, often means suppressing your own healthy reaction to this type of habit forming behavior. Naturally you want to distance yourself from a person that makes you aware of your own inadequacies. When the discussion persists, you must find ways to deflect these feelings of self-doubt. Encourage your friend to disconnect from any feelings that prohibit her from valuing herself. Cite examples, if you must, of ways in which you value her. Coach your friend into understanding that this type of toxic talk only replenishes the soul with resentment and angst.
Dealing with the emotional scars that come from feelings of unworthiness takes time. Assisting your friend with developing a better attitude and coping skills will mean maintaining an honest dialogue. When she becomes obsessed with telling you all of the ways in which she deems herself inferior, you must reinforce the negativity with positive affirmations. In addition, you must establish that her position is based on a poor opinion she has formed of herself. Her biased thinking about her image is self- inflicted. She is oblivious to the second rate way she views herself. Remember, patience is a virtue. Establishing a new perception will take hard work. Do not allow her feelings to intimidate you from speaking up. Do not respond with rudeness to her insistence. Allow your position to be noted; keeping your tone firm and do not waiver from the point you are trying to make that self- judgment can be negative and degrading when a person chooses to belittle their self.
Praise and compliment your friend whenever possible. Remember, her systematic punishment is predicated on previous experiences. In the absence of heartfelt praise and affection, a distorted view of self has formed. With so many factors contributing to feeling like the odd person out, the person you are dealing with is still looking at herself in a child- like way. Having been failed by parents, siblings, friends, etc… to be taught the basic principle of self- acceptance; it is challenging for your friend to practice self-love. As your friend slowly begins to believe in herself, the journey to re-building her sense of self begins. All of the external events that contributed to her poor image are no longer joy stealers. She begins the process of repelling against her typical responses to self- worth. Feelings of inadequacy; the need to take matters personally and generalized comparisons to others are slowly being replaced by happier thoughts. A blueprint for a happier life takes hold as your friend’s emotional competency is mapped.
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